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Hydeer Aug 2019
It amazed me just how quick
And it hurt me how much it kicked
I held a strong and sound thread
To a numbness that plagues my head

Metaphore or idioms can not compare
To the lack of feelings, even of despair
Monotonous tone hinders my voice
I'll hug my knees "I have no choice"

A laugh became a gasp of air
A conversation became a simple stare
Accidents I've made have turned to mistakes
A great fear to whisper and a fear to ache

My eyes that once would glow bright
Have been disguised among the night
A great fear I expressed long ago
Now is the truth I'd never show
I tried. I really did try. And now it's all quiet and I don't know where to go. My habits haunt me more and more.
Hydeer May 2019
It was like I was dreaming
I only remember bits and parts of it really
The floor was cold, I don't remember it being as cold as it was before
It was calm too, I also don't remember it being so quiet before
I might as well have been the only person on Earth for that matter
I took a few minutes to look around first
Didn't see anything too special similar to what I would've read in the books
I checked my messages and there were none not like what I read in the books
I looked down into my hands and saw my brush
I had just got done cleaning it and admired the practically untouched condition of it
Was there really a point of cleaning it? As if I was going to use a different color.
Then-it began
Unfortunately-it began
Like a skill or practice-it began
I started making small delicate strokes in the color I loved and hated so much
The color that has shown me my reflection many times
The color that I keep taking out of the paint drawer
RED

I was patient
I was calm
I was in control
Something changed after a while though
The paint that I thought would be thick sticky acrylic turned into something else
All of a sudden it came to me-It was now watercolors
Disgusted by the light red and semi-transparent color it had become
I grabbed more paint and I grabbed more and more and more!
Then I felt like I woke up
My canvas filled with the color
No sound
No heat
No light
Was it a new color?
Had I found a new color for once?
I got ahead of myself and felt excited
But I looked at my canvas and all I could see was
RED
I wish someone could take my brush away, but I keep finding new ones.
Hydeer Feb 2019
Every morning I wake up and I see myself in the bathroom mirror
But recently I've noticed the person who stares back at me doesn't look like me anymore
Sure they will mimic my motions and comb their hair the same way
And sure they may sound like me with the same inflections in their voice
But somehow I can't seem to believe it is me anymore
They can show their crude and red drawings to me and I will not believe that I made them
They will show me their eye that has faded to black like the dreams we both wept to last night
They can show the tears on the napkins we both used the night before
At this point, I just refuse to look at it
But I will never believe those drawings on the torn pages they show me every day were ever made by me
I will never believe they could ever be me
They can't be...
Discuss disgust never mercy
Hydeer Feb 2019
I'm sorry to announce from myself onto others
Tonight my soul will weep once more
I'm sorry to the ones that tried to pull me out of the gutters
And to those who tried to show me through the different doors
But tonight my soul weeps once more
Fears that crush me like an ant underfoot
And a void that consumes me like no other
For these reasons my soul will keep once more
Offten at night I will find myself crying weather it's physical or mental. I cry.
Hydeer Feb 2019
Shadows from a dark room with no windows or light will whisper to me and call for me
I can't help but to be drawn into a state of numbness and weakness as they chant and almost screaming my name
I want to resist and pull away yet I'll still make my steps twords the room as I'm drawn by envy
I know when if I make a few more steps the people behind will say I've brought shame
But as the darkness consumes me and my voice gets quite the shadows will always chant my name.
Hydeer Jan 2019
If you go down to the store and buy a soda pop
You'll notice that bottle is nice shiny and filled to the top
You walk out of the store smiling with glee
Ready for the sweet taste of the pop yippee!
But when you crack open the cap the bottle sprays
you never could've seen it would act such a way
Now you're left with a sticky mess
On your shoes and sleaves all the rest
And you think to yourself "wow what a day"
Then you think "Who would behave such a way!"
I would rather have someone yell and scream at me than for them to lie to me about how they feel.
Hydeer Jan 2019
Give me a chance and I will morph like clay
Remember my past I'll be gone in a day
Point my imperfections and I will love you
Pretend to lift me up and I will see through
Speak to me in the dark I'll stay by your side
Wave to me in light and you will be denied
Sometimes people think they're so slik I find it comical.
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