My insides churned up in an inner turmoil
Thoughts jumbled and eyes grew moist
He looked, wide eyed full of hope at me
I stood there numb, wishing it was you with me.

My cheeks pale instead of rosy love
Scorning the man fate has written for me
Every little distance he inches,
I wish the distance was closing in between you and me.

His hands brushed against my knees
I struggle against this repulsion I feel for him
He's moving near, nearer; yet still far
He kissed my lips, but how do I remove the stains of your kiss on my heart?

Maybe it's in my mind, but he's using force
He senses I'm not with him in this act of love
His hands grow colder, he clutches tighter now
That moment he pulls me in, I let myself go.

I'm in this place I'm not supposed to be
You're sitting there looking at a framed photo of me
Your face is pale, you're thinking about us
I kneel down in front of you, you hold me close
Why didn't you try when there was still time?
What made you force me to say goodbye?
What made you choose your circumstances over me?
The society doesn't care, don't you see?
You mumble sorry and cry along with me
It's too late, we both can see

He's done with me, and I'm done with my daydream
He can sleep with my body, not with me
I'm still with you, when I'm with him
I'm still loving you, with him loving me.

**Forever yours.

Why does my body do this
Tell me he's uninterested
I mean we're still together
But it feels like we might not be
The love is dying
The flame is burning out
Then it'll kick up again
Shoving my negative feelings back into the depths
But more often then not
It's this feeling
The worry
The hysterical beating of my heart
The annoying voices in my head
I want that burst to happen
The fire to rise up 10 feet
Because right now
It feels about 10 inches

I look into the space above
and ponder how to feel the love
of my creator though I'm lonely
drifting through the sky.

For the galaxy I'm reaching
as the Earth below me teaching
me on life and dying only
as I'm passing by.

I see the stars around me shine
as planets with the sun align
to keep its light from my tomorrow
as the answers die.

Into the darkness I am falling
when the day that you stopped calling
came to me in all its sorrow
taking you from I.

Hours lost...
But I feel like I've gained

I felt nothing...
No recollection of the world.
No worries.
No thoughts.
No questions.
No demons.

Felt like I was dead but...
I got a morbid sense of peace,
and reassurance.
I felt bliss.

Unshackled, untethered and unbound
in those hours,
I felt one with the disconnection
from my life.

Strange and worrisome...
But I long to be caught in those
lost hours again.

It doesn't feel much like ****,  
     when I text you the day after
the incident,
    to say I left my card at your house,
and go to collect it,
with a quick peck on the cheek,
   a squeeze of my ***
and its as if it never happened...