Something is wrong,
something's amiss today.
Sun shines duller,
and everything seems so ill-fitting.
Walking in all directions,
failing to find the way.
It's beyond this fog...
I know but I'm just not seeing.
It's like a rope,
tied in a noose and knows no fray.
and I think I'm losing.
Need to hide my face
Can not explain this feeling
Defeat, and disgrace.
Alone with my free time I sort of put myself in the shoes of my sister; attempting to embody her feelings following this traumatic event.
I’m the most complicated person when it comes to saying what I want. But I know exactly what I want. Although getting that is beside the point what I want is to move at my own pace. There is so much pressure in there needing to be a decision and rushing into a commitment before there's even a true connection. I'm looking for any excuse to not fall for someone because deep down I'm not ready and the loneliness will never be as strong as the respect I have for myself. A body next to me at night will never fill the void. There's something bigger than a chance at love that is holding me back. It could be that my heart was broken enough to break me, my body used like a lifeless blow up doll without a choice time and time again by too many, by giving myself to only one and be taken by one, two, three, four, five. To be beaten for half of my young life and held down, degraded, ashamed of the skin I lived in and voice I spoke. The numbers are too much to fathom but I am worthy of love but not before I let go and love myself… #MeToo
This may not be poetry to you but to me, being vulnerable and telling your story is what it's all about. Though I can't go in to detail about all five, this is a stepping stone in the healing process of what began at the age of 14. The 12 years of an abusive marriage and relationship and the few years following where freedom was also my prison. I'm now open to loving myself for the first time.
Being suicidal doesn't mean i'm going to **** myself
Being suicidal is having this unexplicable ache while you're living
It's waiting for your life to end, and wishing you didn't have to carry on
Having this ache, an incapability to feel happy living, doesn't mean that I am going to **** myself -
It just means I wouldn't mind dying.
Stop chasing after an empty bottle of Jack
The **** faced nights and strong taste on your tongue left far past a few shots
Your vision is blurred
Your intoxicated and there's nothing left
You can't cloud your memories anymore
Come morning time all that's left is an empty bottle and no more Jack
Trying to drown out loneliness and loss doesn't fix anything or bring back what has been taken, keep your head up, don't open up the flood gates to welcome the demons in.
It's always when the night falls that the darkness comes out
When the one you thought you loved
would throw you down
When a stranger's grimace is the hunting nightmare in your heart
When the passion of a wrong turns into eye's that have never seen light
It's the ugliness of the night that makes me fear another day
This describes three of the most impactful moments of my life in just a few vague words. #metoo
— The End —