Darkness surrounds this broken heart
Pumping directly from my brain
Thick smoke caresses every inch
Seeping into the microfractures of this foundation
I'm suffocating but continue to breathe
How odd this self-annihilation
Irrational thoughts inhale deeply
Turning precious oxygen into poison
I wonder why I'm so sick
As I sit docile and watch the violence

My existence wasn't a choice
So who gets to say my life isn't?
I've seen a lot and done enough
I don't want to experience more
The joys of life keep people afloat
My anxiety has stolen my buoy
I feel like I'm thrashing wildly
Grasping for something to keep me sane
I don't think there's anything wrong
Why is death always the enemy?
I am sad and I am broken
I've given my best to those I could
I don't want to settle anymore
Please just let me be free
Let me say goodbye when im ready
I want to choose my own destiny
I don't want to get better anymore
I just want this all to be over

I am falling
Perpetual spirals into the dark
I feel my hands grasping
As air passes through my fingers
Something feels off and
I really can't tell
If the caution is real
Or a phantom of my fear
I'm in the land of ghosts and demons
Haunted by these oppressive memories
It's hard to know what's worse
The monsters or the claustrophobia
Flowers can't bloom in the darkness and
Humans cannot thrive in isolation
This place is lifeless, suffocating
Only tolerable through inebriation
Kindess is but a mask here
Trusting no one a necessity
Half these people want me dead
And a quarter could care less
Don't tell me I'm overreacting
When even family aim their guns
I've made my escape and now
I know what growth feels like
I've tasted the freshness of freedom
Witnessed the miracle of peace
It is not like this everywhere
So don't try to normalize this hate
I found celebration beyond tolerance
And I've built my home there
This place is a noxious poison and
I'm done trying to survive it

Soft lips and sharp breaths
My fingers run through your hair
Body to body
Heartbeat to heartbeat
I can't help but feel
This is where we're meant to be
Guided by the universe
We've reached a space where
Quiet, calm, and peace
Bloom from a simple touch

When I'm with you, nothing else exists
Only you and your gorgeous smile
Our lips touch and I melt into you
Challenges and frustrations evaporate
As my soul sinks into a dance with yours
It's a feeling like warmth and home
It's all so new and yet
I feel safe lying here with you
Skin to skin, heart to heart
These feelings are indescribable
I trace gentle kisses across your face
And nuzzle my nose against yours
I'd stay here forever if I could
But these fleeting moments are more than enough

I want to let you in
I want to let you see me
I know in my heart that
The universe brought us together
Right now, I'm scared to open the door
Standing at the precipice of my deeper self
It could be so easy to give you the keys
But parts of me feel cemented to the floor
The fear is stone cold against my soul
Clawing away at my breath and my composure
This risk could change everything
Strengthen or shatter this precious connection
I've shown you my pain before
But you don't know of this
The secret space nestled into me
An echoing void that feels so empty
Something is missing here
Something belongs there
But I don't know what it is
I've spent so long cramming this cavern full
Of *****, love, and drugs
And it always drains out again
Because
These things won't make me whole
And I don't know what will

Once you know something, you can't unknow it
I contemplate the echoes of this inner void
Half knowing, half running
So afraid to fully commit
To fully let go
I've chosen to see then closed my eyes again
Unable to hide from myself
I've heard whispers of my truth beckoning
They want me to listen
To work together and grow
I know they're right, but I can't stand the sound
I've excelled at aversion
The keys to silence are in my hands
A couple of drinks or some edibles
Even the numbness of these meds
They're drugs all the same
And they mask the noise well
So at least for a little while
I can avoid it all again