Each day I wake up
And let my messages buffer,
What if someone chatted?
while I was on my slumber

I received the usual messages
From groupchat's of school and friends
I read each message I missed
Until the very end

I do this every morning
Unless I don't feel well
I put some messages in ignore
and turn off my notification bell

I don't know why I do this
Maybe I want people to see
The girl that had always been there
Hasn't been online lowkey

I still check my messages
To see if someone's there
I let my messages buffer
To find that it's all bare

That day, I learned the truth
The painful truth that scars my heart
Even though you're always there
You are never enough

I'm jealous of those people
Who end their days so well
They don't have to think twice
If they are living in hell

I live constantly in pain
always feeling agony
I don't feel sorry for myself
I made myself this tragedy

Every night before I sleep
I have a habit of overthinking
"I shouldn't have said that"
"Was I too much?"
"Am I really not enough?"
These thoughts linger my mind
As I feel forgotten and left behind
but I have no right to complain
I made my life this way

I started to change,
when I decided to love you
I learned to dress nicely
and gave gifts to you too
I dyed my hair brown
It reminded me of your eyes
And got clothes colored red,
the color you always liked
I tried to loose weight
so you might like me more
And I changed the way I act
I wasn't me anymore,
You started to like me
for all the changes I decided to have
I loved you for who you are
You loved me for who i'm not

I'm scared of smiles
It can hide so much pain
It has so much secrets
not everyone can attain
Everyone smiles
but not all smiles are true
It may be picture perfect
but it hides pain for a few
I saw someone smile
even with tears in her eyes
As she saw people leave
without uttering a goodbye
So don't go around
Judging people by their smile
You never really know
if they're dying inside