I am a ticking time bomb

They say that love can strengthen any broken heart,
But what I’d love is the reason for my broken heart.
What if my love was so deep that my heart drowned.
What if love was a hug that suffocated my soul.
What I know is that love has broken me down to nothing, yet it’s still all that I crave.

for as long as I could remember,
my name never felt important enough to
capitalize...

I'm crying but no one hears
I'm falling apart yet no one cares
I'm broken and no one can fix me
I am lost and can't be found
I am in a dark hole all by myself

today I wanted to die
yesterday I wanted to die
the day before that I wanted to die
for as long as I could remember death was always lurking
like that annoying friend that you still love
I took a handful of pills today
let's hope they work

I did not know if I should be
Happy
Or sad.
You were talking about an ultrasound, and that he told you to get an abortion.
You were 18 still in high school.
I have never seen you more broken,
Or distressed.
I wanted so bad to be there for you,
But
What do you say to someone when they had to give up their baby?
I didn’t know what you were feeling.
I don’t know what you were feeling.
All I know is that
The day you told me, I knew that I would fight for your happiness until forever ends.

I'm scared
so scared

what if i messup
what if i cant afford college
what if i never reach the level of success that i look forward to
what if i never make anyone proud
what if i raise my kids wrong
what if my family hates me
what if i keep living
what if i die
will anyone care