Mycology the sole source of joy
Caps fill my head, wind up this toy
Pass out sheets a real paperboy
Hallucinate happiness so coy

Pull me in while the vapor dissipates
Can't see in the cloud only anticipate
Memory fragments, fragment the weight
Disperse the pressure allow a steady gait

The reality in my head made real
From my dreams, happiness I'll steal
As fog clears I see before me what's real
Existence so unpleasant that pessimist feel

But still, I persist unable to never exist
When I can I visit that place lost in the mist
I must find a way to live with life, coexist  
Or in misery, I must resign to subsist

Happiness a toxin to my sanity
Giddiness breaks down my reality
Joy consumes my heart I'm an amputee
Sadness flows into the hole an endless sea

Freezing, rights have me silent
Teasing sights have me pliant
Leasing rights for some guidance
Rolling dice to catch a balance

Cold seeps in, all accounts are frozen
Death creeps up nowhere to go snowed-in
I sleep dream of fire, heat, and passion
Upkeep steep a wire, a heart, and compassion

Rewire my brain a jumpstart
Replace my heart a new part
Revive my passion a fresh start
Reboot the system its time to restart

Go door to door sleeping on different floors
Friend to friend living on friendships till they end
I'm a chore waiting outside your door
I'll leave your heart bruised and sore
And then I'll wander once more

Doors open to me before I close them behind me
Live here till they don't see a friend when they look at me
Can't stand a driftless loser whose drowning in a sea of apathy
When you remember the past I hope that I'm an absentee
I was pushed away and you deserve better than me

We used to talk at the lunch table and laugh all day
I felt joy with you when all there was, was gray
At recess, we would sit and talk and laugh all day
I felt a connection with you and had so much to say
Now we sit on the couch and talk and cry all day

Life keeps getting colder and we keep getting older
You made something of yourself moved much bolder
Every weight and sad day you would shoulder
While I sat under a tree and laughed into october
Laughed away the day until my heart froze over

Mostly I smoke **** and don't do much of anything
Something I'm interested in? no there's not a thing
Maybe I could just die if a bee would choose to sting
Relax in flower fields, watching the bees in the spring
Death fluttering over buttercups while I eat a fairy ring

"Relax", "Slow down", "What's the big deal anyway"
You really just have so much you want to be and to say
But I don't have much I want to be and really whose to say
I'll get out of your way, your right I guess I just get in the way
And its okay if we never talk there's not much to say anyway

Goodbye.

Life is formed from the void of nothing
Life it ends when it becomes nothing

But its just another start
A neverending buffet cart

Empty of life picked clean
In a few blinks stocked again

Life is unending even when stars die
With a bang, teardrops will dot the sky

Cycles upon cycles life stretches onward inescapable
I won't hide from death but from life I would if i was able

Rolling dice in the garden of eden
Take chances so my heart will keep beatin
Got a bad hand but I'm still goin all in
Greed and avarice is my choice of sin

Gold chains are what I want  choking my throat
A sinking feeling on a sailing boat
Need gratification to stay afloat
Feelin sick I'm greener than my banknotes

Take risks play games with my life for a chance
My life interwoven with my finance
Paper and tokens have me entranced
Material things have me romanced

Things always there when I reach for em
Name your price and ill hit the atm
Ask for my soul and its no problem
Losin blood, sweat, and tears its no problem

Love can be bought
Friends can be bought
People can be bought
Rights can be bought

Money and chance is what I call god
I have lived life committing fraud
When life is so deeply flawed
You have to make your own god

Worship something in a sea of nothing
Statistic and chance the sweet nothing
Of something intangible feels so loving
Imaginary value and numbers my calling

Being alone leaves me lost in infinity
Ever chasing for my own ecstasy
Searching for something happily
Longing for another so sorrowfully

But together I just hate another
Disgust for life and the other
Hate myself and every other
Misanthropic, people lover

Lonely days fuel love and desire
But my days spent together
Leave me too tired to bother
God and the holy father

Have only ever abandoned me
Left me on a raft lost at sea
So I ice my pain with cold tea
And say "well, let's wait and see"

I live in the clouds in the city of fog
Secrets are said aloud as if in epilogue
No vision is allowed in the murk and smog
Can only hear the turnings of the cogs

Believe in the machinations never seen
On the radio stations is a static scene
Of a rigged lotto making everything serene
Everyone climbing blind to be a golden king

Cant see stepping stones in the haze
But continue walking for days
A straight path nothing but a maze
Lies hidden in mist missed by my gaze