Maybe 10 years from today,
Maybe only 1 year away,
Or even just 1 day,
I will be able to say...

i like you the most
when you talk about the
things you're passionate
about.

that's when your eyes light up,
alive, dancing, and burning
as if you sees a world that
that no one else has seen.

Dream of me
I am real...
I am where smiles are made
and tears fade away
Where hope springs forth
Away from the darkness
of the earth

I am the glow of the moon
and all the stars in the sky
those who seek the light
shall have me as their guide

I am the red bird or butterfly you see
Just keep your eyes open... to find me
I am where tomorrow is coming
and hope always holds on
My darling
I am never truly gone....❤

I can't even remember how it started...

Drifting from who I was,
My normal just slowly departed from me.
Foggy glimpses of the boy I used to be.

Ripping through the last shreds of my humanity,
Right on the edge of insanity,
I'm not but a shadow of what, and who I was,
Can you guess what was the cause?

As time goes on,
I am more and more losing myself,
Turning absolutely insane, there is now no sense of self.

I'm starting to be really bloodthirsty.

As time goes on,
I more and more want to hurt somebody,
Physically.

I want to feel something, anything!

I'm slowly losing my sanity,
It's getting real hard to keep myself from breaking the limits,
Of this society we live in!

But can you blame me?
I just want to feel excited,
Happy,
Have a geniune smile on my **** face.

Do you comprehend
An existence like mine,
Where you feel nothing?
While people around you find happiness,
And joy,
In things that mean nothing to you?

I've been resisting my urges for a while,
But I'm slowly getting out of control,
Nothing can make me whole.

Things are gonna get real ugly,
Real soon.

Therapy won't help this insane existence of mine.
Trust me, they tried, and tried.
Phsychologists, psychiatrists,
5 types of antidepressants,
A bunch of relaxants,
And diagnosis of many, many mental disorders.
Nothing could get me back in order,
I guess they were too late, I already crossed all sane borders.

Yup... For years, to no avail.

Go on, mock me, say I'm insane;
But it's your kind that did this to me.
But please, watch your tongue,
Words are hurtful.

Hush now, won't you stay a while?
Join me with a painted smile.

Tragic faces,
Stationed at my bedside,
Warm embraces,
While I'm hollow on the inside.

Their eyes betray them,
This is only a painted smile.

After my attempts,
People just wouldn't buy my painted smiles,
So they tried, and tried,
Everything they could think of.

Religion, mental hospitals, therapy, and medication...
If only they knew what a monster I try to keep inside every day,
Will their opinions change that day,
Will they regret it when I unleash the beast inside?

So 'till the day I tear myself from the inside,
Won't you join me with a painted smile?

Sometimes I feel

Like everyday I wake up,
And live a lie,

Like I’m not actually me
Even when I try to be,

As if no one actually knows,
Me, the full me,

Even those closest,
Seem somewhat distant,

As if everyone else is over there,
And I’m over here,

Stuck on my own,
Isolated from everyone,

But I’m doing it to myself,
And I don’t know how to stop.