You're name still echoes within my mind
The possible meaningless things that makes me question my life
I swore to forget you
To remove you
Stop
Break
Release
Yet you so easily walk back in
Its as if you see through me
Every wall and facade
You have the key to each lock
That stands in your way
Though the others struggle
Attempting to fill your place
You simply won't let them
Stopping them from filling that empty space
My hearts opened to you
Again once more
But the question is
Do I still love you the same as before?
Am I missing you
Or do I just miss the idea of you
The sweet gentleman touch
Is causing quite a fuss
I care for you though
I can say that with pure honestly
Though my love for you has changed
Faded into void of endless possibility
Somewhere within I still long for your touch
The Affection is intoxicating
Those sweet words are pure bliss
Though theses things leave me contemplating
Contemplating why you left me like this
Though my heart is still riddled
Screaming at me why
I know I shouldn't let you back in
I shouldn't let you waste anymore of my time
through the silence that speaks louder then any words could
I still care for you
But never again will I feel anything more
Because I refuse to be broken
Broken like I was once before

My options are few
I honestly only have two
Wait for you......
Or don’t
The equality in pain strains my soul out of my body
Floating above myself saying “somebody help that guy”
My own soul doesn’t recognize me anymore
I’ve become a frail pale corpse of just existing
Negative purpose deeper then the surface of the hurt on my face
I positively have no place to race at the pace I use to run at.
My body is worn down to much
The chest I kept joy in before has been stolen
The X marked the spot, you hit the jackpot
Stealing away yourself, the only treasure I had
The hole that was dug created a cavity
Not one that a dentist could fill
But one that made me empty without you, my sweet Emily.
No pill or drug can take my pain away
As my soul still apart from me thinks maybe life is better this way?
A soulless existence with no feelings to have destroyed
Like a robot or just “some body” null and void

I am a failure.
A waste of sacred space.
Biological material that would've
been better spent on
something or
someone else.
A failure.
A dissapointment
and I'm used to being such because
the oxygen thats given to me
for free
is no longer wanted.
instead I breathe
anger
and sadness.
and frustration.
I rarely move from my bed.
As i write this all down,
there's an incessant pound
of the thoughts blocking up
my head.
I haven't seen daylight since Saturday.
My mother demands to know if I'm okay
and I'm not
I'm really ******* not.
but this voice in my head whispers
and whispers.
I'm a failure.
A waste of sacred space.
Biological material that would've
been better spent on
something or
someone else.
A failure.
A burden.
these thoughts swim round in my head
that I'm better off dead
or at least they could be happier
if I was.
Then i wouldn't have to make sure
i was smiling every single second
so my friends could spend less time
bothering about me
and more time
being drama queens.
Then I wouldn't be pushed to the point where i was honest
and annoyed them
because who the hell likes to hear about your mentality?
not me.
Id rather spend my days sleeping the sadness away.
because
I'm a failure.
A waste of sacred space.
Biological material that would've
been better spent on
something or
someone else.
A failure.

You told me that you’d wait forever
For me, for you, for us.
And when the time came, we’d be together.
You told I could trust.
You asked me to be quiet,
not to tell a soul.
You told me to be patient
Cos we would have it all.
You told me just to lie a little
To my family and my friends
But then I grew tired of being quiet.
I grew tired of the dead ends.
And so I confided in you,
The only way I knew.
And in reply we fought,
Anger and confusion consumed you.
and then we never really spoke,
It all just seemed to end.
The memories, 3 am calls,
Our whole relationship, not even friends.
I think you may have never known
How to let me down,
So instead you just played along
Until you weren’t around.
Never a good bye to me,
Not even in a call.
But looking at your Facebook now,
I’m wondering why I ever loved you at all.