I will rebalance these chemicals in my brain that tell me I need you – I want you – I love you.
Pulling this knife from my back, I will rise from the grave you’ve thrown our love into.
Sweating out your favorite song that has been going off in my head every night for eight weeks straight.
You have said what you want now, I’ve already come and gone.
Done with wasting time – I’m only wasting time.

I decided to place my heart on my sleeve, bare and bursting, waiting for the day you would open your sun-soaked whiskey eyes to it.
As time passed, I watched as it shriveled into a husk of a memory, barren and broken.
I used pieces of my soul to mend the jagged cracks you so unknowingly wrought.
But I was not complete.
Every time your lips would caress my name, I could feel the cracks gape open into a chasm that leaked, my soul slowly slipping away.
Sanity was no longer reachable for me, my mind broken under the weight of tacit love, and so pain turned to pleasure.
I would smile as I died daily, your name a sweet taste on my lips.

It’s me again, do you remember?
I keep coming around, searching in vain for you.
No longer can I see, as you’re long gone.
Safe to say I’m in a darker place than you.
I’m losing sleep, chasing those sheep over the hills.
Distraught, lost, what’s in your mind?
Because you’re on mine, always.
I know I’m lost to you, please don’t remind me again.
Masochistic, sadistic, pathetic.
I’m losing my mind, don’t you know, I love you to death.  
But I'm here, my dear, always right here.

The words hang on in the still air, crooked and clumsy.
Face down I trace patterns into the mattress.
Focus, breathing in, breathing out.
If I tried to move, I would break apart.
Liquid in these lungs spilling out of this open mouth.
Weighed down, sinking deeper and deeper.
These swirls and lines lifting, floating, whirling.
I hear nothing past the pulse pounding behind my ears.
Stronger, faster, it hums beneath this ivory skin.
Only if I could escape the hysterics that hide in my throat.
Bubble underneath the surface, threatening to convulse.
Quicker my breath comes, fighting past this ocean of uncertainty.
It stretches before me, I consider breaking the surface.
A clean cut on the smooth gray, deeper and deeper.
I take the plunge, and into this darkness I relax.
Comfortable, I stretch my legs, I pull these veins out by the roots.
Beating within my hand, I squeeze.
Familiarity overwhelms me, isn’t this what forever feels like?

If I let you in on a secret, I would understand if you could not keep it.
Yet I feel the need to spill these words from my open heart.
Like a toybox overflowing with torn teddy bears, their stitches ripped apart.
Clowns with jagged smiles, worn down wooden fingers.
As our song continues, crackles quietly through the speakers, like a river flows.
I wore a crown high atop my head, your sun illuminating each jewel.
My wooden pony I would ride, with you by my side, smiles reflecting in the mirror.
Adventures we would find, like a ring within a little black box, a promise to me.
As fools, we rushed in, overtaking the lands, a king and queen in dreams.
We conquered the seasons, until that quiet Fall broke my throne.
A thief in a mask you stood, planning my downfall, as I danced along.
For I couldn’t help falling in love with you, each and every day.
But I fell hard from that tower of fantasies, as your words pushed me over the edge.
Faster and faster, I continue my descent, a bit of madness here, suicidal thoughts there.
A sip from that tonic would end it all, a bite of that whiskey soaked poisoned apple.
If only you would take my hand, instead, you might just take my whole life.
Stealing into other hearts, I’m quite sure you wouldn’t even know I’m gone.
Perhaps one day, my love, even this husk will go missing.

Do you think I could lie forever in your arms, watching the autumn leaves fall lazily out of the sky, like the millions of wishes sent around the world?
Your arms, strong and protective, could keep me warm against the chill that sends whispers down my body, seeking to break my vulnerable mind.
Isn’t it funny how you’re unable to see how you break down my barriers?
How you have placed yourself so deeply inside my soul that your roots have become a part of who I am, who I’ve become, who I ultimately seek to be.
Forever and a day, a second too short, I wish to be yours, my love.
To wake in the cloudy morning light and feel your hand resting against my heart, beating an uneven rhythm only for you.
Fighting over sausage or bacon, peas or snaps, your laughter the soundtrack to my life, to my memories, fitting around me like a warm blanket.
Creating a life that will hold traces of eternity, a happiness that could only seem otherworldly, as it brings me up so very high.
And on that day when forever takes a break, I will seek that hand against mine, and those greens I will carry into the next world.

I threw my hands out the window, reaching for the things that would never be mine.
The kiss that you placed upon her cheek with quivering lips,
a flower that has begun to grow in beauty through death.
Spider web dreams that ensnare your mind to a slow motion play that never ends.
Waking up to shades of buttery yellow and hazy blues, searching hands and restless eyes.
I tried to grasp the feeling of love, the wordless clench in your chest that couldn’t hope to be explained.
The taste of forever that was both sweet and bitter but always left an endless flavor.
In the search of all things real, I discovered that I had lost myself to a dream.
Of soft lips and delicate roses, silky hands and beautiful eyes.
The dream where I could reach forever.