When I was young when I wanted the sun to go down it did
Now it goes down without my consent

When I was young when I wanted the sun to stay up it stayed
But now it stays were it wants

Now I must sleep when the sun goes down
Now I must awake when the sun is up

My imagination still runs wild

But for now it sleeps waiting to be awoken

I sit here waiting for the bell

There is more of me waiting for something else

Joining for something someone who understands the wait

But I sit here waiting trying to sit up strait

Waiting for the bell so I'm not late

"mommy am i a big girl yet"
is what i used to say,
back in the innocent times of 7 years old.

"mom when i grow older will i drive"
is what i used to say,
which she would respond with a sweet yes

"mom can you help me with my homework?"
is what i used to say,
back when i wasn't afraid to ask for help

"mom... actually never mind"
i would say, just a few years ago
and she would smile and say tell me later then

"mom... i wish... i had been a better daughter"
is what i am going to think, when it's too late
and she can't hear me.
she can't smile her sweet smile
and she can't hold me in her arms
and tell me everything will be
**o k a y

i sit at the plastic table alone
my friends are asking a question
to the supervisor that watches
she says no so they
skip towards me
singing in cracked voices
they get the entire room to sing
and in their fabulously split awful voices
they chant the words
that make me smile
my cheeks flushed pink
my smile wide
my laughter loud

texts from everyone
decorated places
Instagram shoutouts
all through the night
and I awake
covered in streamers and cake

screeches
scratches
chills
fright
I wake up again and again
all through the night

I open the door
To streamers
To candy
To glitter tape (Amanda, thanks)
So yay!
It's my birthday!