Feeling lonely like this, feels terrible
feels worse when you know it's your fault
you feel this way, your fault for your mistakes
you made.

She's the type of person who is annoyingly independent
Who won't ask for help or show any signs of struggling
She won't go against her faith for petty sin
Won't turn her back on the people who made her whole again
She's the type of person who will follow her dreams
Even when they take her far away
Will stand up for what's right even when everyone thinks she's wrong
She jumps full force into love but will back away to where its safe
You would never know her problems or secrets unless you ask
And I mean a million times
She smiles at the people who hate her and never gives them the satisfaction they desperately crave
She doesn't feed into drama
You won't find her doing anything she doesn't want too
But she'll surprise you when does something unexpected
You know she cares more then she will say
And you always know that as long as you are real
She will be real with you
Whether she believes it or not, you look up to her
She holds wisdom far beyond her years
And all you can do is thank her

When I first saw you
Everything around me slowed down
I couldn't help but notice that
Your eyes glowed brighter than any star I've ever laid eyes on
You smiled like the world around you didn't exist
You gave me some kind of unexplainable hope that maybe life is not as bad it's been for me
And this one feeling alone in my stomach terrified my every being
To think that this could be love at first sight.

sleep
it always seems to elude you
your mind, always trying to catch it as it saunters on by
but it never can, no matter what it tries
so eventually it gives up
it sits down, and doesnt even notice when sleep mosies by
and soon enough
sleep notices
and it comes by to say hello
chat with the mind
and if it feels like it, itll stay
and your mind will fall into its arms
allowing you to finally
sleep

$1.50 shirt from the thrift store, $40 Ralph Lauren shorts, back to school Vans shoes, and some confidence.
Riding my bike around blocks hoping to find some inspiration even though I've been writing more than ever, still feel empty after I'm done.
Got plenty numbers on my phone, but I only talk to one and thats through kik messenger.
Have a lot to say but no one wants to listen to someone that's delusional.
I started thinking straight though, these days make a lot more sense.
I try not writing about the world anymore, I dont have a clue about it.
I think my bike makes me feel a lot better when I feel sad, I feel like with every peddle I take it erases little pieces of big worries or bad memories.
I try to peddle as much as I can.
I miss a lot of things.
I always wonder what would happen if a car ran me over when I'm riding my bike.
I always ride on the big streets even though my mom tells me not to, I dont like listening.
I always do the opposite of what anyone doesn't want me to do.
"Dont do drugs", you'll see me buying.
"Dont love me", you'll see me post links on Twitter to poetry about that person.
I started reading about useless subjects, none of that really matters.
Ian G. Barbour is a loser.
Just love, and believe in what you want to believe in.
I want to sign my name on books I wrote while I was depressed, but I don't see that happening anymore.
I'm outside listening to crickets, is this how it sounds when I make a joke?
I don't see any stars, I'm kind of relieved when I dont see any.
I used to think stars were just reflections of sad people on earth, I thought that 4 months ago.
My therapist thought I was delusional, I could see it in her eyes and in how she talked to me.
These mosquitoes are getting annoying so I'm going end this.
Remember, "a strange grey distance separates our pale mind still from the pulsing continent of the heart of man".

I would hear screams at night
But my ears are flooded with arrogance
Ignorance
Vanity
Ones who love to praise themselves
And assert their dominance in everyday register
All I hear is reckless passion
Uncontrolled patriotism
All I see is a blood red
Bleached white
And Stained blue
The ignorance may shield within the borders
But the unspoken truth walks in the wasteland
You come in my country
And you **** for power
****
****
****
Bullet wounds paint the blood red
Dead Americans homage the bleached white
Enemies tossed in the ocean spit the stained blue
**** stained on the Holy Book
Then us blamed for a 9/11 hour
You come with your dominance
And you **** for power
****
****
****
Others nations shake their heads
They find you nosy
They find you a bully
But the blood stains our earth
You are a murderer

But there is one day that will come
When the little boy will hurt his thumb
The bully will step on the wound
And the little boy will fire his gun
The bully will slowly die
And all the little kids will look to the sun
They will all hold hands
And nobody will need to run
All the little kids are finally free
Even though the bully is dead
The little kids will celebrate
And they will spit on the blood red

But the white and blue will already be gone

i guess i think it's funny
that he told me he didn't like some pictures of us together
because it always looked like i was pushing him away
and in the end,
that's what i did.