I sit in the park where I dwell,
For this boy I love so well
He took my heart away from me
and now he wants to set me free.
                                                               *I see a ******* his lap
                                                                   He says things he never said                    
                                                                   to me.
                                                                   I ran home to cry on my bed.
                                                                   Not a word to mother was said
Father came home late that night
He looked at me from left to right
He saw me hanging from a rope
He took his knife to cut me down]
And on my dress a note was found.
                                                                  *Dig my grave, Dig it deep
                                                                       Dig my grave from head to feet
                                                                       And on the top place a dove
                                                                      And know ,I died for Love

In the illuminated Dark is the only time when my tears are noticed

She sat alone,
Alone and at home,
Where her screams were silent
But her mind was violent
Her insecurities hid deep inside
And they did indeed eat her alive.
A tear rolled down her face
As her heart began to race.
She took her blade and tore her skin
Where her depression lied deep within
This went on for days, months, years
Until she cried her very last tears
She decided she had enough
The world around her was much to tough
She took a gun to her head
Congratulations society,
She is dead.

Hushabye baby you're almost dead.
You have no pulse and your pillow is red.
You're family hates you & you're friends let you bleed.
Sleep tight with a knife because that's all you need.

Rockabye baby broken & scarred,
You didn't know life would be this hard.
Time to end the pain that you hid so well,
& Down will come baby,
Straight back to Hell

Death is only the beginning is all she could say....

As she cried sliding the blade

Tears rolling down her fragile face

She was beaten hard out of her grace

Heartbroken words written on her Good-bye

This is her suicide.....

Charmanders are Red, Squirtles are blue
If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you.
Your smile is stronger then a Hyper-beam.
Like Jessie and James  we'd make the perfect
Team.

I'll stay by your side like  Pikachu and Ash,
And I'll love you more then a level 80 Rapidash.
You're more legendary then a Zapados,
Entei, or Mew.

But out of all 450, I choose you.

Dear Crush,
Don't be scared if a fat guy in a red suit
Snatches you away on Christmas eve.
Sincerely, you were on my wish list!

Sooooo I have a crush on this one boy.....
                                                       But have no Courage to tell him
I have Fear instead.
    
                                    If only he knew why I'm always Looking at him
Why I'm always so Shy around him
                                                           But not around my Closer friends
I Like him a lot...
                                                              Since the First time I saw him...
I've Thought about him
                                                 I just wish he would pay attention
Pay attention to the Clues
                                                         That I don't mean to Give
But Still do.......

Since that very first day when I laid eyes on you
I knew that I wanted you to be mine
You noticed me at first, and talked to me a lot
Then for awhile it seemed like you wanted nothing to do with me
But then a good Day came again.

One day you touched my hand
And it felt like the whole world stood still
Your eyes met mine but we quickly looked away.
I haven't felt the same about you since then
My feelings for you have grown much stronger

Now more then ever you have been on my mind
I still hope for that one day
When you answer my prayers
And ask me what I always wanted you to
But for now all I can do is wait.....

A Mother's Love is Forever

I can't help how I am
I can't help how I talk
I can't help that that's me
I mean really,
I'm just a (abnormal) Girl
----------------------------------------
I like to have my Fantasies
I know you do too
So why  am I so different?
I'm just a (abnormal) Girl.
-----------------------------------------
I like to Dream of a world
A world where everything is great
A world where I can actually be Happy
A world with You
-----------------------------------------
I like to sit to myself and Wonder
Wonder what life would be like
If  I wasn't born....
Wonder what it would be like
To have a Demon for a companion
Or just someone who Understands
After all I am just a (abnormal) Girl
--------------------------------------------
I sometimes dream of things so...
So Obscured that others would run
I dream so Vividly I can smell
Every sent, Taste every sensual taste
Feel every wonderful texture So would you be afraid if I
Told you of my (abnormal) Dreams?
My dreams of me and you?
--------------------------------------------
I just want you to except me like
You do in my head, my dreams,
My fantasies but then again
I'm just a (abnormal) Girl.
---------------------------------------------
I want to be able to wrap my arms around
Your neck and inhale your wonderful
Manly scent while you Hold me close
I want to be able to kiss you and know you
Feel the same about me....But those are just
Dreams, Dreams from a (abnormal) Girl
Who only wants to be Accepted
-----------------------------------------------
Bu­t I guess they are  just dreams
Because after all I'm just a (abnormal) Girl.
-----------------------------------------------
And maybe one day will be
A Normal* girl,
But for now can't I just be accepted?

