Lying next to me
A women caresses a vibrant yellow cube
In her palm she rolls it back and forth
I inhale deeply
Her palm closes in and the cube is crushed
My breathing becomes unstable
....
“IM SORRY, I’M SORRY!”
She has taken everything
I hold her
She is warm

Do you still listen
when I talk to you?
The joy on your face
has completely gone
Have you lost all hope?

Do you wonder
about my days?
I await for
you to come back

to normal
I'm losing
self control

why not?
maybe?

NO!

I attempt to get up and walk but my limbs are in stasis
I command this body lying on the ground to do my bidding, its no good
Eventually I tire myself and get frustrated so I choose to forget how to move
I'm happy now but only for a brief moment

My delusion of being contempt fades, I feel defeated
I observe others and how they move without any struggle
I envy them
No I hate them

After countless days had passed I had given up not only hope but emotions overall
I admit defeat and go numb
No more struggles
No more despair
No more hope

One day a man walks up to me, grabs my wrist, and heaves me up
I dangle from this mans grasp, I'm amazed
My feet slowly touch the ground
My arms stretch out and I remember how to move

This unbearable weight has been removed, I am in awe
This unconceivable frustration is no longer present
I am indebted to this man however without saying a word he disappears

Time passes I forget what it was like to be immobilized
My memory of the man who picked me up fades
And one day I choose to lay down and forget how to move again

Most think after you die you shed your skin and reach a better consciousness
However while I'm alive I shed my skin in hope of reaching unconsciousness

To pick a flower for you would be an almost impossible task, I would have to search long and far
Because anything living in this world doesn't have the power to grasp
how beautiful you are
To watch the sunset or look up at the stars when with you is pointless
They try to compete with you but they can't even when they're looking their best

A bouquet of the finest roses for you would not suffice
The kindest gestures fail in comparison to you, but they are still nice
No man is good enough for you, no king no noble no peasant
I might as well give you dead flowers because they all compare the same in your presence

Burns are only too hot if you don't expect them
Cuts are only too deep if you didn't intend them
My pain is displayed on my body in bruises, cuts and  burns, and I don't care to mend them
A knife against my wrist, a lighter blistering my skin,  running headfirst into a wall I have no solution to my problem

As I bleed, blister, and bruise I detach my self from reality and don't plan on returning
I plead to stay  in this moment of bliss but reality wins and brings me to this insanity of constant yearning
This instant of perfection leaves me and I'm left feeling corrupt
I'm taken away from my haven and brought back to reality left with nothing but cuts

Others surround me and look very profoundly at my display
I'm covering up my blood, blisters, and bruises so I'm not found insane Hovering a knife over my arms again, to detach myself  and run away from my shame
I again forget the world around me and I'm indulged in pain

And next time I will cut deeper
and deeper
I will bruise myself till I black out
I will burn my skin until I can't anymore
Maybe this time I'll stay in this haven a little longer

Drowning my emotions in a bottle of gin till I'm numb
Only to be resuscitated with oxygen breaking into my lungs
I'm on the ground grasping for air, my heart beats against my chest as loud as a drum
There is no sound except for my heart beat, at this moment I succumb

I set fire to the floor beneath me and I continue to lie down in the flames
Smoke surrounds me and I breath in as every part of me is drowned in pain  
I say good bye to this world and resolve at the bottom
Hoping this is the way I can solve my problems

Falling  freely to my death there is this moment that is ideal
Drawing keenly on what I think is my last breath, but I'm caught only to be brought back to what's real

Reality binds me up and brings me to a lowly shame
I feel nothing anymore so I choose to feel my own pain
However reality doesn't care about how I feel because all humanity wants me to do is change
So I change into clothes that look proper and I act as they tell me to

I conform to what they want and try to act happy
There's this moment of bliss as I approach a cliff and jump
Hoping this time no one will catch me