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  Jul 2018 Dev
Born
If
If only I could write you  a poem
From a music perspective
I'd scream all day that
I hate that I love you.
I'd smoke ****
get really  high
Numb my days with morphine
and totally blackout

If only I could write you a poem
From a death perspective
I'd remind you of dreams
Strive for what you believe in
give a ****
and for as long as you are alive
never say I wish i knew

If I write you a poem
From a poet perspective
I won't tell you that my heart is broken
I'd say Its been wrenched
Castrated,
It's an empty weight
It has been ruthlessly devoured


If only I could write you a poem
From a love perspective
I'd argue that it's only a feeling
that needs more analysis
It's the only acceptable
form of insanity globally
What perspective would you write
Dev Jul 2018
My darling you are everything to me
You fill me with love and light
   During my darkest hours, no one to  
     save me,
       You are my shining light
         Some complain that we’re filled with      
            toxins,
              Others, that we manipulate.
                But we’re bound to each other  
                   through invisible bonds
                     That no one ever could  
                         speculate
                            You’re my truest friend, to    
                               the very ends
                                  Of the earth, I shall      
                                      follow you
                                         Because you’re my    
                                             person, and I am    
                                                 yours
                                                    And that’s  
                                                        ­something
                                                           you can’t
                                                              di­spute
Dev Jul 2018
The words will come to me eventually.
I’ll hear them, see them, taste them,
As for now this pit in my stomach has rendered me completely and utterly senseless, devoid of feeling, emotion.
Devoid of words.
I grasp at straws and empty threats
Desperate to find something within myself.
Someone within myself.
I dream the most vivid dreams but
As soon as daylight crosses my face
And pries  my eyes open
It becomes void of colour
Of clarity.
Devoid of hope.
And I sit here in wait of something
Someone within myself
For as I am
I am a shell of a human being
Waiting for something to fill me with life
To give me purpose.
And I know the words will come eventually.
They always do.
I’ll be able to see them, hear them, touch them.
But they’ll be different.
It’s  been hard to write for the past couple months
  Jul 2018 Dev
Nyx

Piercing blue eyes
As though you can see the truth
A wide boyish smile
Barely at the prime of youth

Brown freckles that cover your face
I could trace the constellation
A void of stars coating the night sky
Creating whats deemed a wonderful sensation

On your 18th birthday
A year away from now
We shall cook ravioli together
You said you would teach me how

You wear fingerless gloves
Each and everyday
They double up as mittens
"I love them"
I would always say

Warm and cozy
Far to large for my hands
But they fit yours perfectly
Then again they are made for a man's

I'll still call you Smol boy
Even though you tower over me
I'm sure your use to it by now
After all I'm pretty crazy

Pure black coffee
With no sugar at all
A little bit of milk though
8-10 teaspoons if I recall

Too bitter for my liking
I'll have enough sugar for the both of us


You're an insomniac
Barely 2-3 hours a night
Its quite concerning
But you say your alright

I know your a lil over the edge
you're a fair bit mental
But your a dear friend of mine now
I'm sure you're actually quite gentle

I'll support you still
Even though I've barely skimmed the surface
There is still much more to uncover
And sure I'm a little nervous

Even maybe a little scared
But you're my Lil ravioli boy
So there is no reason to fear
Try not to be coy

I'll be there for all your sketchy antics
And all the mental breakdowns
And I hope you will be there for me
When my heart occasionally hits the ground

Though whatever happened through this
All the highs and the lows
I'll stand by you through it
No matter how steep the road

Lil Ravioli Boy
  Jul 2018 Dev
Nyx
I'll pay you a visit
Once a week
Don't worry about it
I'll be your relief

We can watch movies
Dance, sing without a care
We can act like the queens
Sassy and full of flare

We can bake cookies
Eat ice cream, Play a game or two
We can pig out on junk food
There is no need to feel so blue

This is your life
The pathway you have chosen
This is your future
Don't allow yourself to feel broken

You never liked them much anyway
The drama and those people
So dont allow your dreams to sway
When you feel isolated and alone

Stand up straight, Meditate
I know you can pull through
You are my best friend after all
There isn't anything you can't do.

So raise your head to the sky
Feel the nice cool breeze
This is the first step, its one of many
Its okay though just be at ease

Its a new world for both of us
One not many may choose
We may rarely see each other now
But you will still forever be my muse

Don't let loneliness swallow you whole
Don't fall down that rabbit hole
Because I will forever be around
Just do your best and reach your goal

Good luck my love
I wish you the best

- Your best Friend.
It will all work out eventually
I'm sure of it
Just do your best
Dev Jul 2018
I am lonely,
for the first time in my life
I am well and truly
lonely.

I long for human connection
to inspire me
feed my creativity
make me whole

It is barely past
the beginning of my
new beginning
and I'm lonely.

I already miss my companions
even though
nothing has changed for them
everythings changed for me

I'm so lonely
but I have to deal
because I made this choice
and I'll be ****** if I prove them right,
  Jul 2018 Dev
Nyx
You're name still echoes within my mind
The possible meaningless things that makes me question my life
I swore to forget you
To remove you
Stop
Break
Release

Yet you so easily walk back in
Its as if you see through me
Every wall and facade
You have the key to each lock
That stands in your way
Though the others struggle
Attempting to fill your place
You simply won't let them
Stopping them from filling that empty space
My hearts opened to you
Again once more
But the question is
Do I still love you the same as before?
Am I missing you
Or do I just miss the idea of you
The sweet gentleman touch
Is causing quite a fuss
I care for you though
I can say that with pure honestly
Though my love for you has changed
Faded into void of endless possibility
Somewhere within I still long for your touch
The Affection is intoxicating
Those sweet words are pure bliss
Though theses things leave me contemplating
Contemplating why you left me like this
Though my heart is still riddled
Screaming at me why
I know I shouldn't let you back in
I shouldn't let you waste anymore of my time
through the silence that speaks louder then any words could
I still care for you
But never again will I feel anything more
Because I refuse to be broken
Broken like I was once before
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