Everyone says it but do they really?
The only Dream I have is of you,
I only wish my dream would come true
And you will tell me you want my heart too.

I see how you are with me so I'm hoping
That maybe, just maybe Dreams do come true.

I'm jealous of the moon because
He knows all of your 5am secrets

And your sheets who get to touch
Every part of you as you fall asleep
While I keep a close eye on this empty pillow
Waiting for your weight to keep it warm

But the sun,
She is luckiest of all.
When your half asleep, groggy
And painfully unaware of how
Handsome you look
She kisses your lips with light.

1:00am     I'm still awake
1:01am     you're in my head.
1:02am     I think of your eyes
1:03am     I smile
1:04am     I try to sleep again
1:20am     you're still in my head
1:30am     Get out of my head
1:40am     I still can't sleep
2:00am     I think of your laugh
3:00am     I'm tired
4:00am     You.you. you
5:00am     you're still in my head
6:00am    You're in my heart
6:25am     I finally fall asleep
7:00am     I get ready for school

In a world like mine you have to understand my logic on:
Darkness and Demons
Hate and Love
Blood and Death
Being a ***** and just Protecting
Not giving a crap and Giving up

And most of all you have to understand ME so if you don't understand me and refuse to get to know me....Well you have no right to question my logic and you certainly have no right to question a world like mine.

Please don't worry I shall be fine
Please don't worry your far to kind

I shall be fine so don't worry about me, I'm just torn up and finding all the pieces again....

As long as I'm breathing please don't worry, For I am to much of a burden.

As long as I answer your text or message within 24 hours please don't worry, for I am becoming to much of a burden.

As long as you see me here, there, or around from there please don't worry, for I am tired of being the burden.

I care about everyone more then I probably should because people take it as an opening to walk on me like dirt.

Maybe it's the fact that I'm telling you Don't worry....That should make you worry....

Teacher: Alright Panda what are your Favorite colors?

Me: My favorite colors are Red and Black

Teacher: Interesting colors Panda, why are those your colors?

Me: I honestly doubt you want to hear the answer to that.

Teacher: Come on Panda, tell the class why those are your colors.
--------------------------------------------------------­---------------------------------------
In my head the decision warred to tell but then my life was already hard enough as it was......More and more my demons wanted release so finally I gave in prepared for the looks, name calling, and lonely life again.
----------------------------------------------------------­-------------------------------------Me: you really want to know  why?

Teacher: Very much yes, we would

Me: Ok then, Red and black are my favorite colors for their meanings.

Teacher: And what are their meanings?

Me: Red, stands for The blood that is shed during death, The blood that I shed when the knife glides over my skin, The blood that can be heard rushing through your veins when the fear becomes to great....The blood that your heart leaks from the poorly covered cracks from being shattered so many times....

Teacher: (Gulps) And what about black Panda?

Me: Black.....My true color.....Black, stands for the darkness and destruction warring in my mind, body, and soul, The darkness after death, The darkness in my heart from all the hatred thrown at me, The Darkness and destruction from my inner demons who keep warm and safe at night, The Darkness that one day we will all see, because nobody can escape death....Hes one bad-*** ******* who always gets his way....Those are my colors....The colors that make me and I stand for...

Teacher: Ummm....Very...Very Interesting Panda (Gulps and steps away) You know I think it's time for lunch why don't we all go to lunch yea? ( Scurries away)

Other students: I told you she was a freak......Crazy......Belongs with the dead if you ask me.....She talks about demons so much I would be surprised if she wasn't one.....

