Life
                                                            ­    has
            a
                       funny
     way
                                           of
                                  
                                ruining

      
                                                      Lives.

Artists are often
broken people
using the fragments of themselves
to create something new
and although
being healed
feels so complete
sometimes i want to be broken again
sometimes i want open wounds
so i can use the blood
to paint sunsets
so i can use the torn off pieces of skin as a canvas
so i can carve
masterpieces with the jagged bones left behind
but I can't bring myself to break my own heart in the name of Art

is this why i can't find happiness in someone else?
are you the reason why i'm so deprived?

has my heart belonged to you this whole time?
i just...I don't know

you make me feel so strongly that i can't even tell what emotion i'm feeling

every part of me is telling me to ignore you

but i don't want
I really don't want to

approach me with caution
a deadly edge
dreaming yet I'm weary
waiting for the end
could you show me?
could you maybe just dethrone me?
goodness, I think my soul is overflowing...
never miss a call
don't delay, get the story straight
fighting our downfall
just to stay, feeling far away

i wanted to say that you left me with nothing,
but i'd be wrong.
you forgot to take these feelings away with you.

In 2019,
I want more.

Want more sunrises
More rolling out of bed with a purpose

More afternoons curled in a love seat

I want a garden
inside me and in my backyard

More friends
More nuzzles from dogs

More oceans

More allowance to make mistakes
After all, you were brave enough to try.

More stillness
More belly laughs
More love letters

More sway in my hips
Cool breeze on my lips

More looking in the mirror to see my smile
not the width of my thighs

More finding shapes in the clouds

More moments that leave me breathless

More life
All the painfully messy beautifully chaotic morsels
dripping from my chin

In 2019,
I want more.

you can vent
but we only care if you do so delicately