I can’t tell if I’m waiting for you to reach out,
Or if I’m scaring you away.
Either way, I’ll be there.

I’m not me
Or maybe I just wish I wasn’t

I wake up in the morning
To thunderclouds forming
Afraid of future storming
I live my life forlornly

My life is like whiskey in the jar
It doesn’t have to go very far
To be turned into ****
After the mark I miss
It’s the dark I kiss

I’m Mister Useless
With a blistered bruised wrist
Getting slapped with a ruler by the ruler
Which is an anger fueler
So I don’t want another
Which is why I can’t find a lover

I’m trash
I’m garbage
I’m collapsed
And tarnished

Today was a day
But I threw it all away
Like a bullet in the fray
I feel the fullest when I stray
So I cram my gullet with dismay

It’s undeniable
That I’m unreliable
My company isn’t viable
So I lay in a silent hole
While I’m sleeping
The reaper is reaping
And the keeper is keeping
Happiness from those weeping

I didn’t learn anything new
After I learned to lose
And blame the Jews
As my bigotry grew
I accepted easy answers
About those I don’t like
I say they’re sinful cancer
And I’m always right

I become extremely hateful
Yet expect people to like me
When I’m constantly distasteful
They just want to fight me
Which I say is beneath me
Because victory is unlikely
I’d probably catch a beating
From God trying to smite me

All I want is sympathy
Not to see things differently
Because no one interests me
Because I’m never listening
I live my life in a crate
So they must carry my weight
So I can carry my hate
While I constantly deflate
And underrate
Anything great

I feel so lonely
Won’t someone hold me
While I treat them coldly?

I don't know.

Its not like I want to be.
When I sit in abandoned theaters full of friends it seems to come so easily.
These after school social sessions aren't helping. They are distressing.
And this group of memories is nothing more than a time bomb to me.
Two years from now i'll at least have a reason to feel lonely.