M - Hello Poetry

M Jun 2015

I guess it's safe for me to say that I'm just taking chances these days. Spending time chasing lines of lies across my floor because promises dont hold comfort like before. I'd probably walk the sky if I could because these sidewalks never lead anywhere good. I think when I said I'd take on the world, the world misunderstood. The ones left in the dark are the easiest to see. Everyone in lights just look the same to me. Let them gather like sheep in their big city suites. That leaves more space for us to be free. I'm wrapping words around the ears of the smaller people with bigger dreams, I just hope that you can hear me and you know how much it will always mean. I live in the shadows of paper shears cutting from my heart to my finger tips. We work for bills to pay our bills, we can't breathe because we can't afford it. I think I would fly if I could because walking never leads where it should. The crooked streets signs in my home town and the broken streets that brought me down. Today I take my time I waste and name it "here and now" my strength is in my soul and will last as long as time allows. I want you all to listen close so that you'll always know that we'll always have our flaws and they're always gonna show. I guess I'll never be perfect but I'll surely get close
and close is close enough. What good would a world of perfect people be anyway? There would be nothing and no one left to appreciate. And all of my life I've been making mistakes but I promise that I'll find myself and I'm sorry for the time it takes.

We're broken people. And I don't know where I'd go in front of you to hide my soul, because you're the only one that knows it.

M Apr 2015

Hours..

Of staring at a blank page that usually floods itself with ink without thought, and all I've got is "I just want to have a normal life again." For the first time in months I woke up only to go back to sleep. With you, reality will be fractions of the tiniest bit of time that you use me to make yourself feel a little less lonely while reassuring me that I'm something more to you, and the overwhelming amount of time that you leave me wondering why I didn't trust myself when I said I knew you better than that. I've never had a problem admitting that I am a ****** person. The only difference now is that I'm not. Now, I am a mixture of ****** up so bad that I'm good and a constant struggle to find humanity in the people I walk past each day. I am kind and soft. I have a hunger to heal suffering and I suffer in cases I fail to do so. Compassion driven in such a way that beautiful days are all it'll ever take to keep my heart beating. But not today. Today is a dark crater I'm naming after you. You're not exactly the root of all evil, but you're surely one of its branches. You'd have to be to dish out tickets to these doldrum's you never fail to put me in. This is where the dark person I was had manifested. This exact feeling. I have no blame to place on you. You either wouldn't care or would be hurt by the fact, and I am no longer the same person I was. I'll sooner hurt every day of my life before I'd assign pain to another ever again. The thing is that if I don't have to hurt then I would like not to. Do me a favor.. The next time you see me in your less important thoughts, as an irrelevant extra in your least exciting dreams, or walking down the street as a face you just so happened to see, just put your head down and keep walking by. I don't have the strength to keep digging my self from beneath your feet where you leave me.

...It has been a few hours now and I can finally finish this. I spent this time trying to find my way out of this maze that is made of yesterday and I've landed on her. A tiny body dressed in blonde hair and blue eyes. I could hear her voice echo throughout this trap I've been stuck inside of. Our conversations of favorite colors and people and places we want to go. The way our shades changed the way we saw the sun, how we love butterflies, and how we will fly just like them someday. How could I forget that you were my lantern. A piece of my true North I follow to find my way home. How could I forget, Brook, that you were the other half of my soul.
Its taken me almost thirty years to do for others what she's done for me in just four. She may be so much smaller than I, but her dreams and aspirations are so much bigger than mine will ever be. Today is beautiful and it's because of you that I can walk through this door and breathe with these things that keep me breathing.

I've witnessed miracles in my lifetime. It just so happens that I've held hands with a few of them. Just know that if you are ever hollow, then I will be right there hollow with you.

M May 2014

New.

