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 May 2017 Monotone
insomniatrical
Yet
Persistent in consistency,
And while eventful, still regretful,
Forever remember that day in December,
That cold night and those street lights
That once held all the dreams we might weld
And countless days of sunset rays,
Never forget, I'll remember you yet.
 May 2017 Monotone
insomniatrical
Rugged thief run,
Tear my heart in two.
I've had no fun,
Being here with you.
Some days I'm beauty and some days I'm grace,
Others I'll punch you in your face.
And most of them, well-
They're a living hell.
Why do I feel so out of place?
There's nothing wrong with confidence,
If only I weren't so dense.
Because beauty and excuses
Have no good uses
As long as we're broken and bent.
 May 2017 Monotone
angel
gift
 May 2017 Monotone
angel
i want to give you something.
a gift. maybe you don't want that gift.
but i really really want you to have it.
and i want you to keep it forever and i want you to think about it every day.
i want it to haunt you
and make you think of me
and how much i affected you.
you claim i never gave you a gift;
but that was because i tried to and you wouldn't let me.
and that hurts me
because i want to be something magnificent and i wasn't.
to you.
 May 2017 Monotone
insomniatrical
The truth is,
I can act like I'm okay,
But I'm not.
Sometimes when I smile, I am dying.
Sometimes when I smile, I am actually happy,
Because sometimes I forget,
But then it comes back.
My smile fades.
You come flooding into my head,
And there's nothing I can do to get you out.
There's no alcohol strong enough to wash out your memory,
No drug cancerous enough to **** the thought of you.

You are always there.
Even when I think I'm okay,
Turns out I'm not.

I'm always thinking of you,
And I check less often these days,
But I still feel the urge to.

We never got that dance, you know.
It should have been as sweet as our first kiss,
But we both know
That no matter how hard we try,
We can only be as smooth as crunchy peanut butter.
It's a good thing, in our own way.

I might feel like we fit,
But you might think our pieces are a bit rugged,
That we may never meet and lock into place.

And your voice is still like music to me.
I might not hear it,
But I still remember it.
And every time I know someone else is hearing it,
My heart breaks a little more.

And I know I can never be that person you need,
I can never have that beautiful face that you deserve,
And I might never have that captivating character,
The one that keeps you glued to me.
But, despite all of that,
You are still perfect to me.
And yet you still thought you were never enough.

I still cry.
When you said you loved me,
You built me.
You broke my heart with every kiss,
Every syllable,
Every breath.

You are my amortentia and you don't even know it,

                                                                                                                     Do you?
 May 2017 Monotone
mjad
Society
 May 2017 Monotone
mjad
why do I
feel like there is nothing for me
never any happy days
or acceptance or praise
just the heavy burden of feeling imperfect
and failing to please a stranger
the stranger being society
and its impossible to reach standards
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