Y que el rocío de la lluvia en Seattle
te recuerde a mis mejillas mojadas

I want you to want me ugly,
And that your memory of me
had no imagine of Beauty

Quiero que me quieras fea,
Porque ya muchos años llevo—
en mis hombros y pestañas,
cargando el peso de querer ser bonita

I want you to love me ugly,
Because I’m tired of only being but one thing,
beautiful is too small of a word
for how much I am worth

(written on August 11, 2022)

A life without love
Is a life without ends
Not a road
Just a stationary point

Maybe a life with one single end—
the one without love
Only one cause to strive for
And truly just one without more

Maybe a life with not one end at all
A life as a permanent “x”
One point in history
And no true value at all

A life without love
Why life at all?
Still we breathly*strive
All without tone

How can life exist without tension?
How can harmony continue to be,
Or anything without boundaries?
No limits because the limit is itself

Not even French man, Lagrange  
Could solve this one life
The one without love
The one that sets itself as none

So I do my best impression of the sun
Extending its ten thousand rays through the whole
The many ends and ways I let Love create
All out me and the itch inside my soul

And I do my best impression to revolve
Become the revolution that I must long for

So I do my best impression of all that crosses my path
Wildly roaming as the wallowing water road
A river that can’t be just one permanent sea

And so I ask and plea
To excuse myself from my wish
“Dear Sky, today I want be me,
A river that obeys no one”

And I ask my spheric, life-long ceiling
“Do you have limits at all?
No corners or endings
You yourself have become one”

And today I ask for forgiveness
I do not want to mirror a limit
I want to run across the sphere
And become, until love extinguish

Imagine savoring time
without electricity
Nowhere to choose from
One of many distractions

Imagine going blind
Every single night
No reachable light
Other than the sky’s

Imagine letting the sun
become your beautiful dictator
Living under his rules
And telling you what time really is

Imagine a roof being just a roof
Not a ceiling to hold your bulb
Nor your chosen sky
With your chosen stars

Imagine missing all
The way your blender sounds
And the sound a switch makes up

I could live many more sunsets
Many more lunar arrivals
Without the presence of electrons running forceful laps around my house

I could miss so much in technology’s absence
And nothing would come close
To the way I fear to miss you here

If you or anyone else
Had been there
I doubt it would’ve happened at all

Solitude and boredom
Led me here

“Ask me a question”
Your eyes turn true
Fixed in the whole of me

You don’t ask for a phrase
Or a poem
You want a question out of me

Working towards the clearing
You want a poetic path
One that leads to Love

Should I put down the pavement
The one that leads to my home?
Will I chase once again its light
Even when it’s noon?

Where is Love?
In the heart
Or in the eyes

And you ask me to ask
The questions that trouble my mind

You don’t let me plan my escape
I can’t lie through a question
I can’t fake love within a question

Aren’t you scared?

I’ll caress my soul
Just the way we deal with pain
Rubbing on your love

I hope you understand
the impact of your life

Maybe Nietzsche* told you
the insignificant creature you are

But to me,
you better believe,
you are there
along the lines

Among the lines of
Love and Desperation

Right there
Circling the strings of frustration
To be better
To be impressive

You better believe
You are there
Along the lines of my thoughts,
songs and poems

I hope you understand the impression of you
Like an imprint on the skin of my soul

The tint you leave on me
It is no less meaningful
than the trail left as beautiful scars

Whether your tint turns
hurtful or pleasant
I find Beauty in it

Like the tattoos you got
Or the one you wish for
And the ones yet to occur

Whether your imprint turns
regretful or satisfying
It remains memorable

I hope you know
You represent a moment
in my Being**

So, take time to contemplate yours
And remember
You are impressive to me

I am looking at the absence of you
Unpronounced recollection of sounds

You appear to be gone
But I am looking right at you

I want to find you
Aristophanes told me about you
And the completion of my soul
Our soul

I want to find you
But Heidegger tells me to wait
Let the wind carry remembrance
Let love find me

I learnt it is possible
Your existence
Maybe you don’t know
But I am possible

I want to live in a van with you
Learn how to love technology
And appreciate what brings us

I want to live in a van with you
Learn to depend on my own
And paradoxically depend on our unison while self-relying

I am tired of planning my tomorrow
I do not wish to have you tomorrow
I wish to find you now

I want to live in a van with you
Travel the world apeiron* gave us
And be alone in the universe
Paradoxically enjoy my solitude with you

I wonder if you sing the same song
And if you are shaped to meet me
And the world I know of

I want to be your nobody
And live alone with you
In a moving home
In a moving truck

I want to hate me
And hate you too
Just to realize hate and love are the same coin just different sides

I want to depend on the harmony
And the tension of true songs
While we learn to fit in each other
And cry in unison

One song
Two souls
One friendship
Two forces

Living under time management ideas
As if the decision was ours
Night time seems never ideal
No time to question  schedules or hours

Insomnia has chosen me
Ignoring these standards
And if it was on me
To chose her or not

And if I had the power
To decide my living fate
I would still be married to her

Because insomnia keeps you awake
She loves your eyelashes
Moving up and down
What else could I choose
other than those who love me?

And insomnia will keep you awake
No intention to bother, maybe
No intention to creep down your tense shoulders

And still
I would choose her
Sans hesitation
No other temptation

Because Night time is for the hungry
Night time won’t tell you you are wasting time
Night time is the ring insomnia carried the day she proposed

And so I sometimes wear the ring
It’s cold and simple
Nothing interesting for those
who have decided to dream
with their eyes closed

But to me, night time has no boundaries
The ring fits us well
The poets and the thinkers

But beware because this ring is also carried by the harmful
They steal the ring off a thinker once in a while
They are silent and could be watching you
Not owning their personal marriage to Insomnia
Only thinking to commit selfish acts
Waiting for you to forget about the ring and the vowel
Waiting for you to manage the little time He’s told you own

Beware of being awake too
He could confuse you with the harmful man
Because you are awake and only those who chose to ignore the imaginative scarcity of time are made to start a revolution for life

So sleep tomorrow, or the next week
Because tonight is all you have guaranteed as your thinking time.

Dear book weight,
I dreamt of you
As my sweet fate

Dressed all on burgundy
Bragged of those elegant seams
Those that made you candy

And as foolish as it seems
A great desire awoke in me

I had no money to spare
Maybe,
Only if I miss my bread

So in a summer night
I swapped three meals
for your delight

"It is not even windy,"
My mother said,
"why would you want that instead?"

"I dream of windy nights,"
I replied
"one day my pages will try to fly"

What if my thoughts have no ground?
Who will plant True words in my mouth?

Only something heavy enough
Something that could make me tough

You!
My elegant book weight
The things I'd do for you
Throw my phone out the gate
'cause my purse can hold a few

Off it goes
On the rue

Now come on
Inside my purse

~          *           ~

Dear book weight,
It's January and its Winds
They've come to haunt me

But they don't know
I am ready

No longer a boat without anchor
You hold me down on earth
No longer in need of my rancor
to daunt me from my death