I feel like I've given up. Nobody cares, not even you so why am I drawn to you? I hate this emptiness , I want to rip it all out but there's nothing there , so it's pointless.
  
I am trapped in a cage of ribs , my heart and my decisions are too strongly connected, this way of living is not safe, so I'll leave you alone so you won't get infected.

I apologize again for diving too deep into your ocean blue eyes. I drowned in them a year ago. I'm sorry that we couldn't say our last goodbyes.

I scribbled your face into wasted trees, I gave them to you even if doing so made it hard to breath. I fell too hard , I wish I wasn't raised to believe that finding love will set me free.

Blended my brain and my eyes roll back and see red
Purple every night to escape my head
It's death.

Intoxicating these toxic thoughts escapes them
I'm trapped and hated
And I can't make it.

I close my eyes and I see her or a barrel
And it's terrible.

The solution to my life
Is to accept it as my vice
And accept that I'm not fine.

I am arms and I grasp
And they can't accept that
I'm crass
And my thoughts are black
I can't
Make up for the lack
Of passion
Society hasn't.

Six hundred feet away
The PA system of the nearby school comes on

Ding **** ding
"Good afternoon students! Let's have a wonderful afternoon here at __ Academy!"

I wake up and look around and realize I'm okay.
I have no overwhelming desire to die or eat or cry or complain or to really do anything.

I'm happy.

we don't exchange too many cute messages anymore
yet i open your contact and look at you often
watching as your profile picture provides a glimpse
into your life and state of mind
seeing when you are online and thinking if you are looking at mine
but the words "typing..." don't appear
neither on my end nor yours
effectively our two lives are behind two different closed doors

Cryptic dreams awaken the mind
Telling more than I want to know
Hinting at emotions undefined
The glint of rough gems to be mined

Possible rapture threatens contentment
Disturbing the balance and the flow
Turbulence enters the calm of the present
Subconscious susurrations could prove prescient

The painstakingly built façade stays intact
But the lingering dream won’t go
No use denying its deep impact
As it cajoles me to think and act

nobody ever filled my missing parts
nobody could get me so high
but you with your questions about
history and politics
while the burning passion within
(which
swept away cold walls of my mind)
grabbed me by the soul and gently kissed...
(slight enough to break wings of butterfly)

...but here and now those parts are missing
yet again
here in my violent stubborn heart
while outside haunting wind
provokes the outrage of the chimes
(never to touch the face so fair
never to hear another subtle breath)

I should go to sleep!
I should go to sleep…

…desolation comes upon the days
painting the time with little pieces
of suffering (how can I close my eyes
hearing it coming with malevolence
in its steps)

Good-bye
Good-bye
and always my love

yours nobody

***