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PEARL SMOKE Jan 2018
Tears Rushing Down my cheeks
Another broken promise.
Will I change ? Im always failing
Then guarantee sobriety.
Why does this attract me.
All bad Excites me.
All wrong feels good to me.
I live for dark lonely nights
Than bright sunny mornings.
It’s easier to feel sad than happy.
Happiness is a rare feel to me .
All positive is hard  , negativity comes freely .
I’m quicker to think of unfortunate times and Cry Quick.
It takes longer to Be fortunate.
To find things to be grateful for .
Who am I right now.
I don’t know , I’m confused on what it is I really want.
Out Of Sobriety, Addict & Numb
Which of the 3 Is honest?
Who should I trust ?
Who’s bei real ?
Do I Want To Be Sober ? Do I want to use drugs ? Do I want to feel numb & escape my problems?
All have good effects
As come with consequences
I’m undecided on which what’s best
PEARL SMOKE Jan 2018
The Feeling
It’s Back.
My Feet Are urging
To Go Grab A sack
Temptations Are floating
Every thought is Convincing me
I must hold tight
This Ride costs my life
What to do.
Your scared? I’m frightened too.
I don’t know where to turn.
It’s the same roll , I hate to fold.
It’s too much , happening too long  
I hate living this, 6yrs no difference
What’s to change ?
I cry long for sobriety.
I’m holding strong to not fall again
What am I saving being sane ?
I’m at risk
Trying to save myself from The recent relapse..
I’m walking on strings ,
Pulling my self Back.
PEARL SMOKE Jan 2018
Why do I go back.
Obsess over a sack.
Why must I Go back.
Relapse on Pieces Of Glass.
It’s a Shame That I lure in.
I hate, but I can’t leave it alone .
I don’t want it , yet I’m out finding .
Please hold me.
I’m Scared, Stay please.
Pray for my sanity.
I’m far from perfect, that’s certain.
I have no hope, I want to find it.
Before it’s to late.
When Tweaks In me
I see things differently.
I’m not myself, I’m nobody
When crystal reaches my blood stream , all I see are reasons to keep on using.
When I think of sadness
I crave a fix.
I fein To not have feelings towards it
In my real mind.
I scream & cry.
I yell till my lungs tear out.
I shout for savor
A miracle to change me.
A geni To grant me a wish
The serenity to Help me reach the end of my disease
  Jan 2018 PEARL SMOKE
Kiara
All it took was one look
One memory
One flashback
One feeling
I'm back again
I remember it all.
The sadness
The irritability
The feeling of worthlessness
The feeling of impending death
The breakdown...
I'm back again.
And this time may be the last.
  Jan 2018 PEARL SMOKE
Kristie Lewis
Hide the thoughts, mask the pain
Break the rules to play the game.
Why? How? When? Where?
Who really knows?
No one cares.
It has to be possible- People do it all the time.
My walls just aren't typical.
Maybe that's a lie.
I don't really know.
One day I'll stop caring.
Sick of letting things show, not letting go.
Decide to feel different.
I hate when that's said.
It doesn't erase anything from my head.
Is it really that simple?
Perhaps.
I doubt it though.
If it were, there would be no relapse.
  Jan 2018 PEARL SMOKE
Lizzie
She sits alone in her room,
Listening to the sound of raindrops pounding on the window,
Demanding to be let in.
She cries in silence, for the pain she bares is too much,
She laughs with friends, flirts, jokes, alive with joy,
But in the end it's when she's all alone..
She chokes..
The crushing weight of dread, loneliness, and sorrow stab at her chest..
She wonders, when can she rest…
The voices are upon arrival, telling her there's no survival;
She pulls herself closer to hide the demons within..
But how can you drown them if they know how to swim?
‘Dunk them under’, they say, ‘smother them’;
‘How can I do that’ , she asks, ‘If they are inside me?’
As the rain pours louder, her heart shatters like glass,
The sharp edges cutting fast,
She asks herself,’How much longer can I last?’
As she takes the final slash
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