Job. New apartment. An extra room for me to paint and write by my window with a view of the various flower budding trees. For now I'm going to use my light table for eating my home made Caesar salad instead of sketching, and I'm going to use my canvas stand for this bag of Swedish fish that I'm gonna eat after this salad is gone. This isn't beautiful to you, but if you understood my life for the past year, you'd understand why my own place, a job, and a room where I can paint is the most beautiful thing I've seen in a long while.

M Apr 2014

Wake me up when this is over

We take this skin that shines with all of its cells in their perfect place
Over the skin with flaws, smooth to touch, and unforgettable.
That girl would rather have a perfect image.
She'll settle for using her senses one by one
But I would rather see her scars and remember the way
They pushed my fingers from the hills of her imperfect bone structure
Majority rules in favor of the freshly paved roads
And we bat eyes at the dirt trails where they began
This girl has a car and it runs so smoothly over those black-topped streets
I can't pull my eyes away from the earth colored lines
Passing through the creases of these old, tattered maps
When did carving our loves into trees
And loose dirt become so irrelevant
Those who make mistakes and change
Are beneath those who never get caught in them
So they don't have to change
No one will see them any different
I don't have a fancy car. I want to live in a time
Where hopping trains was the only way to
Get from point a to b
I miss opening doors for a woman being a must
I want a love that sets an entire town in a rage
And mobs made of fire chase us to the edge
Of the woodland mountains and I want them to stare
Directly into these eyes of ours and hope they understand
If she jumps then I'll jump, and if she burns, I'll burn to ash with her
I don't know where we lost the fact that these physical
Pains are only temporary. I often wonder when we lost ourselves
The only thing I know is my soul is permanent
The only fire or fall that could break and burn me
Are those hidden inside of her
Lay the good in the shadows. Leave our favorite words unsaid
Sit the best books together on dusty shelves
We've forgotten..
Shed light on our dusty shells and leave
The most temporary beauty to the highest priorities
Even over the hands we hold that fuse our
Eternal pieces together for good
A few good days chosen over our favorite set of lips.
Please, just wake me up when this is over.

I heard a word today. Realizations. Is it normal for someone to think of a single person because of such an irrelevant word in the center of such an irrelevant sentence? A word rarely in use. The name of a poem with words that create cradles around my limbs. The sense of security I feel when my eyes trace the curves of these simple letters, unaccompanied by any but themselves as a whole, is invincible. As said within these words, they kiss my cheek so that I would feel safe. So that even while I sleep, I know that I am loved. All you know of me is the immense, immortally seeming, love that I've had for a single person that had stood out in a crowd billions. I had no intention to talk about this girl that I always mention. I guess it would be helpful to tell you that I also over think everything. I heard a song on my way to class today and naturally I thought of her. It reminded me that I'll always think of her. I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of not seeing it coming. I'm afraid to die loving her. I live for the pains that wake me from a dead sleep. I hope that someone sees the freckle on her lip. I hope they know that she's an amazing writer. I pray that they take the time to find which way her arms curl in theirs and I hope that it's uncomfortable because it will mean more. I hope that when she makes it home that there are surprises waiting for her and I hope they give her a family to create together and I hope some nights they stay awake just so that she can sleep. I want today to be the last day I wake up believing it's my last. I hope tomorrow is the last day I wake up loving someone who does not love me. She is not a bad person. She's wonderful and she's living. Where ever she stops spinning, I hope they make it worth her time. Now all I think is that I need to stop thinking, but I know now that there will always be those songs that remind me of her. Summer will always be the season I fell in love and long drives during warms nights or empty hours of the morning will always be spent staining the roadways with thoughts of her. This is my life and love is eternal.

M Apr 2014

I just want you to know.

I could sit here in the city with my guitar and sing mayday parade with strangers all diggity day long.

And I wrote something new I'll post soon. I hope you like it. I can finally freely write. It's the beautiful weather. That's enough love in itself, and at night the backyard and the breeze is so much more welcoming these days. Even when I'm alone.

I thought I could live in your arms, and spend every moment I have with you. Stay up all night with the Stars. Confess all the faith that I had in you.

