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 Mar 2018 Danielle Callahan
alex
there is more than one type of cold.
there’s the cold from that winter wind
it blows through the window
with the hole in it and it sneaks around
the curtains and comes up
through the floor
there’s the cold during the summer
when it’s ninety degrees in the shade
and you turn on the a/c in the car
and it numbs your fingers
and the backs of your arms
there’s the cold when you’re sick
and ten blankets couldn’t reach the chill
that’s made its way inside
and your eyelids feel the fever drifting
there’s the cold that arrives when you’re scared
when you’re nervous
it nestles just under the skin
and you’re losing feeling in your fingers
there is more than one type of cold
but you’re the only one
that ever made me freeze.
and i continue the pattern of comparing depression to cold. i'm not sure what i think of this one.
I am tired.
Tired of the greed, the materialism,
the artificial realism.
Medicines to cope, false hope..opioids
the killer dope.

I am bored.
Bored with the faithless optimistics, party goers bathing in that sea of chaos...politics.

I am tired.
Tired of the hunger, and the homelessness that at times feeds glory seeking kindness.

I am bored.
Bored with the phones...the internet.
Allowing people to interact without having to connect.

I am tired.
Tired of the why and the what for,
lies of peace masking the truth of war.

I am so very tired and bored but
mostly with me.
More so with myself than with other people, politics and technology.
Sometimes I wish life would just set me free.
Thinking too much...
And for the first time in forever,

I danced alone in the kitchen at 1am

without the help of alcohol
You took over my mind like a wildfire.

A fire that is full of beauty and safety.

Yet it is full of danger and destruction.

You filled me with warmth and like a fire, on a frigid winter's night you heated me up inside.

On my worst days your arms wrapped around me like how a flame envelopes a tree.

You evaporated my tears and left only happiness.

And with each flicker of light, caused by your flaming presence, you made me feel safe from the darkness that was surrounding me.

The wildfire burning inside me was only fueled by these happy memories we kept sparking.

But like a wildfire, it got out of control.

It got too strong and you ran away terrified.

And that's what burned me to my roots and left nothing but the ashes of the person I once was.

Maybe that's what they meant, "Don't play with fire."
Why did you have to leave?
My addiction is starving
My demons are arguing
The classic threats
Their classic bets
On for wich one of them I will fall
 Mar 2018 Danielle Callahan
alex
it’s a good idea to take a moment each day
to remind yourself where you stand
and who you could have been
had you been standing
somewhere else.
jcl. i never think that i'm in love with you until it all comes crashing in. there are some things you can't avoid. i feel as if we're gravitating toward each other. i could be wrong, but i'd appreciate it if you didn't correct me just yet.
 Mar 2018 Danielle Callahan
b
tell your friends you love them today.
its love day
 Mar 2018 Danielle Callahan
alex
i don’t want you
the real you or who you are with me
not like that
not in the way that i’ve been thinking about recently
i think my brain is a little disconnected
from reality or from rational thought
because i’ve never wanted you like that
except for maybe that one time
that i thought i was in love with you
but that was a fluke
anyway the point still stands
i don’t want you
the real you or who you are with me
and i think maybe they’re the same
which is kind of what makes me think
maybe i do.
jcl. oh god i still get a little light-headed when i think about it.
 Jan 2018 Danielle Callahan
alex
i do this thing
where i build bridges just to
jump off them
but i never build them high enough
to do any damage
so i lay on the ground
wondering why everything hurts
just long enough to
build another bridge
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