shock
anger
regret
guilt
pain
sorrow
happiness
peace
dark

*good bye see you on the morrow

She stands in the circle of friends
Laughing
He walks down the hallways
Smiling

They go to lunch
And she pokes at the cardboard pizza
As she laughs at a joke made about her
And he pokes at his sandwich
As he smiles towards his friends teasing

They ride home on the bus
Keeping an eye on one another
While sharing goodbyes with friends

They exist the bus together
And excange the words
They had spoken only once before.
today?
today

Bro and sister walked towards their own personal hell
That no one knew of but them.

Later that night
Two souls made their way to freedom
Hand and hand
With the sound of gun shots.

Your better off without me
I'll just ruin you.
So I'm letting you go
It may hurt for awhile
But this good bye
Is for the best.
I hope you find happiness.

Its funny
how we make fun of everything.
the homeless guy down the street,
that odd kid in English class,
that random person that walks by,
clothing we see in the store window,
our friends,
our family,
ourselves.

Ain't it funny
how we poke fun at people
without truly understanding them.
never understanding how
even the dumbest joke
can hurt.

Ain't it funny?
yes
yes it is
until laughter
turns to tears

She sat alone
hair covered her blue, blue eyes
she stared out into the dark
like she could see something
that no one else could see.
with each step forward, another petal
fell
from her rose.

to donate
people need a reward
a shirt
a gift card
to give to someone

to do the right thing
it must benefit them
never mind the other people it'll help
only you matter

to give a cigarette
"give me 50 cents"
never mind this woman has 3 kids
and works all night
and just needs something to chill

people disgust me
they don't care
unless they get something

selfish creatures
deserve hell  
we all know that quite well

do you see me
or has my time in the underworld turned me invisible?
i am stuck with this man
you would think
taking me from my mother would be enough
But no, i had to marry this cold dark man

i guess its my fault though
i had to eat the seeds
but the fruit was so sweet looking
the seeds so inviting

why am i rambling
you humans don't really know me
only as "Hade's wife"  
i'm so minasual
that Zeus let me be kidnapped

mother was furious
everything grew cold
just like me

Persephone
remember it for me
in case i forget it

*Persephone

I never knew
how beautiful the moonlight was
till I saw it reflected through your marble eyes

I never knew
how brightly the stars shine
till I saw them in red

I never knew
how lovely the dark was
till your hand went cold

I never knew
how lonely a blue moon felt
till your lips turned gray

I never knew
how glorious an owls hoot was
till it came weak and feeble from your mouth

I never knew
how much I needed you
my protector
my friend
my bully
my voice
my strength
till your wings fell still in blood soaked palms

You are angry
and I understand why.
you lost your love
again.
plenty of other fishes
but their all so different from him
and while I lost my forth shot at a father
I can tell your pains worse
so I'll stay silent
and write alone.

your saddened
and I understand why
you lost your shot too
but you got along so great
and he always said how much you were like him
But your problems are bigger
so I'll stay within my mind
and write the pain away

you have your own problems
and I'll support you
deal with your outbursts of anger and regret
and take all of it
I'll let you yell
I hope you yell at me
don't keep it bottled within your soul
let it go
and I'll take it gladly
if it means you'll smile
a real smile again

I come to tell you
I've seen
a thousand morrows
a thousand humming bird dead
upon my front porch
a thousand numbers crying
divided
a thousand pieces of hair
cut away
a thousand lovers pulled away
never reunited
a thousand weddings bringing joy
as well as pain

I come to tell you
I've heard
a thousand heartbeats
a thousand sighs
quick intakes of breath
a thousand breaking plates
hit the floor
a thousand wolfs howling in pain
the alpha, I think, was shot
a thousand drops hitting the floor
tears of salt
a thousand footsteps creeping
across a thousand nails
a thousand screams
on ripping wind

I come to tell you
I've touched
a thousand faces
a thousand falls
painful as it was
a thousand blankets holding back
fears
a thousand sun rays
warming me
a thousand cold winds
never stopping
a thousand furs of animals
gone dead away
a thousand rushing gallons of water
colder than ice