M Apr 2014

Where ever you are, I am in love with you.

You gave me these words in a dream I had. My skin and bones met with lime and cement and it seems that I could only bleed inside the places that I used to feel were home. I'll miss the view from this park bench with you, I can feel it in my throat. Take on the breezes that you're carrying and capture all the time you've shared with me, like my photographs in silver baths I took of you climbing trees in the heart of your hometown. I'll be swimming in the sound remains parading through my brain, you're the heart inside my memories and you live within my veins. And search the stars on which I wish for a new set of lips that aren't embedded with the taste of you from times we would kiss. "Keep your chin up" they say. And so I do.. each day, while I long for looking down to see my hands around your waist again. The clouds just move to fast to make out their shapes anymore and my eyes are sore from looking through blank pages I could disappear into until I fall asleep. I'll keep up with my promises, I said you'd never be alone and if I'd die before I wake up, all of me is yours to make your home.
Just stay right here and I'll help you find your way.
It's been three years since our birth filled with laughter, smiles, pain, and hurt. I spent the past year with you falling for the birds, and if all of this ends with my broken heart, I'll know that it was worth it. It would take all I have within to never see your face again. The only way I'll see the world is looking in your eyes, and I'll only watch the crescent moons when thinking of your smile. I'll never sail the currents that don't take me off my feet, and I'll never be the mountain coast until you are the sea. If fate brings you back my way through wrong turns on sunny days, I hope you'll hear this song and play it on repeat. Know I'll always love the letters put together that you've sent me, and I'll only love this poetry whenever you are my pen ink. You gave me these words in a dream I once had, it seems my skin and bones have met with the place they are meant to be, with you.

Find what you love and let it **** you. Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it **** you and let it devour your remains. For all things will **** you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover.

M Mar 2014

This is the day..

I’m used to things falling on me. They fall, and every time, it hurts. That’s why this day is so special to me. This day is different. It’s kind of like those rare times when you hit your shin really ******* the coffee table or the corner of your bed frame, and you close your eyes and clench your teeth to get ready for the pain to come, but it never does because this time you hit it just right. This is the day I lived solely for her, as if I had no other purpose for breathing. As if the oxygen surrounding me, filling my lungs, was more mine right then, than it had ever been before. I was always afraid of moving too fast because I’d lose my footing and my hands, preventing me from catching myself at all, were filled with all I held on to. It was all I had. I do admit, despite my fears, I was enticed by the way the city looked during the night at hundreds of miles per hour. So, she took my hand and we made our way through the busy streets. All of the strangers and lights were nothing but blending colors and blurs with progressively fading edgework, and the way it all reflected from her eyes like film on a bulb-lit, glass-plated projector, was incomparably beautiful.
In these moments the silent parts of my being swallowed me whole, and from one second to another I knew I had found my home within you. This is the day I held your hand all night just so you’d know, then and there, you were safe with me. I pulled my heart from my chest and slid it into the back pocket of your cut-off blue jeans because I couldn’t find a better way to tell you I loved you. On this day, I carried you to that place made of steam clouds that can be anything you want and I wrapped you in my arms with hopes you knew I wouldn’t move an inch without you. I had whispered to you while you slept because I needed you to know that my entire soul had always belonged to you. This is the day that you saw me from the ground as I wandered through the stars, and as I fell, I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth, but there was no pain. I fell for you just right.

Lately I've realized how easy it's always been to love you. If i was meant to, then I want to. Even if I wasn't meant to, I want to. This day, I know I'll continue to want you to stay and I'm positive I'll ask you to be here with me, and I'm positive that you won't give up your exciting life for me. Nothing else has ever stopped me from wanting you, as it will be now also. The worst day of my life is the day you packed and moved away, and it hasn't even happened yet. I'll try again, like I always do. And I will fail, like I always have. I hope you always have a reason to smile, and I hope it helps you forget my name. I wouldnt want you to ever feel this way.