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R Spade Jun 24
sometimes i
cant finish my
sentenc
...
R Spade Jun 16
Does my clarinet  
blame herself  
when she  

screeches?  

I asked her โ€”  
careful  
not to press  
the wrong buttons.  

She hummed along,  
nodded  
like a good girl.  

(๐˜ž๐˜ฉ๐˜บ ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต?)

Iโ€™m the one  
who blows  
down her throat,  
pressing keys  
until she forgets  
how to breathe.  

Her voice cracked โ€”  
guilt hung in the air  
like smoke.  

"๐˜ช ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ฆ๐˜ค๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ,"
she whispered.  
"๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ท๐˜ฐ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ."

I strike her notes harder.  
She chokes out bits,  
broken pieces  
that only make me angrier.  

Your wheezing is because  
youโ€™re fragile.  
Cheap.  
Not because of me.  

(...๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜จ๐˜ฉ๐˜ต?)

"๐˜ช ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ถ๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ง๐˜ถ๐˜ญ ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ,"
she sobbed.  

And I  
almost told her โ€”  
๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—ฎ๐—น๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฑ๐˜† ๐—ฑ๐—ผ.

But the truth  
lodged in my throat,  
behind the breath  
that made her scream.
R Spade Jun 14
testing testing
1 2 3
can you see this?
R Spade Apr 16
bitter truths
taste sweeter
than lies
dipped in honey
  Apr 16 R Spade
Anailen
but
im getting better
but im scared for the downfall
Feeling manic
R Spade Apr 13
The crack in the sidewalk is my only comfort.
We've become friends overtime,
I tell her about the bottles and beer cans,
so lost I forget about the aches and pains.

She knows it's bad when I'm quiet.
I sit with the dark and listen to my sobs echo,
the rain can't drown out my thoughts.
The crack in the sidewalk is my only comfort.

Sometimes I go weeks without seeing her,
my identity drifts softly away with the tide.
Confused, I am too weak to find ground,
maybe it's best I cannot be saved.

The water leads me to my friend,
I shiver yet I cannot feel the cold.
She tells me that she's here for me,
the crack in the sidewalk is my only comfort.
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