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  Jul 2016 Chalsey Wilder
bs
I felt invisible today
How I dance around words and refuse to inch towards my door
How words fall onto my lap, only to be wiped away by my shaking hands

I felt lonely today
How best friends make pinky swears and how all I can keep safe is the gold cross on my neck
I pray to him and ask, God, let me love again

I felt.. Sad;
The kind of sadness that rolls over in bed ever so often
But will never leave
The one that despite my tugging at the feet
Only sinks even deeper into my being

But most of all
I felt nothing
I didn't feel the breeze as I tiptoed my way into being what my Mother calls 'normal'
Or the hot water I envied, how amazing it would be
To simply
Just
Evaporate.
  Jul 2016 Chalsey Wilder
bs
We get bones out of death
And death out of love
We decide that we will never be enough

I ask myself if it will ever be
If just breathing will be hard for me
Because sometimes a hot shower
Feels like a devour

It feels like the only hug I've gotten in years
Because I never allowed anyone to see me in tears
And I've realised that this life
This life

Tastes like Sunday morning, realising that the next day is a chance for things to crumble
And looks like a fumble
With a noose or a handgun
And wanting to run
Away from everything that ever caused you grief.

Tick tock, I feel my time running out
And it feels like all I've ever dreamt about
Was happiness to be kept in the back of my pocket
And to never be the girl who ruined it.

All my life I have been that girl
And maybe that is my place in this world
To be another creature, cast away in the streets
A person, uncaring towards whether she bleeds.

Because dying is not a new feeling to her.
  Jul 2016 Chalsey Wilder
Bailey
Please stop trusting me.
I love you but you think that's a good thing.
It's not.

Stay away from me.
Don't you know that I'm poison?
I am.

Things don't work out for me.
You say someday they will.
They won't.

I love you so much more than you could ever know.
Go away.
Chalsey Wilder Jul 2016
"Someone else has it worse!"
Thank you for making me feel better
Cause, since someone else has it worse I should be happy now, right?
My problems don't exist because someone else has bigger ones

Because someone else has it worse, it gets rid of my problem?
I'm getting the feeling each time someone says that, they believe that saying that makes any problem disapear
Because please,
Please
**Why must I always find joy or gratefulness in the pain and suffering of others?
"You must be positive"
Blessed is the man
who does not take offense
I'm speaking in the present tense
There is no sitting on the fence
This poem will now take me hence...

An offense will make us stumble
Forget the bluster and the bumble
Our defense will surely crumble
In all things we must be humble

When we see another's error
Are we really all the fairer?
Look Within it will be clearer
Are we looking in a mirror?

When we see reflection's bust
Do we see lines? Perhaps some crust?
Being honest is a must!
What have we done
that WE can't trust?

True of the bird as well the bee
We are all one cloth you see!
Self-assessment makes you free!

This is true humility.


SoulSurvivor
(C) 7/23/2016
Yes. I could learn the lesson in this, too.
We're always learning always growing.
Let's stop fighting and look at ourselves.

1 Corinthians 13

I won't be reposting for a while. I want this poem to stay at the top of my site.
Thanks for understanding.

LOVE YOU *ALL*!!!

-
Chalsey Wilder Jul 2016
According to me
Every minority
Is black to me
Bring all my non-straight non cis siblings
Bring all the brown skins
No matter what shade of brown
Cause
We are all the same
We matter less than the majority
They have the authority to **** a minority
Even did this to them in their own lands
Still time stands
Change is not moving fast enough
It's a shame it'll take years to a decade to save innocent lives
It's shame that it'll take several decades before muslims are no longer stereotyped as terrorists when white people have always done terroristic **** to their own race and each and every other and never get labelled a negative connotation such as "terrorists"
Even a white **** can walk into a school to shoot it up and the rep of white people would not be tarnished with the word "terrorists"
But I can't walk into a store with my book bag without someone thinking I'm stealing clothes when I'm just simply looking to buy dish detergent
My skin shouldn't automatically make me a suspect
And your white skin shouldn't automatically make you more innocent
Skin that's white, isn't pure
It's true that poison holds the formula for the cure
No wonder why the color black is seen as evil
The color white is seen as innocent
It was applied to our skin for us to never win
What blm means to me personally.
This movement isn't to shut others up, it's to really open their eyes and ears. The all lives matters movement only exists to shut down the blm movement, it only exists to muffle the mouths of people of color. And before people say a white gay man faces just as much discrimination as blacks, rethink that, there are gay black men, that's a double whammy. Not knocking your struggle, but you can't knock ours either. Race isn't the only way to be a minority.
Chalsey Wilder Jul 2016
In times like these I am sure of few things
And one is,
I don't even know what to say.
Every word is a price to pay.
I just wish I could go somewhere where there aren't people and I have everything I need.
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