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  May 2018 Red
Nyx
Maybe I can rewrite time
Change who i really am
Become a new person
Everyone will be like ****

Maybe I can fix myself
Paint my face with bright colours
Makeup does the trick
The boys will get flutters

Maybe I can become more wanted
By losing a bunch of weight
Going to the gym weekly
I could even get a date

Maybe I can change my style
Become beautiful and bright
Updating my closet
I could light up the night

Maybe I could become more intelligent
By studying a lot more
I could improve my grades
Then I wouldn't be as dumb as before

Maybe I can change my personality
Make it perfect and right
then everyone will love me
They would be filled with delight

Maybe I should learn to accept
That I can't change who I am
No makeup nor items of clothing
Can distinguish who I am

For I am, me
With all the faults and scars
Nobody is perfect
We are just one of a million stars

So maybe in the end
I can wish and hope with all my might
But even if i did change all these things about me
I doubt that I could ever be satisfied
As acceptance is the true key
There are so many things I want to change about myself but then if i did become perfect, What would be left of the real me?
  May 2018 Red
Nyx
I'm walking through the days
Feeling nothing at all
I'm not sure how long ive been like this
I cant seem to recall

Its quite odd you see
As it doesnt bother me
Its just a void of nothing
Is it just being carefree?

I'm not hot
I'm not cold
I'm not sad
I'm not happy
I'm not depressed
I'm not broken


Its just nothing

I don't understand
How a person can be so empty
I smile and laugh, I cry and scream
I do all those normal things
And everyone believes
What good does that bring?
That I can put on a show
I'm like a robot learning human movements  
No matter what, there is room for improvement

I'm a shell of a person
A shadow of who I am
Am I meant to feel emotions
Am I meant to know who I am
Because its really quite odd
Learning all these actions
For everything thing that I do
Leads to human interactions

They say I am trustworthy
They say I am kind
They say that they know me
So why do they lie

You're the only one I trust
Thats not true
I won't tell anyone
Its obvious you will
You understand better then anyone
I really don't
I need you
No you don't
Stay with me
I'll do my best

I Love you
You're feeding me words laced with poison

The pain, the hurt, the happiness
The anger, the betrayal, the lies
But knowing everything
I still do nothing
I merely watch.
Tying my own hands
Securing them behind my back
I feel and see everything.
But these feelings are not mine

I'm lost within myself
I know no other life
I forget my own problems
By taking on someone else's life

So where are my own feelings?
Where are my problems?
Where are all the things that make me human?
For I have nothing, Nothing on my own
I'm just an empty void

I sold everything
For the need to be W A N T E D.
I'm myself but I'm not
This is who I am
I ignore my own problems by focusing on others
Its not healthy but its the way I work
I have been at it for so long that without it
I feel nothing, Nothing at all
All of this just because I wanted to feel needed and wanted by other people
Its pretty pathetic if you ask me
  May 2018 Red
Nyx
Did I fall down the rabbit hole?
Am I lost within this land?
Because everyone around me
Is completely and utterly mad

Am I wondering through the forest
Talking to the Cheshire cat
Tell me the right way to go
But he's preoccupied by a rat

Did I stumble upon the mad hatter
With his sanity wearing thin
Its a very happy unbirthday
he wearig this painful grin

Did I run into the Queen of hearts
Interrupting a croquet game
Off with their heads
She's giving me the blame

Did I run into tweedle dum and dee
Singing me their stories
how do ya do shakehands
Listening to them fills me worries

Did I finally meet another the same
The dearly beloved Alice
Who in the world am I
But its clear she's merely followed the rabbit

A white rabbit leading the way
Do i follow him, will he lead me astray
I'm late! I'm Late! for a very important date
The way he's going I'll never escape

So why am I trapped here
In such a world of madness
The more I think about it
I'm just trapped in my own sadness

So how do I escape from myself
From a world of pure imagination
How do I run from this
Run, From my own creations

There is no possible exit
From a world I don't understand
So I'll sit here and wait
Until I figure out a plan
Idk what I where I was going with this one
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