I come to tell you
I've tasted
a thousand sweet strawberries
a thousand sweet kisses
sweeter than sugar
a thousand sour flavors
hit my taste buds
a thousand stakes of cows long past
I taste salt
a thousand tears
hidden
a thousand cheeses
cut into a thousand pieces
a thousand screams of animals eaten

I come to tell you
I've seen
I've heard
I've touched
I've tasted
therefore I am human

People take great risk
for understanding
but when asked
to understand
they refuse with haste
what a waste
for if we risk
to understand
we bring understanding in our wake

I know I've been looking the wrong way
I've been trying,
trying for all my days
for something i know
is never going happen
no matter what they say.
that one day I'm gonna be perfect
that one day practice will make me:
perfect,
perfect in every way
but i know the truth now;
see I've been practicing and practicing every day
yet it always ends
the exact same way.
you didn't try
try hard enough
well how much is enough?

so maybe I'm not perfect
but you know what they say:
perfect is just too boring
to live with everyday.

I'm surprised











my eyes haven't ran dry.







I'm surprised




I still have tears to cry.

when I'm quiet
I need to speak my mind.
When I speak my mind
I'm being a typical teen.

When I get emotional about anything,
I'm being a hormonal girl teen.
When I act like
I feel nothing
I need to open up.

When I open up
I'm lieing or
making something
outta nothing.

When I try to write,
they take it
and start thinking I mean
things I don't
and get mad I hid it.
When I show them
they never wanna look at it.
When they do look,
they don't approve

When they tell me to go out more, I'm not home enough.
When I stay home,
I'm lazy.

When I talk like an adult,
I'm just a teen
what do I know. When I talk like a kid,
act my age.

***.
There's no winning here no matter how I act
Yet I'm told to deal with it
That's life
And I'm told to change it.

We fall into your stereotype,
BECAUSE you believe everything
We do
Is a typical teen phase

But if you were treated as such,
Wouldn't you be just as confused?

I fought for you.
I've protected you.
I've encouraged you.
I've been there for you.
I've argued for you.
I've gotten hurt for you.
I've done things I'm not proud of

For you.

And I didn't want anything in return.
I didn’t want you to hurt for me.
To fight. To suffer.
I didn’t expect anything.
But I sure as hell didn’t think
You'd hurt me like this.

Poets write sad
poets write happy
but what do we do
when two points of view
come crashing to?
why we write and write some more
till we can write no more
for joy brings pain
and pain brings joy
the balance isn't there
so how can a poet help
but be gay?

I'm tired of being the
                               loudest
when I suffer in
                      silence.
I'm tired of being the
                             happiest
when I fail the
                                                 hardest
I'm tired of smiling the
                                   biggest
when I shed the
                       largest
tears

I'm tired of laughing the
                                        most
when I whimper
                                                       alone
I'm tired of being the
                                         loveable one
when I'm the one
                       casted aside

I'M TIRED
of being a doormat
of holding everything in
of Forgiving
of hurting
of APOLOGIZING
of hating  myself for caring

I'M TIRED
of acting like everything's okay
of not being able to trust  anyone

I'm so tired
but I know I'll never stop
being the doormat
for the world

My friend told me to believe
or i would witness the end
why would you want to miss the end of the world?
Imagine the beauty of the flames
raging in tremendous harmony.
The icy cold wind blowing down
demon after demon,
water rising, taking shape,
charging forth to meet the nightmare in front,
who's features are distorted by
the blazing inferno dancing crudely around the darkness in the center.
Why should I miss such glory?
A poet would cry tears of joy at the sight, soaking in the awesome spectacle.
even at the door of death

I love you
And good bye hurts
But I'm just hurting you
I'm dragging you down.
You say you'll die
Without me.
But I know that's a lie
I'm not that important
You'll forget me soon
And move on with your own life
Your better off
Believe it or not

the flowing tears of a screaming-
a screaming that binds your soul
unable to move
pinned to the spot
with heart tearing horror
the drops fall from opened wounds
eyes turned glassy
as if turned to mirrors-
mirrors that reflect back:
nothing

My friends don't like me.
I know
I heard.
Guess they ain't my friends
After all

But that's okay
No matter how it hurts
I understand.

