M - Hello Poetry

M Sep 2016

The mind forgets the blueprint pain of the drug and will only remember the difference and distortion it enables. A new pattern of reality that leaves behind the mundane and prosaic of chatter and routine that we die to escape. And when awoken the next day it craves the difference and excitement that only comes in stride with chemical pain.
"The question is frequently asked: Why does a man become a drug addict? The answer is that he usually does not intend to become one. One morning you wake up sick and you're an addict."
I understand. I do. I woke up our first morning in love with you and spent the next 86,400 minutes of my life trying to find a way to tell you. Now, I soak my roses in Gin and Jack Daniels and that is the only way they'll live. I watched the entire world fall to rubble in front of me one night, and I saw you rebuild it from the ash the next day. The last four moments of my dreams this morning before waking, I spent lying next to you. You told me I had a massive nose and you smiled because you laugh at your own jokes, and you play card games that you don't know how to play so you slam your cards down when ever you feel like it with the confidence of someone who had just won the entire universe even when you had nothing. You are the girl that someone will write about for the rest of their lives, because you looked perfect in a sweater, and the color red was made just for you, and you looked lovely while you were looking, and maybe you didn't win the world, but you did become mine. I know I created the glass case housing the hardships keeping you from me, but you kept your gentle eyes on my shattering soul. You watched me as my breath started to catch. And I need you to know that there is fear that my heart may stop in my sleep, and the bottle that my life pours from may cap. But until then and after, I will keep gentle eyes on your silver bathed soul. I will watch you as your breaths deepen each time. I will use my love to keep you here and alive. Even after all of the mess, you still looked beautiful. Always better than had been, never less. The moment before I woke you kissed me and it played over..
"She imagines him imagining her. This is her salvation."
-This is my salvation. -To wake to you and watch the sun burn the night alive.

My dreams this morning were... something. And I thought of this piece. Out of everything I've done, this portrays my soul most. -And at the end of everyday, I leave the world behind on my way home to you.

M Sep 2016

The Cafe

There were 100 people
Complete strangers
And they might as well have been shadows
The room might as well have been void of light
Because I close my eyes and there is only you
Burned to the back of my lids

         I tell this story about the way you never leave my mind
        And the way I couldn't hide it if I tried
        My fingers bleed
        My heart has found a new home in my stomach
        And you're still the only thought
        That my mind can find peace next to

                Here is where suffering smiles
                And the grass is green under all of our foot steps
                              And war doesn't stand a chance
                                                   Not even if it is all we have left

These Strings Are My Castle.

#love #poetry #happiness #poems #writing #daydream #forever #foryou #cafe #hardrock

M Sep 2016

Millvale, Take Me Home Again

These exits no longer lead to anywhere
7a is a foreign language.
Now, like the collection of ultra violet
That belonged to our masks every morning,
There is nothing more beautiful
Than the way the sun sets on your shoulder blades

I chase these seas while the universe chases you

To my inspiration
Whether that would be through my never ceasing heartache
Or the simple and inescapable love
The moment you fall for her soul, you are ******
You will be stuck in fifteen minute increments
Of convincing yourself that the world is a big place
With even bigger people
You'll take a left instead of a right
Get off the bus a stop too early
Do whatever the hell you please
Like I said, once you fall for her soul
You are ******* doomed
You will wake every day damning whatever gods you believe in
You will love her until the seas swallow the earth
And you will keep loving her into your own oblivion
At the end of days

Bottle up the entirety of whatever you are, and I will drown myself in you.

Take me back, or bring me forward. Where ever you are, I am in love with you.

#love #sad #drunk #writing #heartache #seas

M Sep 2016

Passage from a book that'll never be written.

Faucets for tear ducts. There is no hot and there is no cold. Just somewhere that all of the time away from you goes and eventually there's just too much and it spills over. Every window is fogged and it's only been raining inside for weeks. I ruined my own roses. That's all I've ever really known how to do. I swerved my car right through the yard and turned the garden to a grave. Something I am sure of is that we will always be the ones to spend most nights getting drunk with our bathroom floors. And that is why I sit hollow eyed and high every night. Waiting for a moment to transcend. Tiredness brought the beginning of understanding. Understanding brought the beginning of the end. I hope to find an answer. It's haunting never knowing why my heart wants something that doesn't make sense. I hope today is the last day I have to wake up loving someone who does not love me back. I held onto the static before the sounds of the line being severed. And then you were yesterday, like any piece of you that was ever me.

#love #sad #life #sleep #loss #dreaming #you #sweet #forever #missyou

M Aug 2016

Lighter notes on a Lighter Year.

My sleepy sweet; the way you would wake in the middle of the night
I loved you most then.
I wish I would've told you that it was only because you were stationary
and there with me..
and I think I have grown accustom to telling you that you're beautiful
in the times you'll least remember.
My Midnight snack; and without a break in pace
you'd fall back into the deepest sleep from the mountain
top to the fields below as if you were
simply stepping off the curbs back into your busy streets.
My passerby; I couldn't tell you
how long I have spent admiring you in the moments
right after you'd disappear into your fantasies.
I don't know whether time flew by, or slowed down,
or stopped all together.
Honestly, I didn't care.
It didn't matter if time was precious, or if time was money,
or if time was priceless. It was mine
and you were mine, and I will spend every single fraction
of every single dollar on every single second in between seconds,
on you. All of the seconds that take too long
and those that leave too soon.

I am going to sit with the sun and we'll talk about
our moons until they break the horizon of the places the sun and I will never know.
Everyday and every night we will sit at the center of the universe and love our moons
with sound waves or in silence.
And in sound waves he will know how I'll love you into the end of days
and in my silence he will know where I am in my day dream states.
My Day Dreamer; waking up from your anytime slumbers,
unaware that the entire universe and I had been with you all along. My sleepy sweet in our sleepy sheets,
ever since you had first woken from your dreams beside
me, my dreams have been waking up to me.
Fill the places wearing thin inside of my shell.
All of my doors have lost their ways.
All of my windows are broken,
because I am broken, and they know my pains like
I know their panes.
I want to keep your heart safe behind my bones
right next to mine. I want to look at you
without knowing, completely
lost in all that is you,
and I want you to catch me in that place I go.
More than anywhere I have ever been, that place is my home.
It Always Will Be.

Where ever you are, I am in love with you. - Unorthodox writing, in unorthodox templates from my unorthodox mind.

#love #sad #life #sleep #loss #dreaming #you #sweet #forever #missyou

M Aug 2016

Paper place

The thing is the love
   of your life can make
mistakes and break your
      heart and you lose them
     because they lose you and
your heart breaks all over again
I am deep inside a collection of streets
                  and blank signs somewhere
I've never been before.
              In different times I just want to
     do different things
and right here
                                                holding hands with the clocks,

            I just want to find my way home.

Where ever you are, I am in love with you

#love #sad #life #sleep #loss #dreaming #you #sweet #forever #missyou

M Aug 2016

Void of Vacancy

Maybe I'll become a poet or a famous writer someday
And I'll travel the world and give people
my name in sloppy fonts
They'll tell me how they loved my book
or ask me questions of new work
but
the truth is
that there is only one book
There is only one giant hole
and even if I wanted another
for the sake of new work
there just is no room for that inside of me
Hope laced with the thought that
maybe someday you'll want to roll over to see the sun on my face again
Seeing your name among billions at a hundred miles an
hour
I sit here now and I know that while I am
away, my best work will always be my letters home to you

Where ever you are, I am in love with you.

#love #sad #life #sleep #loss #dreaming #you #sweet #forever #missyou