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 Jan 2020 Kaya Garcia
A
I am:
Disturbed
Cheap
Narcissistic
Selfish
Lost
Stupid
Worthless
Un­attractive
Inadequate
Boring
A mistake
Ugly
Useless
Dreadful

Maybe. But I'm still your wife. And I DO love you.
It's effortless.
my ego
were as small
as my breast
I could have a good rest

If only
my courage
was as big
as my nose
then anything goes

If only
my rue
could grow out
like my hair
I wouldn’t have a care
 Jan 2020 Kaya Garcia
Alex Smith
My mistake
Was loving you too hard.
My regret
Was never telling you
That I needed love back.
Your words- they mesh
Too cruel to understand
And in your hand I shrivel.
Clever girl,
prove me wrong.
Is this your way of scaring me?
Why can't they hear me?
People so dear to me.
Why can't they see me?
People so free- to me.
What is it that I am missing?
What is it that I need?
What is it that my old soul couldn't breed?
Why do birds seem so free--
suddenly..


Caged-
on a spool
My wings are sewn to me.
Is this what I swore I'd be?


Not today, just not right now.
To hear them clear as light.
But do they ever take a break?!
No never, day or night.
Ticking away like a clock, rushing like a second hand.
Do you ever take a break from clicking at me, my old friend.
Not today, no not right now.
Just hearing clear as light.
Not today, my old friend-
please- just not tonight.
 Dec 2019 Kaya Garcia
Mari
Worthless
 Dec 2019 Kaya Garcia
Mari
My heart feels like
it's about to shut down
from all the truths
that only I know

People view me
as kind
selfless
heartfelt
with empathy

Yet once they witness
my darker side
this inner demon
that is always
a few steps behind me

Once they see
the ashes and smeared blood
tainted within my mind and heart

I am once again alone
alone to pick up the pieces 
of a love that never was
 Dec 2019 Kaya Garcia
agatha
light
 Dec 2019 Kaya Garcia
agatha
and I adore you,

your smile like
a thousand suns—
penetrating every crevice
of sadness in my bones .

—1:26 AM, b
 Dec 2019 Kaya Garcia
MmmYes
Stuck.
 Dec 2019 Kaya Garcia
MmmYes
I'M stuck between "i really want to talk to you" vs "I really need to get over you."
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