Maybe it's cuz I ***
Cigarettes too much
Maybe cuz I have too much
Ache on my face.
Like a never ending game
Of connect the dots.

Maybe it's cuz I try to be happy
And uplifting
Because I don't want others
Feeling as low as I do.

I'm not too surprised
It's been this way my whole life

I've been the scrape goat
For even my own family

I have issues may of them
Will never know
Because I would never
Burden anyone
With the knowledge
That I hold inside

Still it hurts.

And still
If they ask it of me
I will listen to their trival problems
Even though if they knew
They'd say I had it worse.

They complain about their parents
While I knew what my father's **** looked like
By four.
While I knew what it looked like
To see your mother get thrown at the wall.
While I know my mom blames me
For everything.
I still listen.
For why should my problems be of anymore value then theirs?

They complain about their siblings
When I'm sure mine
Inherited our fathers sick mind?
But just can't prove it yet
Or maybe I can
But am to afraid to put the math
Together in fear
Of what the truth is.

I say I don't care and ignore
The brokenness that is inside
My mind.

Because I believe I am strong
When in fact I am weak.

Yet I heard them say
They don't like me.
Complaining about me

Why is my instinct telling me
To listen and to agree?
To these foul words they say bout me?

They are mearly children
Talking gossip
Yet my 8 year old sis
Seems to agree...

There will be no uprising
In this story.
No lesson learned
Only me
Still realizing
How much people don't care.

Only the same pattern
Of disappointment.
And failure to connect to someone.

They don't like me
And who can blame them?
No one ever has

I'm so tired of the insults
the hints too...
coming from the ones,
I want to believe in me
I wanna make proud

I'm so tired of being called stupid
called an idoit
told I'm a b**
ugly...

I'm tired of loving
people who insult my pride
but can't stop caring
can't stop thinking
my problems are small
theirs are bigger
I can hold this in
its my job.
no crying allowed ever
not even alone
but...

every word sets a scar a new
upon a broken heart
every teardrop from their eyes
kills me softly
every drop of blood from the smallest of wounds
destroys me

I keep trying to take everything
the pain
the sorrow
and leave only happiness
it burdens me so...
but for some reason
I love it
maybe because its grown on me.
and its fond of me now...
it does the one thing I've always wanted
it doesn't let me go without throwing a
prideful glance
my way.

Look in my eyes
and you will see the pain love hides

look into my heart
and you will see- there is no art

look at my soul
and you will see a lost duel

look at all three...
and find a burning ache for thee

Don't tell me you know what happened.
Don't tell me you believe her lies.
Her *******.
You tell me I'm wrong to hate her
But your wrong
You don't know what she did to us
You don't understand
And I'll keep warning you
Because once I was like you
I believed her lies
I hope to God
You never find out the truth
The way I did
But maybe if you did
You'd finally see
What I've seen,
What I see

I sat in my bed to hear.
we wrote a letter in the sand.
Someone was quoted,
I was told he calculated life.
small girl
large spider
a house traveled.
Argument unraveled,
at dawn
at the red light
equals
hair on our heads

Dear mother,
did you know?
do not sit on the edge of the open moon roof
don't ever say
"not by the quiet running river"

Forty years ago i examined
the old wooded basin

a life gone away

in love with this bus

keep an eye on that boy
I can't wait to be free
I don't really mind

i hope Friday dances
I played ninja with the boys til i fell
i used to fake what a crow crowed
"if your mind had been larger"
I'm not me
in some places
in the diner
it wasn't so

at sunset
leave the car
light up the yard

may i explain the context
people are a mystery
my sister
my friend
my hundred-year-old neighbor told me:
my older days will be like no other
and i speak a language so foreign
that my uncle must come from India
    
no cats
run to me
even when i plead

always walking
in a land of wind

say "thanks"
poke shovels in our grave

she sits in the living room
trying to show

pack the puppet
sitting, chasing
begin at the center
won't help

land waits for rain
little girl
the bakery
they said
a truck heaped with newspaper
was born wrong.

