He grabs me and pulls me upwards into the sky
I pretend to be surprised, but I knew he could fly
He wants us both to go together
And for a moment I think yes

I swallow hard but still cannot push my heart down and out of my throat
She’s just trying to reach my
Mind
And
Well
I don’t blame her

There is something about the way skin tears
Something about the way my hand stops shaking
It is committing to the amount of pressure
About focusing on one after the other
About the pain that stings
There is something about this harm
That makes me feel good
Scratch that
There is something about this harm
That makes me feel
I can sit in the shower and bleed and cry
And bleed and cry
And bleed and cry
I can hate myself without ending myself
I can focus on a pain that is tangible
For a few minutes it is an escape
My body became a canvas when I was fourteen
And I haven't stopped painting since
I want to go deeper
I want to feel more.

.
It
is
true,
you are
totally right.
I'm as dry as
a desert, I'm a dead
empty land. I used to be
a  jungle  when  the  clouds
where by my side, and now that
they are gone, my trees, my dreams
they dried and died. Because of this,
nothing grows inside of me, there is
only silence and despair. I can't feel
what  I  write,  I  barely  feel alive
I want to feel human again
Oh god, I really miss
the rain

I don’t want to be awake