She lay atop hills of green
Watching strings of soft silk
Behind sun kissed lids

That's how he found her;
With violets entwined through ebony locks
Giggling at her first real taste of freedom

I feel my flesh move rivers
Staring down the clammy skin on my stomach
Looking into the face of a stranger
Body count?
Maybe four
I don't remember exactly
I put my legs up and let his body move like clockwork
It is the easiest position for me to detach
As far as I know, I keep watching the same movie
Man, in front of me
Man, ****** on
Man, inside of me
That is the moment I close my eyes
And stop watching.
That is the moment my PTSD tells me
I am not in control anymore
That is the moment I hold my breath
Dig my nails into his wrist
His throat
His eyes
So he will stop looking at me like that
So the world will stop looking at me like that
Sleeping with guys whose names you cannot remember
Makes you a **** these days
But blacking out does not always come from drinking.
He gets off
And rolls you to the bed of grass next door
He says
"That was fun."
You say
"Until next time."
And walk into the future
Onto the next one
Nameless, faceless
Leaving you
Naked, alone.

CRESENT OF SINS
full and half empty bottles of beer;
scattered broken glasses,
deranges the cracked brown hued floor
music gales from an old c.d changer
inebriated guzzler mumbles in incoherent murmur
denuded nubile cavorts merrily
their sleek oiled frame shimmering in the fuzzy light
ghoulish **** silhouette walks in fluid and sinuous manner
fog like smoke chokes the room
marijuana and cigarette smoke amalgamates
swirling up merged into an eternal marriage
heels clad trollops clatters in the room
swaying their assets provocatively
boozers gapes intently with hazy eyes
raising their neck in unison
they ogle at the lure with entranced lust
two vague humanoid shapes lurks in a corner
moans escaping in raspy staccato
musk,*****,drugs defines this room
besotted species lie on filthy squalid floor
vocalizing dirge melodies
lost in muddled blur
dancers prances up and down
crushing cans and glasses in spirited tempo
yelling their lungs out
as the music drown their voices and worries
deep in the gist of the city
irrational rants emanates from every angle
sundry light floods the clear night
as merry goers sip cheap and expensive liquor
sloven hookers milks cash from patrons
the night conceal this cresent of sins
everyone is on a business
the party continues
the music get more stentorian
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
[{chronicles of the dumb speaker}]

Your lungs are those who inhaled the precious
cigarettes nicotine,
But tell me why I was the only one being poisoned
My already decaying heart
Taking on more damage
By the toxic lies
Your taunted tongue told

Brain is reporting effected too
Just another ***** stimulated by you
Even though our time is through
My bloodstream still craves your toxins,
Exactly like the way
Your lips crave the end of your cigarette,
It's really a shame you never wanted me as bad as that.

Yes you have that I bet.
Sit with the interned, let it caress you
all the while it ***** the time away
straight from your internal clock
along with neurons
social and family relationships
so much time
What the ******* guys
you'll die with no memory
of ever living.
Think about that.

There's a part of me that has to push you away.
I'm like a phone that can only dial 911.
This part of me screams at me like the silence at a funeral.
I've sent out many amber alerts to find the part of me that would let you in.
My mom says that I need to follow my heart but I can't look at my heart without covering in bruises because I can't help but blame it for all the scars left from another life.
You said, "You're something else." And thats the problem.
I have a reflection that looks like a mother burying her child.
I have a heart that feels like a birthday spent grieving.
I'm something else..I know.

I always wanted to fit in
Never to be to different
I'd be a lion among black sheep
Wanting to be a sheep
Not surrounded but hidden
Only to miss it
Every second in minutes before the hour
And now in a garden once so green
I miss my flowers

Now there's smog it seems
I just want to vent
Be a little bit of weak
And let my ideas spread
While someone else is light years ahead
Just let it be in the sea
Still on the surface to be more than grounded

Beat or let me be
As free as a bee
Sun or sleet
No one comes
All there to see
Can I get a witness
Is it less than free
What's less than free

Nothing is all I be
Something is what I seek
To find the me
Hidden within the me
But fail to like this

I'm over the identity crisis
I can see what I see
But I can't hear
Not one peep


Man I miss the flowers