It’s hard,
Wanting someone who doesn’t even know you exist.
A world full of people, and you chose them.
And they choose their person,
Who doesn’t even know they exist.

I don’t believe in a god,
But for some reason I still pray to one.
Promising I’ll change my ways if he helps me,
just this one time.
But he never does,
So I don’t change my ways,
I don’t believe in a god.

I tell myself I lie awake at night because I like the peacefulness,
It’s quiet and I like the silence.
No one can bother me,
I can do what I like.

It’s far from peaceful, the silence unwelcome.
Along with it comes the thoughts.
No one has checked on me in days.
Maybe I’ll do what I crave.

Whenever I think of happiness, I think of sunflowers.
The funny thing is, I don’t even like sunflowers.
They’re obnoxious.
Loud.
Vain.
They are tall. Stretching to the sun, selfish.
They are bright. Blinding all who look at them.

But they are unapologetic.
They love. They are love.
They live their life.
They are confident.
They are everything I need to be.
They are happiness.

Sadness seeps through my pores,
Looking for an escape,
But none can be found
So instead it stays within, festering, feeding on my darkened blood.
Sad. Sad. Sad, but yet so emotionless,
Empty.
Nothing is felt, nothing, but everything. The weight of a thousand worlds is on me. On my shoulders, Perched like a parrot,
Singing his happy song, unknowing of the drowning within his branch.
I am the branch.
I am empty.