Love, I believe
is not what you say
but how you say it

Love, I believe
is when the other says something
they mean something beautiful

Love, I believe
is not just a fairy tale
but it is indeed very rare

Love, I believe
can be a hell of everlasting torture
or a heaven of undying adoration

Love, I believe
is a mysterious force
unexplainable.

Love, I believe
is power
and weakness

Love, I believe
is the best medicine
along with laughter

Love, I believe
can move a mountain
can withstand all of hell without running short of breath

Love, I believe
is the feeling you get
when you look or think about that special someone in your life

Have you ever hit that point
where you want to cry
every time you think,
when you see something familiar,
when you see a picture.
When little things get to you.
When you can't hear certain phrases
without remembering everything
your trying to forget.
you have to breath
before your okay again,
but your not okay.

Your breaking inside
you can feel your heart shatter
in your chest everytime.
You remember them.
All the people you miss.
All your mistakes.
All the times you should have said
I love you.
Maybe they would have stayed.
Maybe they would have lived.

All those times you should have
fought harder.
Maybe they wouldn't have hurt you. Maybe they would have
Left you alone

If not, then don't tell me to be happy.
You don't know.

If so, then don't tell me to be happy.
You know

I saw the train coming before everyone else.
Yet I ignored the rumble of the train tracks.
I said the whistle of the train
Was nothing but the wind.
I saw the train coming.
Yet said nothing.
Because no one would have heeded my warning.
No one wishes to believe that
the one who bares ill news
Is telling the truth.

My heartbeat is faint
I can't compete
all these voices make it so hard to forget about them
I'm choking on my own kindness

my fears
my tears
are always overpowered by yours

Oh god,
tell me,
if thou is truly real,
is love just another internal hell?

oh devil,
tell me,
if thou is also indeed real,
is love just another paradisiacal reel

Sometimes,
I lose track
and find myself wondering
and I find it hard
to convince myself to come back

I love the places off the path
care free days
no trying to swim
in a boiling bath

but, my mother groans
and my father laughs
they say stay on the road
and all my sorrows and woes
settle back, deep in my bones

there's a banging
a banging in my head!
it hurts so much
i can hardly breathe

there's a yelling
a yelling in my head
its screaming
screaming
at me
for you

all i hear is it yelling
banging
screaming
crying
as it runs around in my skull
like a mad man in a locked room

its head hits my eye
and it goes black
feels as if
my eye will certainly fall out of its socket!

it crawls down my throat
and tries to escape from my mouth
but i refuse to open my lips
so it crawls down to my chest
and cuts off my lung
forcing me to gasp and choke

out it escapes
into the open air
one long agonizing howl
so long
so loud
that even the dead can hear it
and it's echo
bounced off the lady moon
into your ear
and quite shortly after which
I heard my own name
echo back to my own ear
to began
that awful banging
once again

Singing birds
can't lift me higher than yours
their songs so simple
yet yours enters my temple
into my mind
your words sweep
I am yours and you are mine
I think I may lose my mind
gentle rumble of a voice
I think I have no choice
but to listen hard and close
listening to your rhythm
makes my heart stop its beat in time

Sing along
With the sirens song
Let it not take you
Don't let your will weaken so
Think of all the things
This song leaves unsaid
It tells of paradise
But you can't have adventure
And true understanding
In this world of perfection
The sirens' sweet song portrays

Now stop.
Stop singing along
Start your own tune
Your own beat
One of daring
And of bravery
Sing your song louder
And stronger
Sing a song
A song of things they not dare
A song of truth

Don't be fooled by their false tales
Of perfection
For perfection is what you make of it.

Don't listen to the young.
Listen to the old.
The ones who never exlored life
Listen to their regrets
Listen to the ones who took a chance
Hear their joy.

