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  Apr 2018 Red
Levi Bradford
Spiders.

Snakes.

Late nights, due to the fact that once I saw a possum in our garage when it was dark out.

Good looking people not thinking I'm good looking.

Holding children. I might drop them.

My brothers growing up to be just like me.

Shark attacks.

Jumping off high places.

Headphones that go too deep into my ears.

Going the opposite direction of so many cars. I'm the only one going my way.  They're probably headed the right way. They're probably having more fun.

Realizing that, after being on the road for a while, my high beams have been on the whole time. Sorry.

Cockroaches.

Family reunions where I'm not sure if that really attractive girl is my family or someone's friend.

Climbing up the stairs of the Bombay ride at Wet N' Wild because there just slabs of stone I can see under. I could slip and fall right through.

Enjoying bad bands.

Letting my girlfriend look into my eyes.

Talking on the phone.

Growing up.

Refusing to grow up.

Reading this over if I ever finish it and realizing that I am something less than a regular human being.  Probably an animal of some kind.

Frogs.

Big animals.

Waking up one day as the same person I always have been.

Standing still.

My parents.

Not spending the rest of my life with the girl I swore I would.

Texting people too often.

My parents dying.

Whales.

My teeth being this awful the rest of my life.

Braces.

Making people think they offended me.  People never offend me.

Writing anything that's ever as good as Ernest Hemingway.  How dare I think that I ever could.

Running too hard.  My heart might burst.

Being unreasonable. Am I unreasonable?

Sticking my finger inside an air conditioning vent in a car.  I don't know if there's a fan in there.  I don't know if it'll take my finger off.

Getting people's hopes up.

Letting people down.

Fish.

Bees.

Being a teacher.

My laugh.

Wearing bad clothes.

Holding her hand too hard.  I might cut off circulation.  She might get mad.

My brother disapproving of what I do.

Heaven because it sounds awful doing the same thing for the rest of forever.

Finding out I've been gay this whole time.

Cracking my fingers.

Being a parent.

Whales.

Final exams.

Paranormal Activity 4.

Singing on cue.

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Eating insects.

Whales.

Silence.

The open ocean.

Whales.

Whales.
Sometimes I just need to list everything. I wrote this in 10th grade and strangely enough, I'm still afraid of most of these things. But they have less power over me.
  Apr 2018 Red
Nyx

Unscrewing the sharpener
Removing the blade
The cool clean metal
Makes me feel less afraid

Inspecting the metallic silver
That could end all my pain
I take a deep breath
Before finding a vein

A hidden cut lies
Among all my burns
Nobody will notices
No heads will turn

The blood welling up
Dripping down my arm
I can feel my thoughts loosen
Ive let down my guard

The door sealed closed
Music blaring in the back
I've stooped so low
It seems I've finally cracked

I've cried and I've screamed
My voice stuck on mute
My depression has returned
I'm still stuck in a loop

There's nothing to be sad over
There's no reason to cry
Just keep your head up
Just look to the sky

In time it will pass
I swear you'll be okay
A voice in my mind
Continues to say

But what if I can't?
Can't handle the pain
Not this time, Not again
Its all in vain

Its finally all happened
I let the last petal drop
But still a tiny little voice
Still screams for me to stop

But it seems I can't stop
This addiction to blood
I feel myself fall
It all ends with a Thud
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