Well, maybe I'm a broken doll,
A bird who's lost her heart
I don't know where home is,
Where I was born or where I keep my heart.

Silver slices in the sky
Boy, I'd love a moon pie
Silver slices in the sky
Cut off my head and make it fly
Twist my bones into a braid
There's a knight who needs my aid
Twist my bones into a braid
(I hope he doesn't just want to get laid)
Carve your name into my skin
I've always wondered why my heart is so thin
Carve your name into my skin
Maybe you can make me full again
Pump my heart full of fire
I've never been dancing with my sire
Pump my heart up full of fire
Ah, this is a fate most dire
Tear my brain right out of my head
I am crazy, I should be dead
Tear my brain right out of my head
Send me to sleep in a hellfire bed.

And then, melting into your kiss,
I want nothing more
Than to make it last forever, this
Perfection;
Just let me sink into you.

If I suddenly disappeared,
vanished without a trace,
how big of an impact
would it really make?

A soul full of stitches is mine,
A soul full of stitches and scars
No, they’re not from lost loves
No, they’re not from frequent grief
I’m just a little broken inside
I’ve got a loose *****,
My programming is malfunctioning
I’m just a little bit incorrect,
A math problem constantly done wrong

I thought I was unfixable,
I thought there was no hope for me
But then you came along,
Desperate to learn how to fix me
You reached into my head,
You tapped your knuckles against my heart
You found the refresh switch
And brought me to life
My glitches are still malfunctioning,
But I’m not frozen in place
My sticthes still sting and bleed,
But I’m not hiding from the pain

Something you did fixed me,
Even though I seem more broken
But the only reason I’m so
Uncontrollable
Is that I’m finally alive.

You're not here,
but I still feel
your arms around me.
You're not here,
but I'm still high
off your breath.
You're not here,
but you've left an
imprint.

I will be your Earth
When you need stability,
Your Water when you need clarity,
Your Air when you need to breathe,
And your Fire when you need to live and love.
I will be your Sun and Moon
to guide you through life,
And I will be your stars in the dark night
To bring you hope.

Can I tell you this again,
how much I love you?
It is infinite,
which is why I keep saying it.

You are the sun and the moon,
you are
every breath I take,
every heartbeat that reverberates in my chest

You are my present and my future,
I just wish you could've been in my past, too
But those times are wisps of gray
clinging to the multicolored fabric of my sanity
I don't want that fogging up my brain
I want you illuminating my head

*You are everything.

Blue glass bottle
To hold this rare moment of peace
There is no fear, no sadness, no anxiety
In this little blue bottle
This is peaceful happiness, a rare treasure for me
Ah, it is so sweet.

Hey, everyone, and to all Star Wars fans: May the 4th be with you! :D
  I hope everyone has a good day, and remember the wise words of Yoda: “You will know (the good from the bad) when you are calm, at peace. Passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack.”  :)

I feel it coming back again
That little yearning to draw blood again
Shred my skin,
Tear it off
Let me bleed and feel this pain
Tears are rolling down my cheeks
As I try not to scream
My father sits in the next room,
Blissfully unaware
This is one thing I will not share
This is the moment when I just
Want to tear myself to shreds
Just for the pain, sweet pain
I hate feeling numb
Cold
Empty
Give me real pain
Give me warm blood
Give me something to count on
Why is this suddenly coming back?
Oh, all the terror is coming back
Don’t scream, don’t cry
You don’t want to explain to daddy why
And, a mile away, my soul mate lies
Alseep, and dancing with a nightmare
Or awake, lost in the fiction of a video game
Either way he does not know
That I am suffering
But that’s okay,
I’ll keep it that way
For now,
Just let me suffer in silence, alone
That’s the way it always goes
That is how it will always go
Alone, I cry
Alone, I convince myself not to die
Don’t bleed, don’t cry
Don’t scream, and don’t cry
There will only be more pain
If you let yourself fall back
Can I do this? Can I prevent bloodshed,
Fresh scars on my skin?
I don’t trust myself, I don’t know
I don’t know
**** it all, I just don’t know.

Hiding inside of me,
Inside a girl made of ice and fear,

There is a woman made of fire

She spins and dances around my heart,
Trying to melt the icicles

She’s almost melted all of the icicles

Every kiss adds to silver puddle
That forms a pool deep in my belly

I don’t believe in any deity,
But I still hope and pray every day
That I will never feel true heartbreak;
*I hope and pray every day
that I will never lose you.

As I was taking a shower last night,
I noticed my phobia
crawling up the wall.
The creature was struggling;
she was barely any bigger than
some of the water droplets
that were scattered across her path.
I left her at peace,
for she was doing me no harm.
When I went back an hour later,
the arachnid was gone,
leaving no hint
of her journey’s success or failure.