Forget the enchanting vision
Sung by sirens
Instead listen to drunken sailors
Singing of things past and real

Join reality
Not silly fanstiy

I feel so empty
So sad
Everyone has left
Promises have been broken
I failed her
I hurt him
I disappointed them
I wish I had a way
To feel better about this
A little green plant
To make me feel okay.
But I'm all out.
I wish I had a way to fix
Everything.
But I can't
And I cry and cry
But it just doesn't seem to leave
This feeling.

Men are monsters
Women are liars
boys are cheats
girls are pathetic
teens somewhere between
humans
There is no hope
we're all filled with evil and sin

Dear child
I'm sorry
Sorry for downing smokes
While you depended on me for life
Sorry for drinking the little I did
While you needed me
Sorry for anything I did to lose you
Before i knew you existed

I'm sorry for all the things I did wrong
That may have made me lose you

I don't know what you were going to be
Son
Daughter
But I knew
No
I know one thing
Even though your gone
Your still my baby

I'm sorry you never got a proper name
Only shartbait
But I love you just the same.

I remember when I first saw you
Unfortunately you never saw me
You looked off too me
But I still loved you the same

Im sorry you didn't get a proper send off.
I didn't know what to do with you
You didn't even have legs
I wish I'd done more then flush you.
I regret it everyday.
But just know I still love you
And I still cry some days for you.

I hope wherever you are
You can forgive me.
Cuz I'll always love you.

It was only 2 short months
But I'll always love you

Regretfully
Your mother

Boxed in
I stare around the cell that holds me
my beating heart quickens
every moment I spend here
locked inside my cell

Sunlight streams through the bared window
I remember how you looked through it
I rise to my feet sighing heavily
remembering how I came to my senses
wishing that I hadn't

I'm still rebuilding
from your invasion
I halfway wish
I'd let you break my heart
instead of me cutting ties
before I got hurt

I'm not lazy
when it comes to my cell
I cover every crack
and continue to search for another
yet I feel I'm still missing some

Every stone
Every brick
Every crack
has a past
a reason
some are so old
I have forgotten their meaning

I plaster the cracks and holes
still left from you
for some reason my walls are still tumbling
more so when I think of you

I haven't had anyone damage my wall
this much
ever
in all the time
it's stood strong
but its crumbling
at the slightest glance from you
and I fear
the end of my cell
might be near

feel it tug at the edges
a cold fist gripping at a heart
every pump of your heart
circling blood through your veins
that will all spill
feel the scribble of thought
running ruthlessly
around in a fury,
previously forgotten
always feared
the melting flesh in your skull
overthinking
overthinking
killing slowly
as if you've lived a thousand years
as if you've seen the circle round
forgetting
forgetting
remembering
remembering
regret hearing
regret ignoring
spin your web of lies
feel the power,
words
have over your emotions
smash them down
**** them slowly
torture those feelings
till they are no more
don't pick up the tool
refuse to write your tale
don't come back
once you leave
there is no more
overthinking
overthinking
remembering
remembering
FORGET IT
remembering

Watch the leafs blow across the ground
Around in circles they go
One falls out
And I feel bad for it
Then the wind pushes back
Lucky little thing
And then I see the one waiting
for a wind that'll never come
Poor litte thing
All alone
just like me

Say my name in the dark
I will hear you whisper in the dark
say my name to the air
and I will remember fair
say my name in your room
trust me when I say I'll hear your boom
say my name to the wall
I can hear you across the hall
say my name in your mind
I will hear you in mine
say my name when your falling down
I will hear you across the town
say my name in my ear
so I know you're near
say my name
and I'll say yours
say my name
it's not much of a chore
you don't have to adore
but I'll adore yours

Hush my little one
And sleep
I promise not to leave you
And to watch over your Sleeping form
In moonlight or day
Not a wink
I will sleep
While you still slumber
I blunder and cry
And apologize
My sweet little baby
I tried to leave again
But it was your smiling face
I remembered
In my dark hours
And I came back for you
I'll never leave you.
My shooting star

