it kills me to say this
but i've forgotten what your voice sounds like
it's been twenty-one days
and i am alive
(sometimes)
i want to drown myself in drugs
i want to drown myself in Jesus
i want to drown myself in self-loathing
i want to drown myself in you
the thought of kissing you
brought me solace on
sleepless nights
now it's the source of
my worst nightmares
i tried making dreams my reality
and reality my dreams
but you haunt every crack and crevice
of my being
i can't dust the places i can't reach
i am not well.