I need to backpack again
not to get away
but to go in – deeply
to sightline’s ample expanse
that builds with one’s willingness to look
in light that blankets itself across the breathing canvas
that differs in concept and perception
more than in different months and minds
but as an elevated mirage
these inaccessible peaks and valleys of the rockies
have trails few travel this time of year
at altitudes that invite only a few birds and critters
and serious mountaineers making their preparations for their
“conquering of the seven summits”
I would gladly join either group, if there are openings
but would also be quite content with
my earbuds in my pocket
the chilled alpine winds through my wool beanie
trekking slowly over rock, ice and snow

I need to backpack again
to see the shades that would present themselves
to reflect in all reflection
to breathe slower
breathing out toxins and anxieties
that have been allowed to enter my humdrum, my rhythm
effecting and infecting my organs
to allow my lungs unfettered access
to all the fresh altitude it would like
to blind my eyes on the snow-capped cloudless afternoons
where tea and coffee are most pleasant
where a sand county almanac can be read
where my muscles gain power, endurance, fortitude
where thoughts of loved ones fondly skew themselves
where I am neither king nor extra
but a small dragon – limitations and capacities equally known
where emotion and temperament need not invent themselves
in the electron exchange within, but arriving from the west
I can see it all, I start to desire it all
from the front door of my office
it’s calling now, I need to go

You're late for the party
Late for the ball
Late in your red dress
Late for it all
Late for summer
latest update is your late
but we are still waiting
For you to blow us away
Your high fashion sense
Has left us in suspense
and your beauty is so immense
That I want you as my present in present tense
But you drive us mad
round the bend but the thought of you makes us pretend
that it would be great
but you are always
So...
So...
Late...

I’m impressed you made it this far
See, most people don’t ever leave the beach
Staying where the sun is hot
The water is warm
The breeze is cool
Thinking that’s the main attraction on this island
But you
You
Saw the mountain
Left the shore behind
And started climbing
You found the cave
At the end of a tiny, winding track
Nestled high in the cliff’s face
And headed straight for the heart of the mountain
The tunnel collapse didn’t stop you
But on
On
You came
Until the wall blocked your path
The wall
Meant to protect the island’s heart
A formidable barrier of solid ice
Thick enough to turn the mightiest of weapons
And here you are
Before the wall
Unfazed
You lay your bare hands
(Still scratched and raw from the cave-in)
Against its surface
And under their gentle warmth
It begins
To melt

Oh Reggae tree, oh Reggae tree
Your leaves so dank and sticky
Reggae tree, oh Reggae tree
Oh how we love to smoke thee

Sellassi I, his gift to me
Be this tree from Mary

Oh Reggae tree oh Reggae tree
Mary Jane is lovely

I'm always talking in circles,
I always think until I can't sleep,
I'm always breaking myself on other people just to feel something,
This hurts more than everything but I'm starting to like the pain

I love to hate love and I'm destroying myself in these pages now,
Maybe if I tear myself apart no one else will get the chance to,
I love to feel full,
I think I'm making myself empty just so I have the chance to feel full,
Maybe I'm sick and this is all just a sorry excuse

Either way I'm a ****** up head in a sea of debt swimming to a shore that will never exist and I'm slowly realizing this,
I understand that I someday will die by this and afterwards they will cry for me,
Show no pity, I never wanted it,
Just light a cigarette and lay it on my grave,
Even the dead need their vices

I make myself decide over a bullet and a jacket,
If I take the jacket I'll get shot but I'll die warm,
If I take the bullet I'll be safe but I'll die freezing,
I'd rather be the sun than the moon,
I'd rather be bright and loved than cold and alone,
I'm dependent on the thought of dependency,
My body aches because it will never be independent,
Really I smoke cigarettes because it's nice to feel wanted,
Smoke in my lungs feels better than smoke in my heart,
Tar in my chest feels better than tar in my head,
I'm sorry

Rigor mortis,
This is predestined combustion,
This is feeling lustful,
This is feeling reckless when the Devil's at your doorstep,
This is getting eight hours of sleep seven days a week and still feeling restless,
This is the train that's gonna lead you out of this but this is the train ticket you wish you had,
This is forever,
This is the dead dandelion in the summer,
This is the wisp you blow into the ears of gods to make a wish,
This is feeling hopeful among the hopeless and forgetting what hope is,
Rigor mortis

This is forever, whether or not the sun shines

This is forever, whether or not the bandages are ripped off

This is forever, regardless

You are as dull as you are mean
Rehearsed every word you said to me
I need to be clean
of the belief that what you took
was not stealing
If it wasn't, why am I still empty handed,
why are you still standing?
You mistake admiration for love
and left me in the dust,
worn out, unreeling years of cabinet feelings
I'm sorry I never brought them up,
you always put them on the back burner,
I got sick of being the chip on your shoulder
that night in October when you said
I was the reason you hated who you'd become
It wasn't me who forced you to stay,
but your insecurities that drove me away
each and every time you said my name
like the letters burned your mouth
as they left it,
then I left you.
I felt the same,
we did it mututally
As you left me I felt unxtinguished, yet fizzled out.
No spark or trace you left.
A pile of ashes once laid on the ground where the strongest trees live today.

I'll be okay.