It's all my fault.
All of this,
It's all because of me.

I loved you.
I thought you loved me,
But you didn't.

This pool of blood next to me,
is all my fault.
All. My. Fault.

There was a knock on my door.
It was you.
Your blue eyes shined brightly at mine as they always did.

But now, the light is gone.
The shine in your eyes has vanished
And it's all my fault.

I let you in the house,
"Why are you here?" I ask.
You slam the door and lock it.

Nervously I ask,
"What was that for?"
Your eyes were dark.

You gripped my hand tightly,
you lead me into the bedroom,
You shoved me onto the bed.

My head slammed into the headboard;
Hard, but not hard enough.
My head spun.

I vaguely saw you undress,
"What are you doing?" my voice slurred
as you tore off my pants.

I tried to say, "Don't," but I couldn't muster a word.
I put my hands up to stop you
But there was no stopping you.

A moment later, you're on top of me.
You forced my wrists down
And caressed my neck with your lips.

I tried to move
But your grip was too tight.
I could feel your hands leaving behind marks around my wrists.

I tried to tell you to stop.
You were hurting me.
But my voice was gone.

My vision blurred in and out of focus.
You squeeze me tighter as you forced your way in.
I gasped, the pain was unbearable.

I have to do something
The woman in my head showed me a vision that I knew would make you stop.
No, not that. Anything but that.

All I could feel was pain.
All I could see was your blurred face contorting in sync with your body.
All I could hear was a loud ringing in my ears.

"Stop," I whisper.
"Stop it."
"Please."

Your mouth went back to my neck.
You kissed me.
You bit me, hard.

"Get off!" I said loudly.
I had finally found my voice.
"Stop it now."

You didn't stop
The pain didn't stop
With each ****** my head throbbed.

The pain was never ending.
Tears streamed down the sides of my face.
A loud, terrified scream pierced my ear drums.

It took a moment to realize, it was me.
Both sight and sound were suddenly clear.
With an edge to my voice, "I said stop."

I ****** my knee up and hit you.
You loosened your grip on me.
I broke my hand free and sucker punched you in the jaw.

You rolled off of me and I was already on my feet.
I started to run toward the kitchen.
You chased after me.

I found the knife block
And drew the first one I saw.
I turned around, knife in my hand, you stopped dead in your tracks.

"Calm down babe.
Don't get yourself all worked up.
We were just having fun."

"Fun?" I screamed.
"You call that fun?
I'll show you fun!"

Not again,
My eyes rolled back into my head.
She took over.

"You'll pay for this," she hissed.
She had complete control over my voice, my body.
Please know I couldn't stop her.

Don't hurt him
I tell her.
But she doesn't hear me.

She raised my hand that clutches the knife.
"Die you miserable *******," she screamed.
She brought the knife down deep into your chest.

No!
Stop it!
Don't hurt him!

It's too late.

Your body dropped.
You laid there motionless,
Blood pooled all around you.

She released her grip on me.
I gasped for air and
dropped.

I sit here now next to you.
I hug my knees to my chest
and rock back and forth.

"No.
Why?
This can't be real.

You didn't mean it.
You didn't mean it.
You loved me."

I gently touch the marks on my wrists.
I wince.
"You didn't mean it."

This is all my fault.
I should have tried harder to stop it.
She just tried to save me.

She didn't mean it.
She can't help it.
You didn't mean it.

It's my fault you're dead.
I couldn't stop you.
I couldn't stop her.

She is just a part of me.
I needed help.
She was stronger.

You didn't mean it.

Zoomed right out
Insignificance crept in,
Getaway tokens tucked,
Pent up angst, unfurled.

To flee the familiar
Not doing this to cause hurt
It just has to be this way,
Staying is not viable.

Need new air to breathe,
New faces to avoid eye contact with,
To make the unknown my known
It's my goal and only.

In search of enlightened souls,
to caress my core.
Been loved in the past,
Am willing to think about trying.

Looking for new stars to count,
New smells to turn my nose up at.
The frigid life is no longer happening,
Dying is better than meandering.

Confidence should find me,
On what ever page of the atlas I inhabit.
Former acquaintances should forget.
For it is whats best.

Never think that dead leaves cannot speak.
Words can be uttered without mouth or beak.
Come in heard to hear and they'll remain mum.
To hear them in solitude you need to come.

Loneliness and silence are their best friend.
You can listen only if truth you seek and intend.
If you've mind and heart to listen, men of clay!
Words more worthy than living they can say.

If your heart is strong and if you have no fear.
Then in storms they are very loud, very clear.
And if your heart is weak in breeze come near.
Truth of this life they will whisper in your ear.