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As the train pulled away
a strikingly familiar note
filled the air
and you were part of me

a part that let
the better version of us live
and yet could keep us whole

the distance settled
in a light precipitation
drenching gray into the day

as I lost sight of the train
and walked back
three miles into a memory
to mark the last page
in our story
the page we failed
I feel like I am neurologically deficient
That a lot of my brain cells are missing
Like a punch drunk doped up punk boxer
A pimply muscle bound ***** on steroids
Hanging out at my old high school locker
No shocker that I am no medical doctor
But I always thought I’d be just a bit better
I guess on average I am a little bit smarter
But the bar is set so low that it requires
Very little to grow and go over it, you know
In comparison to the other young men
I may be grandstanding and one upping them
But when it comes to grand scheme of things
When compared to past people
Who shared my glorious dreams
Like Percy Shelley and John Keats
Like Ginsburg and the other Beats
I think I am drifting of course just a bit
Lest we all forget the **** cut the crap to fit in it
Maybe I’m okay few travel this way anyways
So who’s to say if I’m doing it the wrong or the right way
But I still feel like my brain needs a chemical treatment
A diet with more nutrients and sufficient Supplements
Because I’m feeling neurologically deficient
The hug that felt like everything, would really be alright.
The kiss that without a doubt, had easily made my night.
The girl that I am falling for, without a single fear.
The relationship I'm wishing for, is drawing ever near.
 Jan 2016 Crysta Gingras
JP
New year party
saw a beautiful girl
went near to her
she was smiling
What???
I asked, what
should I give
to have a
small kiss??
By staring my eyes
she replied,
hmm….. Chloroform..
Remember last New Years Eve?

We had plans to go to my aunts house,
then last minute you decided that you didn't want to go. You decided that you wanted to throw a party, not at our apartment, but at your fathers house. I thought this was strange, but I agreed to ditch out on my family, for you. You left early to prepare for this party; told me to meet you there later, but when I showed up at your door, you turned me away. I was dumb founded. You told me that it just wasn't the kind of party that I'd be into. What does that even mean? I should specify though, you didn't actually answer the door && tell me to leave. You were never man enough for such a thing. You texted me. I was standing outside of your door, && you texted me && told me to leave. So I did. What was I supposed to do at that point, beg to be let into a place where I was clearly unwelcome? I walked back to my car, in my sequined party dress. I drove back to our apartment. We had one of those text fights we always had; the kind where I asked you why you had done something unkind to me, && you flipped it so that by the end of the conversation I was apologizing to you && begging for forgiveness. I sat there in the dark, in the apartment, for the remainder of the night. I cried myself to sleep.

Fast forward to this year. You have the audacity to contact me, asking if I miss you. What I miss is the person I was before I knew the likes of you.

Here's to a new year, untainted by your touch.
Out of all the guys I have ever dated
you were the best one.
When you asked me for something
and I said no you didn't keep pushing...
You never once asked me to send you a ****
Why is that...?
I wanna say that you were different
but I don't know that for sure
so instead i'll say that there was something
special about you,
Something I didn't understand; but I liked it
....... I knew it wouldn't last though,
I don't know why I got so attached.....
You deserve someone great,
someone who loves you just the way you are,
someone who brings you happiness,
You deserve someone thats the best cause you're the best.....
I hope you find that someone.
I know that you gonna see this but I don't care. I'm NOT writing this in hopes to get you back....even if I was I know that I would never get you back for two reasons...  
--Just expressing some thoughts :)
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