I'm sorry.
I just can't right now.
I can't sit back and pretend any more.
I'm not going to pretend to be happy for you.
And I'm sorry.
Because this means I can't talk to you,
At least for right now.
You're being too cheery
And I can't take it.
So I'll have to go for now,
But maybe I'll come crawling back to you at midnight,
Dried salty tears and blood staining my skin
As I beg for you to forgive me.
I'm sorry,
I just can't right now.

There are the people who see me smile my plastic smile
And don't realize it's fake
Because its all they've ever seen.

There are people who see my plastic smile
And don't realize it's fake
Even though they've witnessed the smiles that reach my eyes.

There are people who see my plastic smile
And know that it's a fake
Because they've seen me when I'm happiest.

There are people who see my plastic smile
And ask if something is wrong
The problem is, I almost always lie.

Someday I will leave
the cold sea

Leave its dark quiet wake
like all the long nights
I've forgotten

I will go sleep
on the soft shoulder
of the mountains

Watch her hands
cupping the moon

Somewhere west
of these frozen sad dunes

Say goodbye to the cry of the gull
and the bluewater wind I love

that leaves me feeling so cold.

I feel sick
I am not doing well
I am falling every day
Breathing under water
Drowning in my pain
I want throw up
Headache and dizzy
No freaking fun
Mind racing or incredibly slow
Thoughta suffecating me
I want it to go away
Anxiety and fear
Sadness overwhelming me
Battling myself
It makes me sick
It drains me
I wish I could just say goodbye
But I have to keep fighting
Don't let it win

Hi
Your voice... It's so nice to hear again.
It almost hurts....
but I've been so numb since you've been gone.

You've reached me
Have I?
I hope you're in heaven.
I never believed in god or an afterlife,
You know that.
but I hope there is now.

I'm out of reach right now
Because you won't be out reach forever,
If you're in heaven.
But heaven knows, I won't see you again.
You're so far gone.

But leave a message
And the closest I can get
is sitting at your tombstone.
Stone is cold and it doesn't warm my heart
like you once did.

and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.
I miss you so much,
And I will see you soon.

Your call is important to me.

*beep

i guess poetry can be used
to inspire optimism
and make people feel good,

but i'm looking for the kind of poetry that
eats the air
from my lungs and
sifts my holes
with a fistful of dead flowers.

You're a breath of fresh air in a world of smokestack trees.