You looked at me like love could grow,
But, I, am a garden choked in frost,
Our love could never blossom,
Never break the icy exterior,
You are the brightest sun and ,
And the winter grows stronger when I believe
that spring was possibly near,
I still doubt the light that reaches me,
I remember I learnt to freeze warmth too,
Now I spend my days surrounded by evergreen
Bound to wither forever,
And sadly my fate is sealed,
And you my love,
Have to bare witness,
Working over time to save me and yet still,
I frost every summer,
And still you warm,
And still we sleep,
And still when winter comes,
You, my love ,are gone.

i walked downstairs to my room
and cried the way i had taught myself.
curled up in a ball
tears dripping to the ground
gripping the floor
screaming
crying
yelling
but never heard.
silent.
i would never wake my family!
why, that would be mean.
so i cry.
silently.
and rip my hair out
and try not to cut
and punch the floor
and hug myself
and punch myself
and hate myself and feel so, so sorry for the little boy who had to deal with this.
for myself.
i hate this

You say I'm childish
For freely professing
All the words that are
Etched on my heart

As if I had any
Other choice but to
Be buried by them

I have within me
a thousand year's worth of want —
and an empty bed

To be bare.

To be vulnerable.

To be ripped down
To your support
Structure.

And,
Naked.

In front of everyone.

Full of judgement.

And,
If I cared enough
For what people
Would think.

I wouldn't have given
You these
Notes.

From the
Underground.

If you break my heart.
Will you mend it.
Will you wipe away the many tears.
That I shed for only you.
Will you replace the light that shone forth.
As my eyes lingered only on you.
Will you fix this broken vessel.
That was perfect when you met it.
Or will you walk away.
And say, let's just call it a day