Water
droplets
glistening in the sunlight
When the sun sets,
they’ll turn blood-red
When the moon comes up,
it’s silver they’ll shed
My memories slip down my cheeks,
And disappointment leaks
Out of the little red chasm
That’s formed in my skin
I express my insanity
With an unreasonable grin
Pay no mind
To this crazy little girl
Listen not to her ramblings,
Ignore the cracks in her skin
One day, she’ll simply break
And the world’ll be a better place
Ah, the voices,
There they are!
Whispering their little lies again
Gossipmongers wring their hands
Even they can’t spread words
Like my demons can
There’s just two things
To keep me sane
So that my life doesn’t simply wane
A kiss, warm and true,
Brings a flush back to my death-white cheeks,
And words scrawled down in the dead of night
Remind me of magic.

Can I write?
How can I write
When I feel so empty?
When I feel so empty,
how do I live?
How do I live,
with a brain malfunction?
With a brain malfunction,
can anything really fix me?
Can anything really fix me
if even in love I'm still broken?
If even in love I'm still broken,
how is it working?
How is it working
if I live an unstable life?

*Hope.

When I see my scars
lining your arm...
Baby, it scares me.
When I see my tear trails
not quite wiped from your cheeks...
Baby, it scares me.
When I see my pain
darkening your normally warm eyes...
Baby, it scares me.
When I see that you hurt,
just like me...
Baby, it scares me,
because I don't want to see you hurt.

Hush, my love,
Don't be scared
I won't let them hurt you
Those demons who wish to leave you scarred
Just stay close to me,
I'll take the blows instead
So, hush, my love,
Just breathe for me.

Lingering in the arms of my love,
Ears ringing from the noise of youth,
I realize how much I secretly yearn
for the solitude of the week-end.

"...who are about to graduate in six weeks..."*

Six weeks.
Six weeks?!

How is it only six weeks
to the end of safety?

Am I really ready for
the real world?

F
How would you feel
R
if I carved your name
A
into my skin
N
with a knife?
C
You'd scream, cry, ask me
I
"Why?"
S*
I love you, but I love the pain, too.

I know you said
it wasn't for the same reasons as me
But knowing that you drew your own blood
still scares me.

Tell me why
I shiver
and I shake
Tell me why my heart trembles
in my chest
Why must I live
in a such a fragile state of mind?
Anything could set me off, make me
EXPLODE
Why must I be
porcelain?

I don’t want to slip away,
Not when I’m with you
But I cannot control this,
This disconnection
The cords snap
Between my head and soul
So that I’m not quite here,
Not quite there
Honestly, I’m not quite
Anywhere
And then you look at me
Ask if I’m okay
You know
there’s something not quite right with me
You feel me slip away
But the me that’s not me lies
And she tells you I’m okay
Even as I drift away
Further and further from the truth of the day
Don’t let me slip away

Ouch! Open wound
Every touch stings
Like me, like me
I’m an open wound
Every touch stings
Ouch! Doctor’s gotta cut,
Because infections do no good
Like me, like me
I gotta cut
Because infections do no good
Ouch! It’s healthy again,
But hurts like torture
Like me, like me
I’m healthy again,
But I hurt like torture
It’s just a scar now,
shiny pink reminder of pain
*Like me, like me
I’m just a scar now,
Shiny pink reminder of pain.

The firmness of reality
is dissolving in my hands
I'm losing my grip on this, the truth
and it's hard to keep my feet planted
firmly on the concrete of what's known
But somehow I am standing in quicksand,
no longer solid gray stone
I'm not sure what is happening here,
I don't why I'm slipping away
But I hope someone can catch me
Before I vanish with the day.

I seem to have a tendency
to slip out of my own head.

I think I am floating
just above my head
I am not in my body,
nor am I dead
I'm just a little bit
disconnected
Is it normal, is it right?
Should I know the power of mind-flight?
I am not properly attached to the world
Reality is losing its grip on me.

Look inside me
See nothing? Look deeper
Hding under my beating heart,
Just behind the shimmering silver skin of my soul
A foul entity sits on a pile of dirt
One eye half gone, the other not quite whole
His skin a foul purple, reeking of lost things
This cursed creature sits and twiddles his thumbs
He watches through my eyes as I smile and I cry
And just when I think that he has crumbled away,
He suddenly climbs up my spine
And clambers into my head to play
He plays with shadows, he plays with light
He dissolves the clarity of wrong and right
He toys with puppets, all connected to my limbs
And as he plays he whispers
“No pain, no gain, precious heart,
You must break before joy you meet
This game I play is a practiced art
A game that you cannot hope to beat.”
And he giggles, and he shows me
All these ways that I could die
I could jump and try to fly
I could wear a necklace of rope
I could choke on broken hope
The silver shimmers in my hand
Promising a much better land
But in the reflection I see a new face
And my heart begins to race
For the face is not mine, but instead
my soul mate, who would shatter if I were dead
This tricky beast living under my throat,
He can dance and he can gloat
But no matter how many needles
he buries under my pale, scarred skin
I will always find my love again.

*And this is what will save me.

i.
It burns, it grows,
It threatens to devour me;
I can see why love is often compared to a flame.

ii.
Soft and gentle, this
kiss ignites a thousand flames;
My soul is ablaze.

iii.
It is a hunger, a burning desire,
And it is sweetness, soft comfort
All at once - how can this be?

v.
Whisper those bright words
to light up my dark gray sky;
Show me a new light.

iv.
This does not make a lick of sense,
This shatters everything i’ve known;
The fairytales are true, after all.

iiv.
I wonder if you
can see what you’ve done to me;
I am now awake.

