you tell me I'm smart
that I'm strong
that i can do it

but how can i be smart when i can't do simple math
how can i be strong when some days i can barely drag myself out of bed
how can i do it when i can't eat my breakfast

you tell me I'm pretty
that I'm fine
that it will be okay

but how can i be pretty when i look in a mirror i see someone who is not me
how can i be fine when life seems grey and dull
how can it be okay when the days drag on and on and i just want to sleep

you tell me you love me
that I'm safe
that I can live

but how can you love someone as broken as me
how can i be safe when I'm with myself
how can i live when i can barely survive

you tell me that you'll be there for me
that you'll always be here
that no matter what ill have you

but how can you be when you don't understand what going on
how can you be here when i can say the same
how can i always have you when I'm afraid of scaring you off

you tell me lies and i can't tell you that i don't believe you
because it would hurt you
and i can't do that
im so sorry
but i just can't believe

Darling please don't leave my side,
For night is drawing near,
And I've nowhere to hide.

My demons are coming out to play.

They come out slowly, one by one,
And play until the rising sun.
You see, they dance, dance, dance,
Leaving me in a morbid trance.
You see, they sing, sing, sing,
Until I lose control of my breathing.

They push, push, push.
And they shove, shove, shove,
And they scream, scream, scream,
Until they get bored and leave.

They come again with blades
And soothing words
"This will help"
"It'll all be over soon"
Then they cut, cut, cut
Until they've had enough.
Then they kiss away my tears
And say "sleep tight"
"We'll be back tomorrow night"

I'm in an abusive relationship
With myself

I fall more in love with you every day
          You can trust me when I say
                    I wouldn't have it any other way

when you ask me: how do you feel?
what i say is: I'm good, how are you?
when i really mean: I'm scared. of loosing the fight,
i  feel hopeless, i almost lost last night.

when you ask: do you want to eat?
what i say is: no I'm not hungry. i had a big lunch
when what i really mean is: yes. i haven't eaten in days.
please tell me to eat because i will if you tell me to.

when you say: you look sad, are you aright?
what i say is: yeah I'm fine. i just finished a sad book.
when what i mean is: no. I'm not. please help me because
i feel lost. and alone. I'm scared.

when you ask me: why don't you smile more?
i say: i don't know
but i really mean: i feel to alone to smile.
and i don't have the energy to.

when you ask me: what wrong?
all i say is: nothing
but inside I'm screaming: i feel like i can't breathe.
the sun is to bright it hurts my eyes. can you help me?

so listen to my words and if i ever say: I'm alright
know that I'm most definitely not alright.
its okay its not your fault you didn't hear
i hid my thoughts
but i live in fear.

Have you ever felt like your in a pit?
A deep dark pit
That absorbs all light and hope
And you try to climb out of it
Up and up
Towards the light
Towards the happiness
And your almost there
And you can feel you spirit lifting
Stretching for the bright day
But then you misplace your hand
Or the rocks give out under your feet
And you fall
Back down
And you hit the bottom
And you feel like you can't do it again
And all you want to do is curl up in a little ball and cry
And so you lay there and sob
But after a bit you feel stronger
And you try the climb again.

Sometimes you will fall and slip
And sometimes you will reach the top
But no matter what you have to try
You have to climb
Because if you don't
Then you'll be stuck there forever
So try to the climb
Because you can do it.
You are strong.
And I believe in you.

No I'm not doing it because everyone else is
No I'm not wrong
No I'm not worthless

No I don't want your pity
No! shut up!
No I'm not "sad"

No I'm not broken, I'm just different
No you don't know me
No! *******!

No I know what I am
No! ***** you!
No I don't want to be perfect for you