I sit with my head in my palm,
Tears dripping leaving eyes feeling like sand.
I shouldn't care so much
I should be so immune
But it cuts the scar and always creates
A brand new wound within its place.

I fake a smile, and pop a pill
To take away the anxiety and fake thrill
Of being rejected again
It hurts so bad
Like I want it to happen
But I stare at you
Wondering why
I'll never be good enough in your eyes.

Then I'll fall in love
With someone new
But it wont matter
Because I'm ******* stuck with you
And I know you still resent me
And I know you look right through
The very pieces I so desperately
Want to share with you

I wish Goodbye was easy,
But it never is,
Especially when it involves
Lots of dogs and kids
How do you say goodbye
To a life so comfortable and seemingly nice
To plunge in a world unknown
Never to pretend that my heart is full of lies.

I hate the way I love you
I love the way I hate you
It's like a painful game
And the loser is the only winner
In this ****** up game.
I want to say goodbye
I want to say hello
To the person in this world
Who wants to cherish my soul.

Let me introduce myself while we're here,
Names aren't important,
I'd rather make the message clear.

I'm the one who comes out of the dark,
To make things bright.
Euphoria overcomes me,
I'm invincible, ain't that right?

Just kidding,
Let's be fair.
Real life can't exist,
When I'm feeling like this,
I'll still be there to play,
Once I get out of this place.

In my head something isn't quite right,
Everyone wants to pity me,
And I guess that's just fine.

I exist in my mind,
Sorry darling,
Can't be fixed,
I'm the broken toy nobody wants to play with.

So feel sorry for me,
While I swing around free,
Not a care in the world,
At least for the time being.
Maybe this time I'll be fine,
Or I'll simply ruin my life.

I'm not sick,
I'm not crazy,
I'm all alone,
Isn't that amazing?

Standing here in front of you,
That don't make no sense,
I don't care if my grammar is atrocious,
Judge me if you dare.

So keep on staring with tears in your eyes,
It's funny how you only care when I'm falling apart inside.
You don't get my disorder,
You can't understand how I tick,
Is it funny how I'm dying inside,
I'll laugh just because this all seems so **** insane.  

I already told you,
I can't be saved.
Haven't you heard?
I can't ******* be saved!

I don't know why I think about,
The dirtiest word I know,
My eyes start to swell up,
It starts to eat at my soul.

Why does it come across me
Why do I feel this way
Why was I born different
Why couldn't I just be the same

The dirtiest word I know
Is one that was almost met
With a bottle of pills
That I cant say I regret  

A little girl back then
Not nearly the same
Wasn't able to admit
This would be a lifelong fear

Or a threat- I guess that's right
It taunts
and haunts
Sometimes wont leave me alone

This *****, ***** word
Is really starting to take hold
It happens when I'm happy
It happens when I'm sad

I guess the words are manic,
anxious and depressed
It sounds much better simply said
Then the  real words they represent

I skipped my medication
I skipped my only step
I could blame it on some other thing
But I'm the one at fault  

I lose control of everything
Of the world that I try to control
Will there ever be a cure for the way that I feel
Or will suicide finally take hold

It gets worse the older I get
I fear it will only grow
I hate how this feels
I hate who this makes me
I just want to feel normal again

**** it hurts.
Falling out of love.
You wouldn't think it would.

My everything.
My heart.
My future.
So I thought.
So they say,
It's okay.
Still falling out of love,
it stings and burns.

My stomach is a pit of snakes,
Tied in impossible knots,
The guilt that's filled inside of me,
Is enough to eat me raw.

Falling in love is easy,
It's lovely, wouldn't you say?
It's not wondering what went wrong,
Or how we became some tragedy,
We were the one's that were going to make it,
We thought we knew everything.

**** it still hurts
Someday I'll be happy,
A piece of who I used to be,
But a broken heart needs time to heal
Time to be okay.

I've fallen.
I've fallen for someone I'll never meet.
Someone I'll never know.
He exists as a fantasy.

Possessing the most imaginative depths of my mind
As Sylvia said, I've likely made you up as a figment in my head.  

I'll never know his smell
Or taste
His voice, whispers brushing against my ear
The shivers are the only part that is real.

The lust I have could grow to love
If I ever had the chance
If we ever had a chance
It likely wouldn't last
That is if he were here
As if he existed at all

Lonely,
Lost souls found themselves connect
Like long lost friends that couldn't resist
Who ever thought it would turn out like this
Friends who care turned to friends who ignore
Friends who never were friends
Just passing by to pass the time

Maybe we would have been lovers
Irresistible to each others touch
I guess I scared him to much
That is if he even existed at all
I miss him though
Ignored and all

Timing was wrong
Life paths couldn't cross
Forbidden but stalled
I wish I would have never responded at all.

Occupy my head,
Is what my heart has said,
And as we all know,
So the story goes,
My heart- it tends to win.

Reason says I'm stupid,
A gambling fool,
I used to be the one to play by society's rules.
Now I'm nothing more than a hypocrite,
Dont believe me? It's the truth.

I dont know why I'm chasing,
When I should run fast and far away,
But the silence aches for something I could only dream that I have had.
Yet I carry on, settling for nothing but a sign,
Hoping at the very least I get a real goodbye.

I feel so ******* desperate.
Attachment isn't really my thing,
Except the connection is strong,
Even though it's so wrong,
Why did you go without a single word?

I suppose you're my shortest breath of inspiration,
The ghosted object of my affection.
The joke came true,
I guess we both knew,
You'd eventually become my muse.

Gone before you came,
Your infatuation must have finally faded.
No matter then.
I guess we weren't friends.
So please! I beg...
Stop occupying my head.

If love decided to be perfect,
Humanity may become humane.
Brokenness could deteriorate,
Jealousy a forgotten game.

If love decided to be perfect,
Peace may have a chance.
Honesty would blossom in acceptance,
We could achieve  our unfathomable dreams.

If love decided to be perfect,
A wholeness within could be filled.
The negativity that tomorrow always finds,
could finally close its eyes and die.

Alas, love shall never be perfect,
Hate- its true desire.
Good fortune always shines above waiting,
To turn into a most painful destruction.