I get trapped
By ropes braided with scales
And hiss it whispers
"Love"

Like the venom it bites me with
Makes me hallucinate.

Now I'm with you in a room
I'm not sure if I'm the interrogator
When I ask these questions.
You say it depends on the confidence you carry
I say my confidence vanished with your "no".
You say fine then the interrogation is over.

Fleeting are feelings of euphoria
Come in a fleet of reality.
Fire the pessimism
Oh! We got a hit!
Now he feels uncertainty
Insecurity
Trapped

In a room with you and I enjoy it
Five minutes is all I need to feel euphoria
Come in with a fleet of reality
Fire the pessimism
Oh!  It hurts even more now,

I'm in a room with you and I enjoy it.

She drew mindlessly.

Her pen gliding across her page like a figure skating demonstration.

So smooth, and precise but most importantly, beautiful.

No one ever really understood what she drew, an erratic and wild display of imagination curvy, rigid and sharp.

Like her tongue.

She illustrated her mind for the world to see, she laid herself bare. I looked upon her wilderness and read it like poetry.

I wish I had the courage to open myself up the way she did. God, I fell in love with her poems.

Yet she hid her poetry among these pictures cryptic, where she turned her pages into metaphors.

She made mine look inferior.

So I fell in love with an artist.

But an artist who drew for another.

It’s been raining every single day for the past 21 years…

Every time I try and go outside, it’s always cold, grey and pouring with rain of the most substantial kind,

Everything looks just as sad and miserable as I do. I honestly can’t remember the last time it was ever sunny outside or even the last time I saw a colour other than grey.

I’ll be honest, there are some days where it’s just a light drizzle, and there are a few more colours than grey out, but everything is still wet and cold from the previous day that I just don’t want to bother.

Sometimes I’d begin to wonder how it’s even remotely possible for it to rain this much for so long. And even when it does stop raining for the night, everything sort of feels like there’s hope for tomorrow, but as soon as I wake in the morning,

more rain.  

I’ve come to explore my own house with the same curiosity of that which I wish to explore the world, but to me, the outside and the inside are one and the same because that’s all I’ve seen for the past 21 years.

I have tried to go outside while it’s raining, multiple times actually. At first, I think I can handle it, but then the water just starts to flood my shoes, my legs become heavy as does my clothes, and suddenly it feels like I’m walking around with twice as much weight as I should be.

I haven’t seen my friends in ages, they always tell me that I’m never around and I’ve been so distant. It’s like they can’t see the wet monsoon outside like I’m the only one experiencing it.

I’m truly beginning to think that all this rain is just a ‘me’ problem. I feel like I can go outside and just tell the rain to stop, it really feels like I could do that, and I’m pretty sure I remember one of my friends telling me the same thing.

But it’s not that simple.

It’s been like this for so long, everything around me has been destroyed by the water, the plants have all died, the wood in my house have begun to rot and there’s just too much damage that has been done. If the rain ever does stop, there’s so much to rebuild that it might as well rain forever and take the world with it.

"I can see my door, my bed, my window, my chair, and my table.

"I can feel my spine against the wall, my feet against the floor, my jaw tightly shut, and my fingernails buried in my arms.

"I can hear the wind coming in from the open window, my heartbeat rapidly thumping, and that familiar voice in my head, shouting once again.

"I can smell the dampness of the ground outside as the breeze carries it to my room, and the sickly sweet odor from the soap used on my hands.

"I can ******* blood spilling from the bite in my lip; my last harsh reminder that
        I
        am      
        still
        alive.