Me: Smirks You guys should learn to keep your opinions to your self, they might get you hurt one day.... (Get's up and walks out the door leaving a note for the others)

*Note- "Roses are Red, Violates are blue, Red like your blood, blue like the sea....Keep on talking soon you will all see who the true demon is and hey it just might be me." Yours truly Panda <3

When I hear a guy say "I love you" it's become a habit to yell at them and say "Don't you ever utter those words to me again!!" then get up and leave....

When a guy comes up to me and says "****, you look good today"
it's become a habit to look at them and say "Oh, so I look like **** every other day?" then get up and leave...

When a guy comes up to me and puts his arm around my waist it's become a habit to remove his arm and say "Don't touch me" then walk away....

When a guy tries to make the move and kiss me it's become a habit to put my hand in front of his lips and say "Don't even go there" then walk away....

Ever since you left it's become my new habits to get up and leave....kinda like you did....just not giving them the chance to actually *hurt me like you did...

Lately all I've done is cry and cry and cry
Sometimes I wonder why I even continue to try...

I can't tell if my tears are from you leaving
Or from other people basically painfully cleaving...

I don't want to say it's from you leaving because I care to much
I can't say it's from other people because I see them everyday at lunch...

I don't want to continue anymore because my world is gone
My world was you but I wasn't good enough for you...

I used to not let people hurt me because you gave me confidence
But now they see I'm hurt and hurt me worse...

I know you see it but it's like you don't even care
So I just let people walk all over me like the do dirt...

I've lost all self-respect but I hear them speak your name
And I come to your defense every time no matter who it is..

I have lost all sense of self-worth but you are still worth Me defending you and still being loyal towards....

Ever since you left all I've done is cry so now everyone
Looks at me and says you are a HEARTLESS ***** because I show no emotion to anyone anymore....

I show no emotion because I'm afraid of being hurt once again by people I thought cared about me, by people who I thought loved me.....But then again No one can...

So I'll just be that heartless ***** everyone see's because honestly
I am heartless but only because you took my heart when you Left......

Mom yells your name

you: Yes?!.....silence

You: Yeeaaah!?!!! *silence

You: UGH!! Gets up to go see what she wants
----------------------------------------------------------­-------------------------------------
"GO TO YOUR ROOM!"
you: you mean the place where my comfortable bed, my T.V, and my Laptop are? Okay! I'm going!
----------------------------------------------------------­-------------------------------------
Let's watch a scary movie!
After the movie....
Dude walk me to the bathroom!
-------------------------------------------------------­----------------------------------------
When I accidentally step on my, I'm like "***, I'm so sorry",
and they run away from me and I'm like LET ME LOVE YOU!!
--------------------------------------------------------­---------------------------------------
Friend: your parents are so nice

You: that's because your here.
-----------------------------------------------------------­------------------------------------
Some people in my school need a hug.......
With my hands

A real women can do it all by herself......
But a Real man won't let her.

The people who know the least about you
Have the most to say.

Telling a girl to "Calm down"  when
She's mad Is like trying to Baptize a cat.

The hardest part about a diet
isn't watching what you eat.
But *watching what other people eat.

"I don't hate you. I just hope your next period happens in a shark tank!"

"You go girl!!......Cause no one wants you here anyways!"

"You reek of the stench ***"

"I would love to insult you but,.....I don't think I'd do as good as nature did"

"If your heart really was broken, you'd be dead so shut up!"

"Your a ****"

"I'll beat your ***"

and many  many more. I just have one question?
WHY!?!?!?!?!?*
I mean it's not nice, and half the stuff being said has probably been said to you at one point or another. Sooooo why can't girls be like guys sometimes?
I mean really, they fight and like 3 minutes later their best buds again! it's strange but true, I mean personally I find other chicks amusing, saying stuff about other girls flaws when if that other girl could speak up for her self she could pin point 20 other things wrong with you as well. SO girls let's not fight and talk about it over some chocolate and shoe shopping yea?

Here's the deal I do me and you stay the hell away form me unless you want your esophagus broken because darling don't under estimate me...

I can go from Lady to ghetto 2.5 seconds.