I don’t believe in a god,
But for some reason I still pray to one.
Promising I’ll change my ways if he helps me,
just this one time.
But he never does,
So I don’t change my ways
I don’t believe in a god.

I tell myself I lie awake at night because I like the peacefulness,
It’s quiet and I like the silence.
No one can bother me,
I can do what I like.

It’s far from peaceful, the silence unwelcome.
Along with it comes the thoughts.
No one has checked on me in days.
Maybe I’ll do what I crave.

Whenever I think of happiness, I think of sunflowers.
The funny thing is, I don’t even like sunflowers.
They’re obnoxious.
Loud.
Vain.
They are tall. Stretching to the sun, selfish.
They are bright. Blinding all who look at them.

But they are unapologetic.
They love. They are love.
They live their life.
They are confident.
They are everything I need to be.
They are happiness.

It isn’t fair you know,
How some people just get life.
They seem to tip toe on the earth,
Barely causing a ripple.
Any commotion they cause in the delicate balance is quickly restored.
They get it.
The world gets them.

Why is it that I cannot tip toe?
I run, I stampede, I break.
I am destruction.
The world shatters around me like a glass that slipped through fingers.
Why does life not get me?