I am lost. A loose petal in the wind, ripped from a flower by a beautiful boy. He loves me not.

I've never had the courage to ask you about him. I remember feeling ashamed when Brianna asked "who is that baby in the center photo?" I couldn't muster up the courage to say, "oh, that's my brother." I think about that moment a lot. How I still can't muster up the courage to ask you about him. I know nothing about him. All I've seen is pictures. I've never told anyone about him, because I'm afraid to bring him up to people, like he's this big family secret. How can I tell anyone about him if I don't even understand what fully happened. I want to ask, but I don't want to bring you back to that dark time, even though I'm sure you relive it everyday of your life. You keep that locket around your neck with his picture as a reminder that he is always there. Just the other day you started sobbing in the middle of breakfast because you saw a little boy with the same curls he had. And in that moment, I wanted to cry with you, because you looked so broken. His birthday recently passed, the only thing I actually know about him, but I couldn't even tell you how old he would've been. I always wonder how different life would be if he was still here, but I guess we'll never know.

I pray every night that I forget about you. Who am I kidding, I'm not the praying type

I said your name twice today. ******* it. god ******* **** it.

I never imagined Hell to feel like this

I want to know you.
Your family, your childhood, your thoughts on love and religion.
I want to know you.
Your deepest, darkest thoughts, your fears, what makes you tick.
I want to know you.
Your favorite movies, songs that make you cry, books you love to read.
I want to know you.
The last time you cried, the last time you laughed, the last time you had the time of your life.
I want to know you.
Every inch of your mind, every inch of your body.
I want to know you…

I've let you hold my heart for ransom all this time. But you didn't want anything in return. I think it's time I take it back.

Tonight I am Atlas.
Forever burdened by the weight of the world.
I stay there, with the weight of the sky on my shoulders unable to shake this pain,
this agony,
this total devastation.

As the rain falls, so do I.

With every drop, I fall deeper and deeper into an internal depression.

My soul aches for the loss of what if and the agony that has followed

I used to pinch myself every time my mind wandered to you.
I thought, maybe, the feeling of pain would make me stop thinking about you.

It didn't.

I'm starting to enjoy it.

Boys have feelings too.
Boys have feelings too.
Boys have feelings too.

Those who have it are a dying breed. If only mine could die.

Go ahead! Keep showing up in my life. Don't mind me, this knife has been here long enough. I'm starting to get used to it. I like the pain. It reminds me I'm human. It reminds me that I am capable of feeling something.

I’m scared that I’ll let you down
That I won’t be what you need me to be
I won’t be what you think I am
I’m scared that I could never be fully vulnerable with you, emotionally or intimately
So, I’ll take my cowardly heart and save you from the heartbreak that is bound to come out of this

I met you fours years ago today and here I am, having the same thoughts, still wanting to know every single ******* thing about you.

Wanting you would be a death wish but
I'd cross the river styx and look the devil in the eyes
just to know your every thought...

Love
Love-less- lacking love in both the secular and the divine way
Love- who needs it
Love- who craves it
Love- who poured her heart out on the side of the road
Love- who mustered up the courage to say how she felt
Love- who, despite what her so called friends would think, fell for you
Love- who cries at night just thinking about all the opportunities she had
Love

i want to be your saturday morning coffee

foggy concert lights echoed euphoria

dancing alone
dancing with him
in my mind,
we were one in that moment

so far apart, yet so close
a distant day dream

a dream we were at that concert together,
swaying to the melody, grasping on to each word like they meant something
like i meant something
like i could ever mean anything to him

The fog in the lights echoed euphoria

You,
dancing to the beat of the drum in an open space

Me,
wanting  to dance within your space
Sway to the melody with your hand in mine
With your hand on my waist,
With your hand in the air
singing along to every word

If I closed my eyes it’s like we were

You,
standing there a few inches away
Me,
wanting so badly to grab your waist,
               your hand

and sing along to every word