Bella

Bella Oct 2015

You are in my morning coffee
My happy thoughts
The old memories that swirl in my brain, always swirl back to you
I think of you when I put on makeup
When I get dressed
When I hold all the parts of me,
You loved like no one else
When I say I hate commitment
When I’m singing and dancing
Or crying and shaking
I think of you
My late night drinks
And cigarettes
taste like your lips
I think of you
Do you think of me too?

#love #heartbreak #ex #depression #pain #sadness

Bella Oct 2015

Never let me go

My smiles are stitched in place
my words are a script
my laughs are rehearsed
I fold the anger under my skin
swallow the pain down
tuck the shame behind my hair
every heartbreak deep down inside my chest
I have mastered the art
of disguising my demons
but when you look at me
I am transparent
every story floods from my skin
bursting to be told
begging to be discovered
when you hold me
you hold every awful memory
and when you kiss me
oh god when you kiss me
it all fades away
and I am free

#love #heartbreak #depression #pain #lost #loneliness

Bella Jul 2015

If i loved you

I don't love you
I don't love your flaws
I hate them
you tore me to pieces
I hate so many things about you
you are like nicotine
worse than the hits I take
I crave so many pieces of you
but only pieces
I can never love you fully
as a whole
I love the sections of you I handpicked
and re arranged
into who I want
I don't love you anymore
I love feeling loved.

#love #ex #depressing #pain #hurt #relationship #breakup #exboyfriend

Bella Jul 2015

Untitled

I don't love you
I don't love your flaws
I hate them
you tore me to pieces
I hate so many things about you
you are like nicotine
worse than the hits I take
I crave so many pieces of you
but only pieces
I can never love you fully
as a whole
I love the sections of you I handpicked
and re arranged
into who I want
I don't love you anymore
I love feeling loved.

#ex #boyfriend

Apr 2015

Stu Harley

A Map of The Heart

before
all
the pieces
are
broken apart
then
we
shall make
a map of the heart

Apr 2015

Shaded Lamp

Rent

How I long to understand
Why we are so underhand
And throw away our lives for ownership

Who owns blossom on the tree
The gardener or the cherry
Should the bumble bee own the scrip

Twist your tendons and minds
Embers fly as the axe grinds
Just to avoid tongues cracking whip

Drunken on your earned credit
The latest "must buy" on Reddit
Who knew owning could be so hip

Time ticks and you get old
Till the day your body's cold
Then all your stuff cast in the skip

The bee flies from the tree
Pollen laden to the colony
Careless of your past "ownership"

The dollar turns into a cent
All you "owned" was just for rent
Space owns time, which owns your little blip.

Bella Apr 2015

"Are we out of the woods?"

Everything is falling apart
I can feel the grief in the air
each breath i take is like a rock in my throat
the truth is no one knows what to do
we are all wandering blindly into the woods
stumbling, tripping, trying to find an answer
a conclusion
but doubt is endless
my body is so tired
its skin so scarred
her eyes are dark
and his voice is low
father and my mother sleep in separate rooms
my sister sleeps in our living room
her husband across town
my brothers ring is no longer on his hand
their puzzle pieces fill my arms
to many to carry
to many arguments
the spaces between them are flooded with fear
i am drowning

#love #heartbreak #sad #depression #lonely #pain #lost #separation #divorce #divorcing