its a lifelong learning
- to say a goodbye
and to really mean it.

its not easy to find yourself locked into someone else's agenda
and it can take a lifetime to realise you have been falling for it for what seems like forever and then the scales fall from your eyes
and the truth stares you in the mirror and you realise how gullible you have been to someone's deliberate targeting of your weakness.

I struggle to breath
Want to sleep but not tired
I want to talk but nothing in mind
I strain myself to be present
Spacing out my favourite thing
If im not present i cannot hurt
The source unclear
No one understand
Foreign language i have become
My silence unreadable
I crawl through the sewerage pipes of my mind
Desperatly trying to find the source
All this turmoil need a source
I wish you could hold me forever
Squeeze so tight my pieces fit
But when you let go
I fall
Brake and shatter
When you hold me i feel safe
I feel anew for the fight
But you always leave
You leave to rejoin your happy life
I realise the empty my life is
I hate my life

When you realize
that the only
                     strength
you need is your own.

You find that you can
pick yourself up
                             faster.

Rather than depending on
            others who walk
                              past your pain.

I woke up at 4 am
to the news of a mass shooting,
in Las Vegas.

It makes me sick,
that this is the kind of place
my kids will grow up in.

Now I just wonder,
has it always been this way?

When we were kids,
did our parents just cover our eyes,
and hide our face?

Or is all this ****,
this negative energy,

the beginning of an America

that's far more sinister?


It will be hard,
but we have to fix it.

I refuse to let my kids grow up
worried about ballistics.

Do you ever wonder sometimes
why you are wondering why?

like bees and flowers
we couldn't shopping
our ****** fights

and wall nails,such as
we couldn't  enter
our weak relationship

like water and cloud
we couldn't return to
were we different