Tab you were my best friend.
The water to my soil. The earth to my sun. I still need you. My son needs you. You will always be my best man my sister and my tab.

For a long time now I've want to talk to you about what happened with chick. I will never forget that day. I tried like hell to get in that room. I may not know what he did to you fully but I remember what I did every second that day and it haunts me. I will never forget I did every thing I did to get in that room. I'd give anything for it to be me and not you. I will also take the blame and punishment for you. I'm so sorry he got you instead of me. If I could change the past I would.
I would change everything about that day If I could but I can't..and I will never forget it.

I want you to know one day I will find him and destroy his life and make him suffer for what he did to you. I'm so very sorry I wasn't strong enough to stop him from hurting you. I love you and what he did doesn't make you a victim it only maded you stronger. I hope you've recovered from it by now. And I hope you are finally happy.

It's crazy
How I'd follow you across the world
And wouldn't even think twice...

Should I or should I not go through with what has been brought upon me?

What is the correct choose when both answers are right and are complete opposites.

'What is waiting around my river bend?'

Something is coming but what exactly is that for me?

When you know deep down what you need to do, but your heart wants something else
...
Who is right?
What part of me really controls my life?

I'm curious to find out.

I feel the warmth in my heart,
And it reminds me of our very first visit to the park.
It was a beautiful summer night and I was so shy,
You weren't sober at the time but that doesn't really matter.
I think of our first kiss every time we near that second park.
It never fails to make my heart skip a beat when I think of that night.
Then there comes the third park where I fell head over heels for you.
You made me realise there that it was okay to be happy.

And I was always love you.

My mind remembers the past in the events that fliped my life upside down. Or maybe it is the moments that I wanted to hide behind closet doors and let myself cry. I'm not sure why it is this way but it is. When I think of years before all of the day's become a blur and only negative parts stand out. I have to try and remember days when I was happy, like really try, even though those weren't really rare as my mind makes them seem. But once I've managed to pull some out recently it only makes me tear up. These memories are always engulfed with the love I felt flowing from you when you'd put your arms around me and the look of overwhelming happiness in your eyes. These memories are the only ones that can pull me together when I feel as though I'm falling apart and I miss those days more than anything. I miss the bond we had and wholeness we shared. But I feel us moving on  with our future and there is a small but unforgettable spark in your eyes that gives me hope things are getting better.

I write and I write but it just doesn't fill the holes of the absent anymore. My emotions are on hold and my train of thought is, well, malnourished. I need to be productive, more ambitious, and, I guess, a little less occupied with showdowns against the moon. I use to have dreams, and goals, I use to be happy. Now I have blocked memories of empty bottles and a love slowing healing from being shattered to the bone.

This is my own fault yet I can't fix it, not back to what it use to be. There will always be a scar layered with uncertainty. I can give my sincerest apology but that's more like a bandaid with ointment smeared all over it. I feel like you deserve more than that but I'm not sure what to do or give as a replacement. Though I hope you know I would do anything in a heartbeat if it would mean you had the slightest idea of how truly sorry I am.

I want to come out of this barrier I've put between myself and the outside world to get a job, yet I don't have the nerve to really leave the house. I wish I could find a way out of this mess of my mind because I feel more than ready to start the new chapter to our life. But I think I need help, a shove here or there, to get back on my feet. I need to feel like I'm needed, and less like I'm expected. I need an open window to escape this haze I call my daily routine. I need to try and be better than what I am today, if not for me than for you.

I try not to notice
that you don't notice it.