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J J Apr 2024
Sever the love that comes without obsession and never long for the inescapable consequences inbetween

My sunrise tied to a kite-string,
fate is something that i thought
only existed in hindsight

But when we first met i second-
guessed that, two figures walking
the city unaware we were ants

Compared to the buildings
that surrounded us. Such pretty
buildings i've passed so many times

and still as lost as one another.

So serene and young again
to talk and learn without thinking,
i don't mind returning to emptiness;

i held you and you held me...

Farewell until we meet again,
get home safe and when it gets late
sleep well and be kind to yourself.

Thank you for making this day a beautiful one and i can't wait for the next.
(what I used to be will pass away and then you'll see that all I want now is happiness for you and me-- Happiness by Elliott Smith)
J J Apr 2024
I hate how my voice gets when I speak to strangers so I prefer to stay as quiet as possible

I'm so glad you called me out of the blue today it's felt so long since I've been comfortable

enough to speak without thinking too far ahead.

Peaceful mornings more vivid to picture than yesterday;

This time last year--stuck holding on to hope without reason,
Sipping leftover champagne walking you to the bustop

And gone you went just as that version of you is gone still

And it is beyond debate that I'm in a better place now.
Lil ditty
  Apr 2024 J J
Don Francisco Luis
And for a little while
after I’m gone
they will tell stories about me
some true
some false
good memories
bad memories
but only for a little while
because after awhile
I am no longer making new memories
only old memories linger
like all old memories
they fade and eventually are forgotten
so in the end
I am just a forgotten memory
that once may or may not existed
J J Apr 2024
Scorched earth dripping from my fingers (you know how sometimes the smell of smoke can save lives?

and how sometimes I'd prefer I slept in)
glistening a while as the pieces crumble into invisibility.

I'm ever waiting

To become what I make, and

I don't mind if you let me think I'm winning the race until I've lost you
completely

If I don't speak please don't take it to heart, my best years are gone but you can have my ghost

If you wish to. I'll be here. Ever writhing, tied to my promise: no longer screaming. My silence

Is the best gift you could ever wish from me, if you knew me well-enough you'd know that to be true.

I've took on so many names and faces and manipulation tactics, at this point I'm a one-man-cult

Victimising shadows,

I'm kind to myself now but I still feel nothing mostly, but that doesn't have to be your problem
Any longer

Than you make it, I've grown up some with little option otherwise. I'm yours I'm yours I'm yours, for as long as I'm willing to be dragged around.

Fallen weak,

Ever-bleeding as long I can breathe without thinking.
Some memories are better left untouched and some regrets taken to the grave and some people left to crumble themselves to nothing again and again, undisturbed for as long as can be expected.

Don't wait up for me, you'll end up as good as a prayer for the dead to return.
Ow / this isn't an airport(...)
#ow
J J Feb 2024
on the phone
you talk and talk until suddenly
  you say you're going to let me go.

i stare out empty, filling in images
  over the blank wall, it's became a sort of silent mantra as of late;
the vague daydreams are bound to crumble back to memory
some way or another
if not wear it's bite marks like tiny wounded flags

i let grow swollen.  i only wish you never changed me like you did. i remember gathering rugburnt rashes
on our underthighs, making each other's jaws twitch
with the electric heater as our modern day campfire.
it's a good day for a warm shower, to burn my skin red and peel an unrecognisable face out of the mirror, a clense, a diy baptism;in the aftermath: i showered as many times as i had to,
i saw the outcome miles away (it was a certainty any time i dared to speculate on the possibility)
O why am i so sickened ?
i had to figure out if i had any right to be

and the days dragged on so long.

your eyes glowed like chasms once,
they've grown oxidated and cold since.
i hope i've done my part to change you too.

Sometimes I've felt like a pawn being puppeteered to trapeze a thin string,
Knowing for sure that I'm drawing a noose but waiting to know who it's for.
Bee.
J J Feb 2024
On and on and on
Fall Fall Fall
Coursed trek under ceaseless fire,
attempted to debate
and ended up
in the same place the
   next day as it was the day before--
death is the only thing
only to be made sacred as a coping method
--I cannot trade my remaining days
to look into the eyes of the dead once more--
of the living thru divinity absorbed

Same as the aeons-old saints that travelled endless caves and exited poorer

as they who sit legs in a basket
with homemade-shoelace-diadems crowning their head in the corner of their bedroom floor
as is the meek and deceiving and loving&caring and the useless.

Yes,I used to speak without thinking but I concussed for two years straight so how could you blame me?
On and on it's like we never stop falling
  even when we go our separate ways.
Time takes away everything, and there's no way around that.
And I was so young once and I was so inlove once that I
Forgot conjoined-twins were born together before later-on being severed...
I'm cold as the winter, it was a cold-*** December without you for the first time in a long time,
--won't find your way to what you're looking for when you don't know where you're going--

the fallout kills us before us the ******* bomb explodes.

We pluck stars from the sky and split them into sugary atoms and return the scrambled constellations like ill-fitting clothes yet you refuse to be proud of me anymore
a genius builded on words alone then kicked in head until he's no brain left hahahaha ***** who cares who cares for arguments at any rate

When we were born into a wolrd where it's so easy to get the last word in
A malediction spat out in the heat of the moment,if you had a heart it wouldn't forgive you babe
Your burdens aren't mine to bare or to forget
I knot my skin into blistery folds of rottiningess
Just kidding
don't worry about me
I doubt you ever did,though
So really what am I saying?
I'd deform my feet walking countries
for you to lock the door and laugh at the window,
You don't learn you just embrace your worst I've been there
Trust me babe
I've been more
Than out of control
I've been more than a taken out pawn
I've been more than your babe
I've been more than unfairly blamed
I've been worn to nothing

and we've both been through less than we deserved but who's counting
their blessings?
I get so sick sometimes but I'm not waiting for nothing
other than said sickness to pass.
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