Why do i cry?
Is because i'm scared you'll leave?
Is it because I'm scared you'll take him?
Because i,
myself,
am imbalanced?
Imperfect?
Or am i just insane?
Anxious?
So many options.
Could all be the answer?
My fear of abandonment
My fear of loss
Of everything that can and could
Potentially
Go wrong?
Whatever the reason
Couldnt you respond with understanding
Instead of ridicule?
If not understanding
Maybe just reassurance
Thats all i need
I may need much
Of that one thing
But its only one
I do not wish to push all my doubts and issues upon you
I only wish for you to understand
Understand that i don't cry to anger you
I cry from frustration and fear
Fear you may leave
Frustrated that you don't get that
I'm not trying to blame you
Or inprison you
Or to manipulate you
I am just shedding tears for the unknown
If you cannot understand
At least let me be
Till my eyes are dry
And i can be me again
Let me hide in the restroom
With the fan on
So you don't hear my sobs
For as long as i live
The fear will
Most likely
Remain.

Hello Darkness,
I'm here again.
I left the light
For you.
For while the light is fleeting
You are forever lasting.
Always a reminder
that it is forbidden
To love
For who I love
I will hurt.
I've got nothing left to give.
Please fill my cracks and holes
With your loneliness
And bitterness
Speaker of my soul
And Whisperings of self hatred
Surround me with the voices
And remain with me
Like no one can.

To free you from all the pain
I would stand, all day,
In the freezing ice-cold rain.

Don't cut again
Just pick at your skin
Sit on an anthill
Rub you hand over badly cut wood
***** your finger while sewing
Scratch your arms and legs till they bleed
Lie and say
"It was an accident."

Don't cry again
BANG your head in to the wall
Smile when your dying
Dig your fingernails into your shoulders
Bit your lip
And when they ask
"Are you okay"
Lie and say
"I'm okay"

Don't get angry again
Just nod
Smile
Agree
Obey
Lie and say
"I'm not angry."

Don't expect an apology again
Just choke back the disappointment
And your tears
Whisper
Lie and say
"I'm sorry."

Don't expect a opinion
Stay quiet
Listen
Nod
Lie and say
"Your right"

Don't expect approval
Just sit
Stay quiet about what you do
When they ask
"What do you do."
Lie and say.
"Nothing"

Sooner or later
You won't have to lie and say
Anything to anyone
About anything you do
But for now
Lie and say
Everything
Life is easier and
You get better at lieing that way

I'm wasting away in my mind.
All I hear are the voices calling me
To the deeps of my lies,
To the ocean ties
Pulling me under
Drowning with screams consuming me
Whisperings in my ear
Their saying
Die you ******* Die
You ain't fit for this word.
And it's okay
Hells just a short distance from here.
I'll see you there.
I see the mirror and I see a mask
You see me and you see smiles.
But do you ever think that maybe
You don't really know
Who I am?

Yes, i suspected
no, I didn't know
yes, I feel bad
no, I have nothing to say
yes, I understand
no, I don't have time for sorrow
yes, I prayed
no, I never believed
yes, I feel
no, I won't express
yes, I will miss
no, I won't tell
yes, I love
no, I can't bring myself to hate
yes, I dream
no, I don't dream good
yes, I sleep
no, I don't sleep well
yes, I think
no, I will never speak.
yes and no, that is the truth.

I miss you
I need you
I'm dying without you
But I don't love you
I loathe you
I despise you
i want you gone
but I don't hate you
i think your wrong
i think your right
i think your really ******* bright
i think your the dumbest ******* I've ever met
i think you let people use you
and I think you use people too
I think your awesome
I think your horrible too
and most of all
I wish you'd stop talking to me

Ive never saw the world as more then black and grey Maybe I Never will
What's important is that
Im
still
Here
I'm still here
I don't know Why Nor how 
But I am and 
its for you that I will Fight 
Yes 
I will Fight to stay 
When I once fought to leave 
I would never force Upon you 
the dull view 
that shall always plage My eyes 
instead I hope to fill yours
with Color 
Love 
and Maybe most of all 
Understanding 
in a Universe of so Little 
I hope to help You find Grace even if I,
Myself,
shall never see her Shining face.
I'll lay you down at her ivory white Lace,
before the goddess
and
I will Plead 
and 
I will hope
she take pity
for even Grace,
herself,
is Blind.