Off
the top of my head
What can I write
off the top of my head?
Can I write a true, for-real poem?
Or just a bunch of nosense,
riddles from a gnome?
What can I create just by simple improvisation,
by simpling tossing words at a wall?
Will it be something to awe and inspire you all?
Will this poem simply crash and burn,
drag me behind it as it falls?
I don't know,
I will not know,
until I share this burst of improvisation
with the world.

Tell me now,
is it shining gold
or pitiful coal?

What is this, this sudden craving?
for you, love, for you
I've never felt anything quite like this
What is this, this burning desire?
for you, love, for you
Well, it's lucky that you are already mine
*if you weren't I just might be chasing you

what can wake me?
my true love's kiss
what can shield me?
my knight in shining armor
what can save me from the dark?
*my soul mate, bright and strong

Who? Who's there?
I cannot see you
through the fog that surrounds me
What? What is there?
I cannot see it
through the fog that surrounds me

Please, I must ask
that you leave me be;
Let me catch my beauty sleep.

I remember how it feels
I remember how it looks
I still see the ghosts
The scars of a temptation's hooks
I wish I could say that I've broken away
But
(even when I'm happy)
there are still times when I just wish
I could see the blood
one more time
(and when I'm dark and sad)
there are still times when I just wish
I could feel the pain
**one more time.

S h ii v e rr r . . .
I tremble as I breathe you in
I tremble as I think again
“You are the only one for me,”

S h ii v e rr r . . .
I vibrate under your gentle touch
I vibrate under the force of your love
And let it sweep over my head

S h ii v e rr r . . .
I shiver as I wake,
I shiver as the warmth seeps away,
And I realize that it was just another dream.*

But today I will see you,
And that will be a dream
come true.

The night drags itself across the sky,
weary and slow;
Below, I lie awake, cursed with starlight.

Hold me close, please,
Hold me close and don't let go
I just want to breathe you in
(I could get high just by breathing you in)
I just want to breathe you in
Hold me close and, please, please,

**Don't let go

Tell me, tell me,
tell me quietly
a whisper caressing my ear

Tell me, tell me,
tell me loudly
a shout to be heard by the world

Tell me, tell me,
tell me with a kiss
the gentle press of lips on lips

Tell me, tell me,
tell me with your soul
feel our souls touch and smile

Tell me, tell me,
tell me every day and night
*tell me that you love me.

To dream of you -
To hear your voice
And feel your lips
And see the smile I love so much -
Oh, I love these dreams of you
And when I wake up
And remember that I lie here alone,
It just about breaks my heart;
I curse the universe for plaguing me with time unspent.

Look out at the world
from within a glass eye
See the sky, tinted red
By infinite bloodshed
There's rain coming down
From scarlet-whisper clouds
Rain, red red rain,
Tastes like copper on my tongue.

90 FOLLOWERS! :D
You guys are absolutely AMAZING, thank you so much for reading and faving and reposting my poems! <3 :D

I don't want to feel numb
I'd rather feel pain
than nothing at all
So don't judge me for wanting to bleed
I don't want to feel numb
I'd rather feel pain
than nothing at all
Don't yell at me for relying on a blade
I don't want to feel numb
I'd rather feel pain
than nothing at all
Don't look down at my scars
I don't want to feel numb
I'd rather feel pain
than nothing at all.

Screech to a halt,
Looks like my engine's busted again.
I wish I knew how to fix it.

Settle into this
Soft place, comfort
Settle into this warmth
Sunshine filling your veins
Settle into this,
It is not reality,
Settle into this,
Escape from reality.*

Take my hand a lead me away from this place
Lead me away from the insanity, the pain
Take my hand and pull me up
Out of the hole I’m in, pitch-black
Scream into my ears, yes, scream
So loud i just may go deaf
Scream until i finally open my eyes
To look at you
Scream until the fog lifts from my face
And you can see me clearly
I can see you clearly
Walk ith me down the bumpy road
These hills keep popping up
Walk with me, up and down
Round and round
It’s a circle, it’s a cycle,
It repetitionrepetition
Repeat it again and again
Bro-ken rec-ord, bro-ken rec-ord
Spin me around,
Round and round the town
Hear me laugh
Maniacal
The neighbors close their shutters tight
So they can maybe sleep through the night
Hush, children, she’s on the prowl
Listen close, you can hear her howl
If you go out alone on this full moon
She will catch you and turn you into a loon
Loon, lune, luna, lunar, moon
It is fun to sing to the moon
Sing with me, love, sing with me
Dance with me, love, dance with me
When they come for me, i will be gone
I’ll dissolve in the moon’s silver light
And leave just a trace of my laugh in the night
You can hear me in the latest hour
If you go up the wooden tower
Hush, and listen:
Here lies an insane little girl.

STOP* STOP *STOP
Get out of me, demon
I don't want you controlling my limbs.