have you ever had that person
who means more than the world to you
and couldn’t get any more spectacular,
yet somehow is greater and greater with each passing day?

have you ever had that person
who you loved with so much of your soul
that you couldn’t believe was your best friend
and you just had to cry out of pure adoration for them and their existence?

everyone should have that person because i have that person and i never want to lose that person-even if their love brings tears to my eyes.

she is my person

She did not look burly from across the vast room
A crowd of thousands, but her blood stained blazer shined against the fixtures
An easy catch for the looking eye,
But deeper than the red that rolled off her shoulders
That waterfall flooded her chest and biceps
Not a crease nor a dent, a flawless exterior for a woman
To hide a healing girl

Tens of golden bands hugged her skinny fingers
Though she kept her left finger a clean slate
An offering? An assertion? A statement.
Left for the interpretation of ones not looking hard enough

Golden links swung back and forth across her chest as she swayed to the music
Weighed boldly by the sign of a higher presence
A facade to be accepted, not a belief condemning her sins
She pushed forth her sins just below the surface of recognition

Her eyes mirrored the soil far beneath her feet
Deep, leading straight to Earth's core, her core
The sole insight to her cry to be loved and not someone's lust

She built a fortress with those crimson walls
So the softness within could take a breath
A break short lived as it was approached by a harsh wave of blush
When she longed for the hidden intensity across the vast room
A woman draped in a deeper blue than the oceans they were yet to sail
Whose water could wash away blood stains
And expose a red louder than mackintosh, sweeter than red delicious

Those crimson then walls began to fade
Into a woman worth knowing what's hidden behind her walls

I thought I was going to find love wrapped in a woman's arms
     holding hands down every street
     falling asleep with her head between my shoulder blades and
     her arm across my stomach
     pecking kisses every single chance we got
     watching my every move with a stupid grin,
     but for me that wasn't enough

I thought I was going to find love keeping a woman above water
     serving the purpose of serving her
     receiving kisses only when she is in the mood
     holding hands down every hall
     faking a smile when she won't even try,
     but love has two sides and I matter too

I thought I wasn't going to find love
     nobody could fill my expectations of love
     so many contradictions that a solution wasn't clear
     there were things from both I still wanted,
     but I didn't know what to expect when I stopped expecting
     anything

I thought love was just one thing for everyone
     that how I felt was the same way everyone in love felt
     that love was more about physical contact than emotional
     connection
     that every love I would ever have would look the same,
     but it wasn't true

Because I found that love is so much more than that
     it is different for everyone and varies between partners
     it is complicated and intoxicating in ways I never could've
     imagined
     it is important to be able to talk with who you love and touch
     them often enough to never forget
     it is the most unnaturally natural thing about being human
And I found it in you.

She is going to hold me

          She is going to touch me

                    She is going to hold my hand

                              She is going to wrap her arms around me

                                        She is going to kiss me

                                                  She is going to sleep next to me

                                        She is going to show me physical love

                              She is going to give me what you never did

                     She is going to be everything I've always wanted

          She is going to do it better than you

She is going to be what you weren't,


                              BUT SHE WILL NEVER BE YOU

My mouth still goes dry when I see you
My breath still leaves my body when you pass me
My heart still skips when I see your face

Even though I can't be with you,I know I still need you near me,
But it's still so hard to see you knowing I can't have you.

My head still reminds me that I love you
My hands still shake when I think about you
My knees still give out when I hear your name

It's still so hard to see you after all we've been through,
But it's till hard to function knowing that I can't talk to you.

You still have my heart in your hands though I don't have your's
You can still control my every move and thought
You still have me wrapped around your finger at every word

I know that I can't have you, but I still want you. I know that you're no longer mine, but I am still your's. I know this hurts us both, but I still need to move on.

They always say that when you lose that person who gave your life color, everything just goes grey.
          There are distractions to give you a break from crying, but there
          are always dried tears sitting on your cheeks.
Those months spent opening up to the one person who knew you best, or, at least, you thought they knew you.
          It starts with shock, then shakes, then an overwhelming sadness
          to relief, but nobody ever says that relief quickly fades.
It's true when they say that sadness will fill every waking moment, but not that all you'll want to do is sleep that sadness away.
          It sounds stupid that food will lose its taste; it is, but nothing
          tastes the same anymore.
Now when anybody asks how you are, you say you're fine and getting better, but somehow saying that makes it hurt so much more.

Once upon an ignorant girl
She believed her life had hit its highest peak,
But she knew little, this ignorant girl
That this peak was the highest of the smallest summits
And she had already climbed mountains for the happiness she got
And it wasn't much.

Once upon a tired girl
Attempting to further her climb, but with no prevail
The higher she climbed, the further away the summit became
Though still she continued her stride up a never-ending mountain
Now with no reward except the heaviness and emptiness
That filled her life.

Once upon a hurting girl
Whose blindness was catching up to her reality,
But even still love did not let her in to see the truth behind the mask
When the blindness began to weigh like endless bricks
Bricks that coursed though her blood
Setting root deep in her veins.

Once upon a hopeful girl
That began to learn the truth behind her following
The following that left nothing pure in her life
It took her life away from others who needed it more
She was learning to learn for herself again
And think for herself again.

Once upon a bettered girl
One who has seen much more than her looks can describe
That knows all the wrongs that love had made
And can learn to love herself again.